纸— Part 1 评分报告

建议: 직접적인 답변은 했지만 문장이 지나치게 길고 연결이 부자연스럽습니다. “for instance”와 “however” 앞뒤에 적절한 구두점이나 연결 구조가 필요하며, “art purse”는 의미상 “artistic ability” 또는 “craft skills”가 적절합니다. “the result was very poor is because”는 “they turned out poorly because”로 고치세요. 또한 종이비행기와 종이집을 만들었다는 구체적인 예를 간결하게 설명하고, 최대 3~4문장으로 정리하는 것이 좋습니다.

示例: Yes, I made paper crafts when I was a child. For example, I made paper planes and small buildings, although they didn’t turn out very well because I wasn’t very good at crafts. My mother also taught me how to make paper plates, but I found the instructions difficult to follow.

建议: 질문의 핵심은 어린 시절 종이로 무엇을 하는 것을 좋아했는지인데, “draw paper planes”와 “drive paper planes”는 의미가 맞지 않습니다. 종이비행기를 만들고 날렸다는 뜻이라면 “make and fly paper planes”라고 해야 합니다. “I like”는 과거 경험이므로 “I liked”로, “In playground”는 “At the playground”로 고치세요. 홍콩이라는 장소가 질문과 관련이 불분명하고, “the reason is in the size of the playground”도 자연스럽지 않으므로 종이비행기를 날리며 느낀 감정을 구체적으로 설명하는 것이 좋습니다.

示例: When I was a child, I liked making and flying paper planes. I often flew them at a nearby playground, especially when the weather was nice. It was exciting to see how far they could travel, and I felt relaxed after playing with them.

建议: 질문에 직접 답했고, 두 가지 이유를 “To begin with”와 “In addition”으로 연결한 점이 좋습니다. 다만 “physical letters”는 학업 상황에서는 다소 어색하므로 “write things by hand” 또는 “handwrite notes”가 더 정확합니다. “especially when I study”는 편지를 쓴다는 의미로 오해될 수 있으므로, 공부할 때 손으로 필기한다는 내용을 분명히 하세요. 또한 타이핑 속도뿐 아니라 손필기가 기억력에 어떤 도움을 주는지 자연스럽게 설명하면 더 효과적입니다.

示例: I don’t usually write physical letters, but I still write things by hand when I study. My typing speed is quite slow, and handwriting helps me remember information better than typing. For that reason, I often take handwritten notes during lectures or while reviewing for exams.

建议: 현대에는 사람들이 손편지를 잘 쓰지 않는다는 의견은 분명하지만, “cuckout talk”는 의미가 불분명하고 이 문맥에서는 “messaging apps” 또는 “social media messages”가 적절합니다. “due to ... they prefer”는 문장 구조가 어색하므로 “because they prefer texting through...”로 고치세요. 두 번째 부분의 “when corporations invite very important people”도 손편지를 쓰는 상황과 자연스럽게 연결되지 않으므로, 공식적인 초대나 감사의 표시라는 구체적인 상황을 제시하세요. “integrity”보다는 “respect”와 “gratitude”가 이 문맥에 더 자연스럽습니다.

示例: I think most people rarely keep handwritten letters today because they prefer using messaging apps and social media. However, some people still write them for special occasions, such as weddings or formal invitations. A handwritten letter can show personal effort, respect, and gratitude, so it may feel more meaningful than a text message.

建议: “I don’t carry them”이라고 직접 답하고 두 가지 이유를 제시한 점은 좋습니다. 그러나 펜과 종이를 가지고 다니지 않는 이유가 그림 실력과 연결되어 다소 부자연스럽습니다. “art prowess”는 지나치게 격식적이므로 “I’m not good at drawing”이 더 자연스럽고, “flowers and animals” 앞에는 “or”를 사용해야 합니다. 종이나 펜을 사용할 일이 거의 없고 가방을 들고 다니는 것을 싫어한다는 식으로 질문과 직접 관련된 이유를 제시하면 더 효과적입니다.

示例: No, I don’t usually carry paper and pens when I go out. I prefer to travel light, so I normally leave my bag at home whenever possible. Besides, I rarely need to write or draw anything while I’m outside, and I can use my phone to take notes instead.

× I've made paper crafts when I was a kid.

✓ I made paper crafts when I was a kid.

The phrase when I was a kid refers to a finished period in the past, so the simple past made is required instead of the present perfect have made. Use the simple past with finished past-time expressions such as when I was a child, last year, or yesterday.

× However, the result was very poor is because my art prowess wasn't as good as my mother's.

✓ However, the result was very poor because my art prowess wasn't as good as my mother's.

The structure was very poor is because is grammatically incorrect because it uses two competing linking structures. Use was very poor because to introduce the reason directly.

× In playground, it is inappropriate to draw paper plains.

✓ In the playground, it is inappropriate to draw paper plains.

A specific place such as the playground normally requires the definite article the. Use the with a singular, specific noun that both the speaker and listener can identify.

× In the playground, it is inappropriate to draw paper plains.

✓ In the playground, it was inappropriate to draw paper plains.

The speaker is describing a situation that occurred when they were a child, so the past form was is more consistent with the past-time context. Keep the tense consistent throughout a past narrative.

× The reason is in the size of the playground.

✓ The reason was the size of the playground.

The preposition in is not used in this structure. After the linking verb be, state the cause directly: The reason was the size of the playground. The past form was also matches the past context.

× In addition, when I write during study, it helps me memorize things better than texting.

✓ In addition, when I write while studying, it helps me memorize things better than texting.

While studying is the natural expression for describing an activity that happens at the same time as writing. Use while plus a present participle to express two simultaneous activities.

× However, when corporations invite very important people. They write handwritten letters to show their integrity and gratitude.

✓ However, when corporations invite very important people, they write handwritten letters to show their integrity and gratitude.

When corporations invite very important people is a dependent clause and cannot stand alone as a complete sentence. Join it to the main clause with a comma. Avoid separating a dependent clause from its main clause with a full stop.