公园— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Start with a clear topic sentence, reduce fillers (umm, uh), and use one or two specific supporting details. Keep it within 3–4 concise sentences and use linking words to connect ideas.

示例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went there with my friends to play on the swings and run around the lawns. In addition, I enjoyed watching the birds and the trees, which made those visits feel peaceful and special.

建议: Give a direct answer first, avoid hesitation and unclear phrases (e.g., 'setting alarm'), and provide one or two clear reasons with linking words like 'because' or 'so'.

示例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I go there to rest and relax because the fresh air and greenery help me unwind. Also, I like sitting quietly with my partner and talking without distractions.

建议: Answer directly and clearly, avoid repetition, and provide a specific reason or example about what is lacking (e.g., size, facilities). Use linking words and one concise supporting sentence.

示例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because there is only one small park nearby. For example, it lacks playgrounds and seating areas, so more parks with better facilities would benefit many families.

建议: Be concise and avoid fillers. Start with a clear statement of the specific park you want to visit, give one reason why (e.g., scenery, recommendations), and mention a simple plan for visiting.

示例: Yes, I would like to visit a jungle park that is a bit far from my city. I have heard from visitors that it has stunning scenery and wildlife, so I plan to save time and go there on a weekend trip next year.

× I used to go to park when I was small and especially with my friends, umm, playing together in the parks as well as looking, uh, beautiful places around and birds flying in the sky.

✓ I used to go to the park when I was small, especially with my friends, playing together in the parks and looking at the beautiful places around and birds flying in the sky.

Missing definite article before 'park' and missing preposition 'at' after 'looking'. Use 'the park' for specific habitual place and 'look at' to indicate observing something. Also streamline comma placement for clarity.

× That is very beautiful and a special moment.

✓ That was very beautiful and a special moment.

The student is describing a past experience, so past tense ('was') should be used instead of present ('is'). Maintain tense consistency when recounting past events.

× if I get an opportunity, I would obviously go to the park because in the park like, uh, I can just rest and relax as well as, uh, I can spend time quietly setting alarm or sitting with my loved one.

✓ If I get an opportunity, I will obviously go to the park because in the park I can just rest and relax, and I can spend time quietly sitting with my loved one.

Conditional form should use 'will' in the main clause for a realistic future possibility. Remove redundant filler 'like' and incorrect phrase 'setting alarm' which does not fit context; use 'sitting with my loved one'. Also combine clauses with 'and' for fluency.

× I obviously I would like to see more parks in my city because I have just, uh, one part that is accessible to my community and, and that is like a small one as well as if there is a small as well as, umm, limited, uh, things that are available there.

✓ I would obviously like to see more parks in my city because there is only one park accessible to my community, and it is quite small with limited facilities.

Redundant words ('I obviously I'), incorrect phrase 'one part' instead of 'one park', and awkward repetition. Restructure sentence for clarity: use 'there is only one park' and 'limited facilities' to express scarcity.

× Well, in future, if I get time and I would like to visit, uh, park in the jungle that is located a bit far away, but I have to plan and go there.

✓ Well, in the future, if I get time I would like to visit a park in the jungle that is a bit far away, but I have to plan to go there.

Add definite article 'the' in 'in the future' and use 'a park' for unspecified park. Remove extra 'and' and correct infinitive phrase 'plan to go' instead of 'plan and go'. Keep conditional 'would like' consistent.

× I would like to visit that place that park, because I heard from many visitors that it is very beautiful as well as.

✓ I would like to visit that place, the park, because I heard from many visitors that it is very beautiful.

Awkward duplication 'that place that park' should be 'that place, the park'. Remove trailing 'as well as' which is incomplete. Use commas to set off appositive 'the park'.