公园— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be concise and clear: start with a direct topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh, um) and repetition, and add one specific supporting detail. Use linking words if adding details.

示例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I especially enjoyed playing on the swings and climbing trees, which helped me make friends and spend time outdoors.

建议: Answer directly and explain briefly with a clear reason and one specific example. Reduce hesitations and use a linking word to connect idea and example.

示例: Not as much. I rarely visit parks now because I’m busy with work, but when I do go I feel nostalgic and remember playing there as a child.

建议: Give a clear opinion with one or two specific reasons and avoid repetition. Use linking words (because, therefore) and more precise vocabulary (too few, local authorities).

示例: Yes, I think there are too few parks in my city because the population is growing and residents need green spaces for exercise and relaxation, so local authorities should create more parks.

建议: Be specific about the park name or type and describe why you want to visit using clear sentences and fewer hesitations. Structure: state the park, give one or two concrete reasons, and finish with a brief concluding sentence.

示例: Yes, I would like to visit Yosemite National Park in the United States because it has vast forests and famous hiking trails, and I want to experience the scenery and go on a long hike there.

× When I was young, I had a very much interest and was uh, very much, uh, and I enjoyed very much uh, in Park, Uh, yes, uh, certainly I enjoyed it.

✓ When I was young, I had a lot of interest and I enjoyed going to parks very much.

The phrase 'very much interest' is incorrect; use 'a lot of interest' or 'much interest' (formal). Also awkward repetition and missing gerund: 'enjoyed in Park' should be 'enjoyed going to parks'. Cleaned sentence avoids redundancy and uses correct quantifier and verb form. Grammar problem type ID:14

× No, uh, nowadays I don't like to go to parks, uh, as I become elder, but certainly a type of nostalgia hits, uh, when I go to parks.

✓ No, I don't like going to parks nowadays because I have become older, but I do feel a sense of nostalgia when I visit them.

Tense and phrasing errors: 'as I become elder' is incorrect—use present perfect 'I have become older' to indicate change up to now. 'Don't like to go to parks' is acceptable but 'don't like going to parks' is more natural. 'A type of nostalgia hits' is informal and awkward; use 'I feel a sense of nostalgia'. Adjusted pronoun 'them' for plural parks. Grammar problem type ID:6

× Yes, in my city, I think the number of parks are too less.

✓ Yes, in my city, I think the number of parks is too small.

Subject 'the number' is singular so verb should be 'is' not 'are' (subject-verb agreement). Also 'too less' is incorrect; use 'too few' or 'too small'. I used 'too small' for the quantity. Grammar problem type ID:1

× So I would request my government, uh, as well as my city government, uh, to have more parks.

✓ So I would ask the national and city governments to create more parks.

'Request my government' is understandable but more natural is 'ask the national and city governments'. Use plural 'governments' when referring to both. Also 'to have more parks' is vague; 'to create more parks' is clearer. Grammar problem type ID:12

× Uh, as the population is increasing, so I think the number of parks should be increased.

✓ As the population is increasing, I think the number of parks should be increased.

Using both 'as' and 'so' is redundant. Remove 'so' when starting with 'as'. Also passive 'should be increased' is acceptable but 'more parks should be created' is another option. Grammar problem type ID:16

× Yes, there is one par National Park.

✓ Yes, there is one particular national park.

Original is ungrammatical: 'par National Park' likely intended 'particular national park'. Use 'there is' correctly with singular 'one particular national park'. Grammar problem type ID:3

× There were there I that I would certainly want to go is in America or in the United States of America.

✓ The one I would certainly like to visit is in the United States of America.

Original sentence is ungrammatical and wordy. Reordered to a clear relative clause: 'The one I would certainly like to visit is in the United States of America.' This fixes word order and redundancy ('America or in the United States of America'). Grammar problem type ID:26

× It's a National Park with full of trees and, uh, there is a hike trail through which you can go there.

✓ It's a national park full of trees, and there is a hiking trail you can follow to reach it.

Use 'full of trees' without 'with' or rephrase as 'a national park full of trees'. 'Hike trail' is incorrect; use 'hiking trail' or 'trail for hiking'. Remove redundant 'there' at end. Adjusted capitalization of 'national'. Grammar problem type ID:13

× Uh, I want to go there and experience, uh, it.

✓ I want to go there and experience it.

Comma and filler words removed. 'Experience it' is fine; alternatively 'go there and experience it' is correct. No extra comma or pause markers. Also could use gerund 'experiencing it' after 'going' but current correction keeps parallel structure. Grammar problem type ID:8

× I've just shown in windows.

✓ I've just seen it in Windows.

Original is unclear and ungrammatical. Likely intended 'I saw it in Windows' or 'I've just seen it in Windows' (meaning a software or a window display). Rephrased to a grammatically correct present perfect with direct object. Grammar problem type ID:26