纸— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be a bit more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific example with brief detail. Avoid listing too many items and minor grammatical errors (use 'taught me' not 'put me in').

示例: Yes, I did. My mother enrolled me in an origami class when I was a child, and I learned to fold animals like a swan and an elephant. I especially enjoyed making swans because the shapes looked elegant and it was satisfying to see the paper transform.

建议: Use correct tense and smoother linking: begin with a clear topic sentence, then explain with one or two specific details using linking words (e.g., 'so', 'because'). Avoid repetition and awkward phrasing like 'I reminisce it a lot.'

示例: As a child, I loved folding paper airplanes. I would try different designs and, because I enjoyed competition, my friends and I held contests to see whose plane could fly the farthest, which was always great fun.

建议: Make the response more natural and grammatical: use simpler phrasing, correct articles and prepositions, and give one clear circumstance when you would write a letter. Keep it to two sentences max.

示例: Not often; physical letters feel old-fashioned to me, so I only write them on special occasions. For example, I might write a handwritten letter to a close family member to express deep feelings or thanks.

建议: Be concise and avoid repetition and unclear phrasing. Use a topic sentence, then give a clear reason or example. Correct awkward terms like 'handlitter' and simplify the clause structure.

示例: Yes, many people still keep handwritten letters because they feel more personal than digital messages. For instance, people often save birthday notes or love letters as sentimental keepsakes.

建议: Tighten the sentence structure and choose the most relevant detail. Use correct tense ('learned') and a linking phrase to explain the reason briefly. Limit to two sentences.

示例: Yes, I usually carry a pen because my father taught me that habit and I find it useful. I like being prepared to jot down notes or fill out forms when needed.

× Yes, when I was a child my mother put me in an origami workshop and I learnt to make lots of different animals using paper such as a swan, an elephant, a tiger, and many others.

✓ Yes, when I was a child my mother enrolled me in an origami workshop and I learned to make many different animals out of paper, such as a swan, an elephant, a tiger, and many others.

The original uses 'put me in' which is colloquial and not the best preposition choice for enrolling in a class; 'enroll' + 'in' is more appropriate. 'Using paper' is awkward; 'out of paper' or 'made from paper' is the usual collocation. 'Learnt' is acceptable in British English, but I changed it to 'learned' for consistency; either is fine. Also 'lots of different' is wordy — 'many different' is clearer.

× My favourite hobby was making a paper airplane. I loved making different types of airplanes and having competitions with my friends about whose airplane can fly for the longest time. It was the most fun activity and I reminisce it a lot.

✓ My favourite hobby was making paper airplanes. I loved making different types of airplanes and having competitions with my friends about whose airplane could fly the longest. It was the most fun activity and I reminisce about it a lot.

The clause 'whose airplane can fly for the longest time' mixes present modal with past narrative; use 'could' to match past tense. 'Making a paper airplane' is fine, but plural 'paper airplanes' matches 'different types'. 'Reminisce' usually takes 'about' when referring to memories. Also 'for the longest time' is wordy; 'the longest' is more natural.

× As physical letters are of the older generation, I do write them very rarely. I may write them in a case of a loved one or someone I need to tell my feelings

✓ Because physical letters belong to an older generation, I do write them very rarely. I may write one in the case of a loved one or someone I need to tell my feelings to.

'As' at the start is acceptable but 'because' is clearer. 'Are of the older generation' is awkward; 'belong to an older generation' is natural. 'Write them' is vague; use 'write one' when referring to a letter. Also the phrase 'in a case of' should be 'in the case of' and 'tell my feelings' requires a preposition 'to' or better phrasing like 'express my feelings to'.

× Yes, as a matter of fact, handwritten letters are kept the most today because in this world of technology where WhatsApp chats or messages are so common writing a hand letter for the handlitter for someone is an act of gratitude and love and they are kept the most.

✓ Yes, in fact, handwritten letters are kept more often today because in a world of technology where WhatsApp chats and messages are common, writing a handwritten letter for someone is an act of gratitude and love, so they are often kept.

The original has awkward and redundant phrasing: 'kept the most' is unclear; 'kept more often' or 'often kept' is better. 'Writing a hand letter for the handlitter for someone' contains nonstandard words; use 'writing a handwritten letter for someone'. Also punctuation and sentence breaks improve clarity. 'WhatsApp chats or messages are so common' simplified to 'WhatsApp chats and messages are common'.

× I do always have a pen on me as I learnt that habit from my father who was very punctual and I like to have something to write or just be prepared for anything that comes.

✓ I always carry a pen because I learned that habit from my father, who was very punctual, and I like to have something to write with or just be prepared for anything that comes up.

Adverb placement: 'do always have' is awkward; 'always carry' is more natural. 'Have a pen on me' is colloquial; 'carry a pen' is clearer. 'Learnt' changed to 'learned' for consistency. 'Something to write' needs 'with'. 'Anything that comes' should be 'anything that comes up'. The commas improve readability.