纸— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Answer the question directly and divide the long first sentence into shorter sentences. Use natural expressions such as “make the best use of waste paper” and “It was really enjoyable” instead of “make something best out of waste paper” and “a great enjoy.” Also, use parallel nouns, such as “flowers, pen stands, and ribbons,” and connect the recycling idea with “As a result.”

示例: Yes, I have. When I was younger, I made a birthday card for my father, who encouraged me to make the best use of waste paper. Gradually, I also learned to make paper flowers, pen stands, and ribbons for my dolls. It was really enjoyable, and it taught me how to recycle materials.

建议: Use “an enjoyable activity” or “fun” instead of “a funny activity,” because “funny” usually means amusing or strange. Replace “easier enough” with “easy enough” and “within some days” with “within a few days.” The phrase “boat bouquet” is unclear, so describe the craft precisely, and add a specific detail about why you enjoyed it.

示例: As a child, I liked making birthday cards and paper bouquets from old newspapers. It was a fun activity, and I could learn the basic techniques within a few days. I even taught my younger sister how to make paper boats and simple flowers. We often gave our crafts to our parents.

建议: Give a clear opening answer, then explain the reason in two or three shorter sentences. Use “mobile phones have made it more convenient,” “within seconds,” and “rare” instead of “within some second” and “intake.” Use “letters to which they are emotionally attached” or, more naturally, “letters that have sentimental value.”

示例: Not really. I rarely write physical letters because mobile phones make it much easier to video-call people or send messages within seconds. As a result, letters have become quite rare. However, some people still keep handwritten letters that have sentimental value.

建议: Complete the final sentence and state your conclusion clearly. Replace “I observed how” with “I have noticed that,” and use “in addition” instead of “besides this.” “Kept some notes within her” is unnatural; say “kept some notes from her teacher.” Explain why people preserve these items, using a linking phrase such as “This is because.”

示例: Yes, I think many people still do. I have noticed that my grandmother keeps a letter from one of her former teachers, and my sister has saved some notes from her teacher as well. This is because handwritten messages often have sentimental value and remind people of important relationships.

建议: The answer is relevant, but several phrases are unnatural. Say “keep my belongings to a minimum,” “carry on different occasions,” “write it down,” and “look for a pen and some paper.” Combine the ideas with “so” or “instead,” and avoid repeating “phone” and “mobile phone.”

示例: Not really. I try to keep my belongings to a minimum, so I usually do not carry stationery when I go out. Instead, I take my phone because I can write down important information in my notes app. It is more convenient than looking for a pen and some paper.

× Definitely yes I used to make a birthday card for my father who often encouraged me to make something best out of waste paper.

✓ Definitely, yes. I used to make a birthday card for my father, who often encouraged me to make the best use of waste paper.

The superlative adjective best normally requires the definite article the. The expression make the best use of something is also the natural grammatical structure.

× So gradually I started making flowers, pen stand as well as the ribbon to decorate my doll.

✓ So gradually, I started making flowers, pen stands, as well as ribbons to decorate my doll.

The plural noun flowers is followed by other items in a list, so pen stand and ribbon should also be plural for consistent meaning.

× It was a great enjoy and I learned how I can recycle.

✓ It was very enjoyable, and I learned how I could recycle.

Because the sentence describes learning in the past, could is more suitable than can in this reported past context. The word enjoy is a verb, so it cannot be used as a noun after a great; the grammatical adjective enjoyable is needed.

× I used to make birthday cards as well as a bouquet out of used paper because it was a funny activity.

✓ I used to make birthday cards as well as a bouquet out of used paper because it was an enjoyable activity.

Funny usually means humorous or strange. Enjoyable is the appropriate adjective for an activity that a person liked doing.

× Moreover it was easier enough for a child to learn within some days.

✓ Moreover, it was easy enough for a child to learn within a few days.

Easy enough is the correct adjective and enough already expresses a sufficient degree. Easier is a comparative form and requires a comparison. A few days is the natural quantifier for a small number of days.

× I also taught my sister to make boat bouquet out of discarded paper.

✓ I also taught my sister to make a boat and a bouquet out of discarded paper.

Singular countable nouns such as boat and bouquet require an article. The conjunction and is needed to connect the two separate objects.

× Not really because now mobile phone has made it more convenient to call somebody via video or by sending a message within some second.

✓ Not really, because now mobile phones have made it more convenient to call somebody via video or by sending a message within a few seconds.

Mobile phones is plural because the statement refers to phones in general, so the plural verb have is required. Second must be plural after a few.

× So physical letters have become intake now some people are still preserving those letter to which they are emotionally attached.

✓ So physical letters have become obsolete. However, some people are still preserving those letters to which they are emotionally attached.

The plural demonstrative those must be followed by the plural noun letters. The original passage also contains two independent clauses joined without suitable punctuation; separating them with a full stop and However produces a correct sentence structure. The word intake does not fit this meaning; obsolete is the appropriate adjective.

× I observed how my grandmother had kept a letter from her teacher besides this my elder sister has also kept some notes within her which were given to her by her teacher.

✓ I observed that my grandmother had kept a letter from her teacher. Besides this, my elder sister has also kept some notes with her that were given to her by her teacher.

The pronoun her is required after the preposition with; within her means inside her body or space and is not appropriate here. The relative pronoun that clearly refers to notes. The past participle kept is correctly used after had and has, so these forms should be retained.

× So people who are emotionally attached to particular pieces

✓ So people who are emotionally attached to particular pieces of paper still keep them.

The original is an incomplete sentence because the subject people is not followed by a main verb. Adding still keep gives the sentence a complete predicate, and them refers back to pieces of paper.

× I try to keep my belongings to minimum.

✓ I try to keep my belongings to a minimum.

The fixed expression is keep something to a minimum. The singular countable noun minimum requires the article a in this expression.

× I don't want to struggle with managing so many things that I'm carrying to particular occasions.

✓ I don't want to struggle with managing so many things that I carry on particular occasions.

The preposition on is used with occasions, as in on particular occasions. The simple present carry is also more natural for a general habit.

× So if anything is required I can no down it on my mobile phone instead of finding out a pen or a paper.

✓ So, if anything is required, I can note it down on my mobile phone instead of finding a pen or some paper.

The correct phrasal verb is note down, and the pronoun it must be placed between the verb and the adverb: note it down. The word out is not part of this phrasal verb. The natural expression is find a pen or some paper.

× Instead of finding out a pen or a paper.

✓ Instead of finding a pen or some paper.

A pen is a singular countable noun and correctly takes a. Paper is generally uncountable when referring to writing material, so some paper is more appropriate than a paper.