公园— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be grammatical, concise and add a clearer topic sentence plus one or two specific supporting details. Use past tense consistently and include linking words to make it coherent. For example say why parks were enjoyable (activities, people, sights) and finish with a short summary sentence.

示例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they were places where I could run around and play on the swings. In addition, I enjoyed watching different people and looking at the trees and flowers, which made me feel relaxed. Overall, parks were my favorite place to unwind and explore.

建议: Avoid repetition and be more precise about current feelings and activities. Start with a clear topic sentence in present tense, then give a specific supporting detail and a brief comparison to your childhood to show continuity.

示例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax and get fresh air. For example, I like watching children play and remembering my own childhood, which makes the visit pleasant. In that way, parks remain as enjoyable to me now as they were when I was young.

建议: Be specific about benefits and use varied vocabulary without repeating phrases. Provide one or two concrete reasons (health, community, green space) and link them logically with connectors like 'because' and 'for example'. Finish with a concise summary.

示例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide green spaces where people can exercise and relax. For example, parks encourage families to spend time outdoors and help reduce stress for office workers. Overall, more parks would improve both public health and community life.

建议: Give a clear and concise answer naming the park, then explain specific reasons you want to visit using coherent, grammatical sentences. Avoid filler words and unclear phrases. Mention particular attractions or comparisons you expect to make.

示例: Yes, I plan to visit Disneyland in Turkey because I am curious about its attractions and design. I want to compare its rides and themed areas with other parks I have visited and relive the joy I felt at those places. I expect the experience to be exciting and memorable.

× As a child I like going to parks because it helps me enjoy and to relax and I see different people, different view and.

✓ As a child I liked going to parks because they helped me enjoy myself, relax, and see different people and views.

The sentence refers to the past (childhood) so present tense 'like' and 'helps' are incorrect; use past tense 'liked' and 'helped'. 'It helps me enjoy and to relax' is unidiomatic: use 'helped me enjoy myself' and 'relax' without extra 'to'. 'I see different people, different view' should be plural 'views'. Also replace 'it' with plural 'they' to refer to 'parks'.

× I still like going to parks now because it is really it is really fun.

✓ I still like going to parks now because they are really fun.

The student repeats 'it is really' and uses singular 'it' for plural 'parks'. Use plural subject 'they are' and remove repetition to match present habitual tense 'still like'.

× Watching kids play in the playground makes me enjoy the moments I had as a child.

✓ Watching kids play in the playground makes me enjoy the moments I had as a child.

No grammar form change needed here; sentence is acceptable. However, to be clearer, 'enjoy the moments I had as a child' is slightly awkward — consider 'remember the moments I had as a child' if the intended meaning is recollection. This is a stylistic suggestion, not a grammatical correction.

× So going to parks is just as fun as I did as a child.

✓ So going to parks now is just as fun as it was when I was a child.

Mixing present 'is' with past 'did' is incorrect. Compare present enjoyment to past using 'as it was when I was a child' or restructure with parallel tenses. Use 'was' and include 'when I was a child' for clarity.

× Yes, I'd like to see more parks in my city because it will make other people happy, it will make other people relax and enjoy and at the same time forget their problems or remove their stress.

✓ Yes, I'd like to see more parks in my city because they would make other people happy, help them relax and enjoy themselves, and help them forget their problems or reduce their stress.

Use conditional 'would' or present general 'can' rather than repeated future 'will' for a desire about hypothetical changes. 'Make other people relax' is unidiomatic; use 'help them relax'. 'Remove their stress' is better as 'reduce their stress'. Also replace singular 'it' with 'they' for 'parks'.

× And it will give them a lot of pleasant things to have.

✓ And they would provide people with many pleasant things to enjoy.

'It' incorrectly refers to 'parks' (plural) — use 'they'. 'Give them a lot of pleasant things to have' is awkward; use 'provide people with many pleasant things to enjoy'. Use conditional 'would' consistent with desire.

× Still, yes, I want to visit Turkey Disneyland because I like to explore the park and compare it to other parks I've been to, and I want to be, uh, excited in writing difference right there and to experience the joy I had compared to other packs before packs.

✓ Yes, I still want to visit Disneyland in Turkey because I would like to explore the park and compare it to other parks I've visited, and to feel the excitement and joy I experienced at other parks before.

The original sentence is disorganized and contains unclear phrases ('be excited in writing difference right there', 'packs'). Fix tense and verb choices: use 'visited' for past experience. Replace awkward fragments with clear expressions: 'feel the excitement and joy I experienced at other parks'. Remove filler 'uh' and incorrect words such as 'writing difference' and 'packs' (likely 'parks'). Use parallel structure for the list of reasons.