公园— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Reduce hesitation and give a clear, concise topic sentence then one or two specific supporting details. Avoid filler words (umm, uh) and finish sentences fully. For example, directly state that you enjoyed parks as a child and then give 1–2 concrete reasons or a short example (what you did there). Use a linking word when adding the detail (for example, because or so).

示例: Yes, I liked going to parks as a child because they gave me space to play sports and explore nature. For example, I used to play football with my friends every weekend and we also climbed trees near the pond.

建议: Answer directly and combine similar ideas to avoid repetition. Use one clear topic sentence (Yes, I still enjoy parks) then explain briefly why and give a specific example or frequency. Replace fillers with linking words such as although or but to show contrast.

示例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, although my busy schedule means I can't visit often. When I do have spare time, I usually go for a short walk or a jog in the nearest park to relax and get some fresh air.

建议: Be concise and use varied vocabulary. Start with a clear opinion sentence then give two specific, distinct benefits with a linking word (for example and). Avoid repeating the same idea with different words. Use concrete examples (e.g., exercise, children's play areas, green spaces for events).

示例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they provide green space for relaxation and places for exercise. For instance, new parks could include walking paths and playgrounds so families can spend time together and people can do sports.

建议: Give a direct answer and expand with specific names or activities. If you plan to visit national parks, mention what you want to do there and why. Use linking words (for example, because or so) and correct small grammar issues (short hikes → short hikes or short hike).

示例: I haven't chosen a particular public park, but I plan to visit nearby national parks and conservation areas for short hikes with friends. For example, I'd like to go to [name a local park] to hike a few trails and do birdwatching because I enjoy nature and exercise.

× Growing up as a child, I've always preferred, umm, participating and, or doing, uh, extracurricular activities or outdoor activities.

✓ Growing up, I have always preferred participating in extracurricular or outdoor activities.

The original sentence misuses 'as a child' (redundant with 'growing up') and has awkward list structure and preposition use. Use present perfect 'have always preferred' to show a continuing preference from childhood to now, remove filler words, and use the correct preposition 'participating in' and parallel nouns for clarity.

× Umm, I, I've always been into sports or any sort of physical activities, umm, However, uh, in recent days I haven't been able to umm. To play.

✓ I have always been into sports and other physical activities; however, recently I have not been able to play.

The original has punctuation and sentence fragmentation issues (a period before 'To play') and mixed tenses. Use 'have always been' and 'have not been able' (present perfect) to express ongoing states and recent inability. Replace 'or any sort of' with 'and other' for parallelism and use a semicolon or conjunction for the contrast.

× OK umm yes I do prefer going to parks but in recent days due to busy schedule I I haven't got a chance to visit parks.

✓ Yes, I do prefer going to parks, but recently, due to a busy schedule, I haven't had a chance to visit them.

Use 'recently' instead of 'in recent days' for natural phrasing. 'I haven't got a chance' is informal; use 'I haven't had a chance'. Include the article 'a' before 'busy schedule' and replace repeated 'I' and repeated 'parks' with the pronoun 'them' for cohesion.

× But if I get any spare time I usually love to go. Love to visit parks.

✓ If I get any spare time, I usually love to visit parks.

The original splits one idea into two fragments and repeats 'love'. Combine into one complete sentence with proper comma after the conditional clause and remove the fragment.

× Yes, I would definitely love to have parks around cities cause uh, parks not only helps us to uh, be uh, fresh, uh, but also allows uh, to perform or do any outdoor activities or physical activities or play sports.

✓ Yes, I would definitely love to have parks in cities because parks not only help us feel refreshed, but also allow us to do outdoor or physical activities and play sports.

'Cause' should be 'because' in formal speech. Subject-verb agreement: 'parks' plural requires 'help' not 'helps'. Remove filler words and ensure verbs follow proper structure: 'allow us to do' rather than 'allows to perform'. Use parallel phrasing 'outdoor or physical activities and play sports.'

× MMM I haven't thought of visiting to any public parks but umm I'm planning to go to uh conservation areas and national parks where umm I can go with my friends for a short hikes.

✓ I haven't thought of visiting any public parks, but I'm planning to go to conservation areas and national parks where I can go with my friends for short hikes.

Remove unnecessary 'to' after 'visiting'. 'A short hikes' mixes singular article with plural noun; use 'short hikes' plural or 'a short hike' singular. Also remove filler words. The tense 'haven't thought' (present perfect) and 'I'm planning' (present continuous) are appropriate; adjust nouns and articles for correctness.