礼貌— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Improve clarity and structure: start with a clear topic sentence directly answering the question, then give 1–2 specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid hesitation sounds (uh) and unclear phrases (partners, ideals). Be concise (max 5 sentences) and use precise vocabulary (e.g., 'role models', 'family environment').

示例: I learned to be polite mainly from my parents. For example, they always modelled respectful behaviour by saying 'please' and 'thank you' and by teaching me to listen to others. Also, growing up around kind neighbours reinforced these habits, so politeness became part of my daily routine.

建议: Be direct and use clearer linking words and idioms correctly. Start with a concise opinion, then give two specific reasons with examples. Avoid unclear or incorrect phrases like 'being proud doesn't cost any' — perhaps mean 'politeness costs nothing'. Use varied vocabulary (e.g., 'personal wellbeing', 'builds trust').

示例: Yes, I believe politeness is very important. Firstly, it improves personal wellbeing because respectful interactions reduce conflict and stress. Secondly, polite behaviour builds trust and stronger relationships; for instance, colleagues who communicate respectfully cooperate more effectively.

× These are moral values and always inculcate in our, uh, children's, uh, from the very beginning I think I have learned politeness from my parents and by absorbing so many ideals and fortunate enough to have kind people in my surrounding.

✓ These are moral values and were always inculcated in us, uh, as children from the very beginning. I think I learned politeness from my parents and by absorbing so many ideals, and I was fortunate enough to have kind people in my surroundings.

The original sentence misuses pronouns and word forms ('our children's' is incorrect for the intended meaning). Use 'us' or 'as children' to indicate when the values were inculcated. Also adjust verb forms for consistency (past tense 'were inculcated', 'learned', 'was fortunate') and correct 'surrounding' to the plural noun 'surroundings'. Split into clearer clauses for readability. Suggested improvement: replace 'our, uh, children's' with 'us as children', use past passive 'were inculcated', and ensure subject pronouns match verbs.

× And I love patience and partners more deeply.

✓ And I value patience and companionship more deeply.

The phrase 'I love patience and partners more deeply' is awkward and uses 'love' which clashes with earlier past context. 'Value' better expresses appreciation; 'partners' is ambiguous—'companionship' or 'companions' fits context. Use consistent verb choice. Suggestion: choose precise nouns and verbs that match intended meaning.

× It is extremely important both for the personal satisfaction as well as to become a good person in the life.

✓ It is extremely important both for personal satisfaction and for becoming a good person in life.

Incorrect articles and parallel structure: 'the personal satisfaction' and 'in the life' are wrong here. Remove 'the' before 'personal satisfaction' and use 'in life' without 'the'. Also maintain parallel grammar: 'for personal satisfaction and for becoming' or 'for personal satisfaction and becoming'. Suggestions: remove unnecessary articles and ensure parallel construction.

× Moreover, it helps strengthen the relationship as well as keep the mind relaxed.

✓ Moreover, it helps strengthen relationships and keeps the mind relaxed.

'Strengthen the relationship' is too specific; use plural 'relationships' unless a particular relationship is meant. The original mixes 'helps strengthen' with 'keep' causing parallelism error. Use 'helps ... and keeps' or 'helps to strengthen ... and to keep...' for correct parallel structure. Suggestion: maintain parallel verbs and consistent noun number.

× So being proud doesn't cost any.

✓ So being polite doesn't cost anything.

The intended meaning is likely that politeness is free, but the sentence uses 'being proud' (wrong adjective) and 'doesn't cost any' (awkward). 'Being polite doesn't cost anything' is clearer and grammatically correct. Suggestion: use the correct adjective 'polite' and the phrase 'doesn't cost anything'.