纸— Part 1 评分报告

建议: まずは文法と語順の修正が必要です。短くて明確な主語と動詞で始め、不要な繰り返しを避けてください。また、背景（千羽鶴の伝統）を一つか二つの具体的な詳細で補強するとよいでしょう。例えば、“I made origami cranes” と明確に言い、“they are given to sick people as a get-well gift” のように理由を述べます。発音や語選び（origami, crane, tradition, get-well）にも注意してください。

示例: Yes. I made origami cranes from paper. In Japan people often fold a hundred cranes as a traditional get-well gift, so I made some for a sick relative last year.

建议: 意味を明確にするため語彙と表現を正しく使ってください。“literally light paper letters” は誤用です。頻度や時期（New Year）を明確に述べ、理由（伝統）を簡潔に付け加えてください。文は二つまでにまとめ、接続語（for example, because）で論理をつなぐとよいです。

示例: Not often, but I still write letters on special occasions. For example, I write a New Year’s greeting card because it is a Japanese tradition.

建议: 意見表明は良いですが、表現を自然にし、矛盾を避けてください（好まないと言いながら好きだと述べる）。まず一般的な観察を述べ、その後自分の考えを導入する語（however, personally）を使って理由を説明しましょう。また“hurtful”は不適切なので“touching”や“meaningful”を使ってください。

示例: Many people rarely keep handwritten letters now because smartphones make communication instant. However, personally I still value handwritten notes because they feel more personal and meaningful.

建议: 理由を明確にし、言い換えや繰り返しを避けてください。“lighter, lighter, less lecture” は意味不明なので、必要な場面（taking notes, writing reminders）を具体的に説明してください。時制も統一して現在習慣なら現在形を使いましょう。

示例: Yes, I usually carry a pen and a small notebook because I need to take notes during lectures and write quick reminders.

建议: 過去の習慣を述べるときは過去形を使い、理由を簡潔に説明してください。語彙の誤用（light, church）を修正し、“practise writing difficult kanji” のように自然な表現に直しましょう。また、活動の頻度や感情（I enjoyed it because…）を付け加えると良いです。

示例: When I was a child, I enjoyed practising writing difficult kanji on paper because I thought it looked impressive and it helped me learn.

× I made a Japanese bird by a made by paper because it is a traditional to send 100 bird paper paper bird to sick people.

✓ I made a Japanese paper bird because it is traditional to send one hundred paper birds to sick people.

The original sentence has multiple structural errors: redundant words ('by a made by paper', 'paper paper bird'), incorrect article and quantifier use, and awkward word order. Use 'made a Japanese paper bird' or 'made a paper bird' for clarity. Use 'it is traditional to send one hundred paper birds' for correct infinitive structure and quantifier. Avoid repeating words and place modifiers before the noun they describe.

× I literally light paper letters but.

✓ I still write paper letters occasionally.

'Literally light' is incorrect and nonsensical here. The student likely meant 'still write' or 'like paper letters.' Use 'still' for continuity and 'write paper letters' to convey the action. Remove the trailing 'but' or complete the contrast. 'Occasionally' is added to make the statement natural.

× In the new New Year day, I made a letter because it is a Japanese traditional.

✓ On New Year's Day, I wrote a letter because it is a Japanese tradition.

Use the correct time expression 'On New Year's Day' and the verb 'wrote' for the past action. 'A Japanese traditional' is ungrammatical; use 'a Japanese tradition' (noun) to describe cultural practice. Also use 'wrote a letter' instead of 'made a letter.'

× I don't think people should like the handmade letters because we can contact with any people by using smartphone.

✓ I don't think people like handwritten letters anymore because we can contact anyone using smartphones.

'Should like' is incorrect modal use; 'people like' is appropriate to express preference. 'Handmade letters' is better phrased as 'handwritten letters.' 'Contact with any people' should be 'contact anyone' (no 'with' and 'any people' → 'anyone'). 'Using smartphone' needs plural 'smartphones' or 'using a smartphone' depending on context. Also 'anymore' clarifies the change over time.

× But I think handwriting letter is hurtful so I like it.

✓ But I think handwritten letters are heartfelt, so I like them.

'Handwriting letter' is incorrect; use 'handwritten letters' (adjective + plural noun). 'Hurtful' is wrong meaning; likely intended 'heartfelt' or 'touching.' Ensure subject and verb agree: 'letters are' and pronoun 'them.'

× Yeah, I carry a pen and paper because I am a student, so I need to lighter, lighter, less lecture of the university.

✓ Yes, I carry a pen and paper because I am a student and need them for university lectures.

The original contains unclear and repeated words ('lighter, lighter, less lecture'). Use 'them' to refer to pen and paper. 'Lectures' is the correct noun; 'for university lectures' clearly states purpose. Avoid repetition and use concise structure.

× So I had every day.

✓ So I carry them every day.

'Had every day' is past tense and unclear; the context refers to a habitual present action. Use present simple 'carry' for routines: 'I carry them every day.'

× I like to light difficult kanji on the paper when I was church because for me it is a I think it is very cool to write difficult kanji when I was a child, so I like it.

✓ I liked writing difficult kanji on paper when I was a child because I thought it was very cool.

Mixed tenses and unclear verbs: 'like to light' is incorrect; use 'liked writing' for past preference. 'When I was church' should be 'when I was a child.' Remove redundant phrases ('for me it is a I think it is'). Use consistent past tense to describe childhood activities and simplify the sentence for clarity.