公园— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Cải thiện ngữ pháp thì quá khứ (was/were, used to) và hình thức động từ; rút gọn câu tránh từ thừa; thêm liên từ để câu rõ ràng. Cụ thể: dùng 'I loved' hoặc 'I used to go', đổi 'I'm an extrovert' thành 'I was an extrovert' (nếu nói về quá khứ) hoặc 'I've always been outgoing' để tự nhiên hơn; sửa 'blowing the bubble' thành 'blowing bubbles'. Giữ tối đa 3–4 câu, bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề rồi thêm 1-2 chi tiết cụ thể (ví dụ: hoạt động, tần suất, cảm xúc).

示例: I loved going to parks as a child because I was outgoing and enjoyed outdoor activities. I often went there with my friends, and we would play games or blow bubbles together. Those visits made me feel free and happy.

建议: Sửa lỗi thì và hình thức so sánh; dùng linking words (however, although, but) chính xác; tránh câu quá dài, chia thành hai câu rõ ràng. Cụ thể: 'As I have grown older' hoặc 'I don’t go as often as before'; 'compare to the past' → 'compared with the past'; sửa danh từ số nhiều/số ít 'friends' và động từ 'go'. Thêm chi tiết cụ thể (ví dụ: hoạt động bạn làm ở công viên vào cuối tuần).

示例: I don’t go to parks as often as I did in the past, although I still enjoy them. On weekends, I try to visit a park with my friends to enjoy the fresh air and maybe have a picnic or go for a walk.

建议: Sửa từ sai ('power' → 'parks') và cấu trúc câu; tránh lặp từ 'connect with' hai lần; thêm liên kết logic (so that, which) và chi tiết cụ thể (ví dụ: loại công viên, tiện ích). Hãy bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề ngắn rồi nêu 1-2 lợi ích cụ thể cho trẻ em và cộng đồng.

示例: Absolutely. I would like more parks in my city so that children have safe places to play and spend less time on electronic devices. New parks with playgrounds and benches would also encourage families to exercise and socialise outdoors.

建议: Sửa phát âm viết và từ sai ('part'→'park', 'there's many fingers and character' → 'there are many rides and characters'); dùng cấu trúc chính xác và ngắn gọn; tránh câu bị rối ý, thêm lý do cụ thể và miêu tả một hoạt động bạn muốn làm ở công viên đó. Hãy dùng 2–3 câu: câu chủ đề + 1 chi tiết minh họa.

示例: I would love to visit the Disney park in China in the future because it has many rides and characters I adored as a child. Visiting there would be great fun and would let me relive childhood memories by enjoying the attractions and shows.

× I love to go to the park when I was a child since I'm an extrovert and I love outdoor activities in the park.

✓ I loved going to the park when I was a child since I was an extrovert and I loved outdoor activities in the park.

The sentence mixes present tense (I love, I'm) with past time reference (when I was a child). Use past tense consistently for past habitual actions: 'loved' and 'was'. Also use 'going' (gerund) to express habitual past activity rather than 'to go' for better naturalness.

× I would simply just hang out with my friends or blowing the bubble there.

✓ I would simply just hang out with my friends or blow bubbles there.

After 'would' the base form of the verb is required ('blow'), not the -ing form. Also plural 'bubbles' is more natural. Remove redundancy 'simply just' (both similar meanings) for conciseness.

× As I grow older, I don't think that I love go to the park compares to the past, but whenever I had time at the weekend, I would try to hang out with my friend at the park as much as possible because I love the fresh air and the environment surrounding.

✓ As I have grown older, I don't think I love going to the park as much as I did in the past, but whenever I have time on the weekend I try to hang out with my friends at the park as much as possible because I love the fresh air and the surrounding environment.

Tense consistency and correct verb forms: use present perfect 'have grown' for change over time, 'love going' (gerund) after 'love', and comparative structure 'as much as I did'. Use 'have time' (present) not past 'had' when referring to habitual weekends now. 'Friends' plural fits context. Use 'on the weekend' and 'surrounding environment' word order.

× Absolutely. I would love to have more power in my city, so there would be the place for children to hang out, stay away from electronic devices and they can freely connect with each other more and connect with the nature more.

✓ Absolutely. I would love to have more parks in my city, so there would be places for children to hang out, stay away from electronic devices, and freely connect with each other and with nature.

'Power' is incorrect word choice; 'parks' is intended. Use plural 'places' to match meaning. Remove extra 'the' before 'nature' and use 'with nature' not 'connect with the nature'. Improve parallel structure and fluency by removing redundant 'more' and adjusting comma placement.

× Well, this is really an interesting question. The part that I would love to visit in the future would possibly Disney park in China because there's many fingers and character that I love when I was a child there and it would be so much fun.

✓ Well, this is really an interesting question. The place I would love to visit in the future would possibly be the Disney park in China because there are many figures and characters I loved when I was a child, and it would be so much fun.

Use 'place' rather than 'part'. Insert 'be' after 'would possibly' for correct verb phrase. Use 'there are' for existence and plural noun agreement. 'Figures' and 'characters' are likely intended; 'loved' past tense fits 'when I was a child'. Ensure subject-verb agreement 'there are many'.

× It's like I'm indulge my inner child.

✓ It's like I'm indulging my inner child.

After 'I'm' (I am) use present participle 'indulging', not base form 'indulge'. Present continuous 'I'm indulging' matches the simile 'It's like'.