公园— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Cải thiện ngữ pháp cơ bản (thì, động từ số ít/đa số) và phát âm một số từ; sắp xếp câu rõ ràng hơn với câu chủ đề và 1–2 chi tiết hỗ trợ cụ thể; tránh lặp từ và sửa lỗi từ không phù hợp (ví dụ “box” → “park”, “buy by by” → có thể là “go by” hoặc “ride my”). Nên dùng liên từ đơn giản để mạch lạc (and, so, because).

示例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I usually rode my bike there and played games with my friends. We often climbed trees and had picnics, so I always looked forward to those afternoons.

建议: Chú ý thì của động từ (use present simple: I go, I feel), diễn đạt rõ ràng hơn và cụ thể hơn (what about the environment?), tránh cụm từ lặp; dùng liên từ để nối ý (because, so, and). Bổ sung ví dụ cụ thể về hoạt động giúp năng lượng tăng lên.

示例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because I can breathe fresh air and relax. I often do aerobic exercises or jog there, and after exercising I feel refreshed and energetic.

建议: Giảm tiếng vấp và sự lặp (uh, I want); cấu trúc câu rõ ràng: topic sentence + 1–2 lý do cụ thể; sửa ngữ pháp (place → places; build parks for children and elderly people). Dùng liên từ để liệt kê lý do (for example, so that).

示例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. For example, the government could build parks for children and elderly people so kids have safe places to play and older adults have places to exercise and relax.

建议: Sửa lỗi thông tin và cú pháp: tên địa điểm/địa lý phải đúng (Kofu is not in London); dùng cấu trúc đơn giản: I want to visit X because of Y; tránh lặp từ và tiếng ấp úng. Nên cung cấp chi tiết cụ thể về vì sao muốn đến (loài động vật, cảnh quan).

示例: I would like to visit Kofu National Park in the future because it is famous for its diverse wildlife and unique plant species. I especially want to see the rare birds and walk through the forest trails.

× Yes, when I was a child I like going to the box and every time I go it to buy by by my bike and I play with my friend in there.

✓ Yes, when I was a child I liked going to the park and every time I went there I rode my bike and played with my friend there.

The student mixes present and past tenses; the context is a past habitual action so verbs should be in past tense (liked, went, rode, played). Also 'box' seems wrong for 'park' and word order was incorrect for 'go it to buy by by my bike'. Use consistent past tense and correct word choices.

× Yes, I still like going to park now because when I going to park I can feel the environment and when I played after playing aerobic I feel energetic.

✓ Yes, I still like going to the park now because when I go to the park I can enjoy the atmosphere, and after doing aerobics I feel energetic.

Mixed tenses and incorrect verb forms: 'going to park' should be 'going to the park' and 'when I going' should be 'when I go'. 'Played after playing aerobic' is ungrammatical; use 'after doing aerobics'. Maintain present tense for current habits.

× Yes, I want to see the local government, uh, build some parks for children and older people. Uh, I want, I want uh, children have more place to, uh, play with their friends and do and other people can have place to.

✓ Yes, I want the local government to build some parks for children and older people. I want children to have more places to play with their friends, and other people to have places to relax.

Incorrect clause structure and missing infinitive: 'want the local government build' should be 'want the local government to build'. 'Children have more place' needs infinitive 'to have' and plural 'places'. Also sentence fragments and repetition were fixed; use parallel structure for clarity.

× Hmm, Actually I want to go to uh, Kofu National Park is a very famous play in London and I really want to go it because they, they are many, uh, many special animals in there and various our plants.

✓ Actually, I want to go to Kofu National Park. It is a very famous place in London and I really want to go because there are many special animals and various plants there.

Run-on and incorrect clauses: split into two sentences and correct 'play' to 'place'. Use 'want to go to' and 'go' without object 'it'. Use 'there are' for existence and correct word order 'many special animals' and 'various plants'. Removed redundant words.