礼貌— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Improve clarity and grammar by giving a clear topic sentence, reducing repetition, and adding specific examples of what your mother did. Use linking words (for example, because, so) to connect ideas and keep the answer within 3–4 concise sentences. Correct tense and word choice (e.g., “acted towards me,” “tried hard,” “showed me by example”).

示例: I learned to be polite mainly from my mother, who was a teacher and led by example. For instance, she always said “please” and “thank you” and showed me how to greet people respectfully, so I copied her behaviour. Because she treated others kindly, I learned to be polite in everyday situations.

建议: Make a clear direct opinion statement first, then support it with one or two coherent reasons using correct grammar and stronger vocabulary. Avoid slang and vague phrases (e.g., “take your bullet”). Use linking words (however, although, therefore) to show contrast and result. Keep it concise and specific.

示例: Yes, I think being polite is very important because it helps build good relationships and shows respect for others. However, although politeness can sometimes be exploited, being polite usually creates trust and can benefit you in the long run.

× I did learn it.

✓ I learned it.

Using 'did learn' is unnecessary emphatic past tense in this context. The simple past 'learned' is correct and more natural. Suggestion: use simple past for regular past actions unless emphasizing contrast: 'I learned it.'

× My mom, she used to be a teacher and she was acting with me, not just a child as a teacher.

✓ My mom used to be a teacher and she acted with me, not just as a teacher to a child.

'Used to be' is correct for past state, but 'was acting with me' is awkward and mixes progressive aspect. Use simple past 'acted' to describe repeated past behavior. Also reorder 'not just as a teacher to a child' for clarity. Suggestion: use simple past to describe habitual past actions and place 'as' before the role phrase.

× She told me it doesn't matter what I'm gonna tell you, it's not what I'm gonna show you.

✓ She told me it doesn't matter what I'm going to tell you; it's about what I'm going to show you.

The original mixes direct speech tense and uses 'gonna' (informal). Also 'it's not what I'm gonna show you' contradicts intent. Use 'it's about' to convey meaning and 'going to' for future. Suggestion: avoid 'gonna' in formal speech and ensure clauses express intended contrast.

× So the action she's doing, I take it from her.

✓ So I take my example from her actions.

Original mixes present progressive ('she's doing') with simple present 'I take' awkwardly. Better to say 'I take my example from her actions' or 'I learned from her actions.' Suggestion: use consistent tense and clearer noun phrase 'example from her actions.'

× My father is try hard, but my mom, she was my role model of that so.

✓ My father tries hard, but my mom was my role model for that.

'Is try hard' is ungrammatical: use 'tries hard' for third person singular present. Also 'role model of that' is awkward — use 'role model for that.' Suggestion: ensure subject-verb agreement and use correct preposition 'for.'

× I would say really important, but sometimes people are gonna take it for advantage of you.

✓ I would say it is really important, but sometimes people will take advantage of you for it.

Missing subject 'it' after 'would say'; 'gonna' is informal; phrase 'take it for advantage of you' is ungrammatical. Use 'take advantage of you' and place purpose phrase 'for it' after. Suggestion: include the noun 'it' and use 'will' or 'will be likely to' for future.

× They're gonna take your bullet and gonna make you feel crazy mad, and taking advantage of it by being a polite person gonna give you a massive advantage with others because what comes around goes around.

✓ They will take advantage of you and make you feel very angry, but being polite can give you an advantage with others because what goes around comes around.

'Take your bullet' is incorrect idiom; use 'take advantage of you.' 'Gonna' is informal and repeated; 'crazy mad' is colloquial — use 'very angry.' The sentence is run-on and unclear; split into contrastive parts. Also correct idiom order to 'what goes around comes around.' Suggestion: use standard idioms, avoid repeated 'gonna,' and restructure long sentences into clearer clauses.