公园— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and structured: start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No + brief reason), then add one or two specific details. Avoid filler words (uh, I said) and correct unclear names or phrases. Use linking words (for example, also) to connect ideas and keep sentences short (max 3–4).

示例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because my parents often took me there. For example, one famous park in my city, Saints Mall, had old airplanes and rockets on display and several playgrounds. It also had a river with ducks, which I enjoyed feeding.

建议: Provide a clear topic sentence and specific supporting details, using correct verb forms and fewer repetitions. Replace fillers with linking words (since, so, therefore) and give one concrete example of an activity you do in parks. Keep to natural phrasing and limit to 3–4 short sentences.

示例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, especially since I moved to Australia and became more interested in nature. For instance, I often go hiking in local reserves and walk among native trees. I really enjoy spending time outdoors because it helps me relax.

建议: Answer directly and add a specific reason and one example of what you would like to see in new parks. Avoid repeated words and vague phrases. Use linking words (because, for example) to make the response coherent and concise.

示例: Definitely — I would like to see more parks because I am new here and there is a lot to explore. For example, I would like more coastal or botanical parks where I can discover local plants and wildlife.

建议: Start with a clear statement that names the place and then give specific details about what attracts you. Correct awkward phrasing (e.g., “a walk tree” → “a treetop walkway”) and use linking phrases (for example, it features, because) to explain why you want to visit. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

示例: Yes — there is a natural reserve on the Gold Coast I want to visit. It features a treetop walkway about six or seven meters above the ground, and I would love to try it because of the views and the chance to see native birds up close.

× Well, I said that yeah, my parents used to, uh, bring me to the park 1 famous one in my city was is the Saints to mall is a huge park with some airplanes, rockets, dispositions, some playgrounds.

✓ Well, yes; my parents used to bring me to the park. One famous park in my city is Saints Mall; it is a huge park with some airplanes, rockets, exhibits, and several playgrounds.

The original sentence contains run-on structure, redundant words, and unclear phrasing. Break into two sentences to clarify: 'my parents used to bring me to the park.' Then introduce the specific park with 'One famous park in my city is...'. Replace filler words ('is is'), correct 'dispositions' to 'exhibits', and add commas for lists. Suggestion: plan sentences before speaking, remove fillers, and separate ideas into distinct sentences.

× There's also a river with ducks so you can.

✓ There is also a river with ducks, so you can feed them or walk along it.

The original sentence ends abruptly and lacks a complete verb phrase. Use present simple 'There is' for a current fact and complete the idea: 'so you can feed them or walk along it.' Suggestion: always finish the purpose clause after 'so you can' with a verb.

× Yeah, definitely, uh, since I moved to Australia, I used to, I, I get used to be more into nature.

✓ Yeah, definitely. Since I moved to Australia, I have become more interested in nature.

'Used to' is incorrect here because it indicates a past habit; the speaker intends a present change since moving. Use present perfect 'have become' and the adjective 'interested in' rather than 'get used to be more into'. Suggestion: use 'have become' to describe a change that started in the past and continues now.

× So I used to go to so many parks, like do hikings, city trees, the all the nature around me.

✓ So I go to many parks, like hiking among city trees and enjoying all the nature around me.

'Used to' wrongly implies a past habit; present simple 'go' is better if still true. 'Do hikings' is incorrect: use the uncountable noun 'hiking' or 'go hiking'. Remove duplicate article 'the all the'. Also 'city trees' needs context: 'among city trees' works. Suggestion: use 'go hiking' and avoid pluralizing 'hiking'.

× Yeah, I, I, I really enjoy to, to stay in the nature.

✓ Yes, I really enjoy staying in nature.

After 'enjoy', use the gerund form ('staying'), not the infinitive ('to stay'). Also drop the article 'the' before 'nature' in general statements. Suggestion: memorize verbs that require gerunds (enjoy, avoid, consider) and practice short corrected phrases.

× Oh, definitely. As as I'm still new here in Australia, I feel, I feel that I've got so many things to explore, so many things that I still need to see around where I live.

✓ Oh, definitely. Since I'm still new here in Australia, I feel that I have many things to explore and many places I still need to see near where I live.

Duplicate words ('As as', 'I feel, I feel') and informal contractions make the sentence repetitive. Use 'Since' for reason, 'I have' rather than 'I've got' for clarity, and combine repeated phrases with 'and'. Suggestion: avoid repeating phrases and use concise connectors.

× Oh yeah, actually there's a I, I'm not sure if it's I can name as a park, but it's a natural reserve in Gold Coast.

✓ Oh yeah, actually there is a place — I'm not sure whether I can call it a park, but it is a nature reserve on the Gold Coast.

The original has disfluent filler and article errors. Use 'there is a place' or 'there is one' and 'a nature reserve' (not 'a natural reserve'). Use 'on the Gold Coast' for the region. Suggestion: remove hesitations, choose correct collocations ('nature reserve', 'on the Gold Coast').

× And they have like a, a walk tree that can walk right on the top of the trees, like I think 6 or 7 meters high.

✓ They have a treetop walkway that runs along the tops of the trees, which I think is about six or seven metres high.

'Walk tree' and 'that can walk' are incorrect; a walkway is a structure, not something that walks. Use 'treetop walkway' or 'canopy walk' and correct verb 'runs' or 'goes'. Spell out numbers under ten in speech is okay but in formal correction use words. Suggestion: learn compound nouns for attractions (treetop walkway, canopy walk) and use relative clauses properly.

× And I'd like to go this to this park in the future.

✓ I'd like to go to this park in the future.

The phrase contains an extra 'this'. Use 'go to this park' with the infinitive 'to go'. 'I'd like to' correctly expresses future desire. Suggestion: keep the verb phrase 'go to' intact and avoid redundant demonstratives.