公园— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Cümle yapısını daha akıcı ve doğrudan hale getirmek için gereksiz tekrarları ve dolgu kelimelerini (umm, uh) azaltın. Konuyu net bir giriş cümlesiyle (topic sentence) başlatın, ardından bir veya iki bağlayıcı ile kısa destekleyici detay verin. Örneğin hangi aktiviteleri yaptığınızı veya neden sevdiğinizi belirtin.

示例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I enjoyed playing on the swings and having picnics with my family, which made weekends feel special.

建议: Cevabınızı daha doğrudan ve düzgün bir yapıda verin; dolgu kelimelerini azaltın. Bir topic sentence ile başlayıp, bir bağlaç (for example, when) kullanarak nedenleri netleştirin. Ayrıca zaman ifadelerini doğru kullanın (I go vs I have been going).

示例: I still go to parks sometimes. For example, I usually visit a park when I'm stressed or feeling low because being outdoors helps me relax.

建议: Fikrinizi kısa ve net bir topic sentence ile ifade edin, ardından bir veya iki spesifik gerekçe ekleyin. ‘Green spaces’ gibi uygun kelime öbeklerini kullanın ve tekrar eden ifadelerden kaçının. Bağlaçlarla mantıksal akışı sağlayın.

示例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city. Increasing green spaces is important because there are many buildings and parks improve air quality and provide places for people to relax.

建议: Net ve doğru İngilizce ifadeler kullanın; ‘in there’ gibi gereksiz kelimelerden kaçının ve ‘abroad’ kullanımını düzelterek tam cümle kurun. Bir topic sentence ile başlayıp, örnek verin ve kısa neden ekleyin (why you want to visit).

示例: Yes, I would like to visit Dream Park in Paris in the future because I've read that it has beautiful gardens. I also want to see parks abroad to experience different landscapes and cultures.

× I used to love going to parks and it was my favorite, one of my favorite activities.

✓ I used to love going to parks; it was one of my favorite activities.

The original sentence is mostly correct but contains redundancy and awkward punctuation. Use a semicolon or split into two sentences to connect related independent clauses. 'One of my favorite activities' is the clearer phrase. Suggestion: 'I used to love going to parks; it was one of my favorite activities.' Error type: Verb + -ing form (the use of 'going' is correct but the sentence structure needed clarification).

× Umm, I thought this is uh, very good, umm, tactic to spend my time with my family.

✓ Umm, I thought it was a very good way to spend time with my family.

The original uses 'this is' (present) while describing a past habit—use past tense 'it was'. 'Tactic' is an awkward word here; 'way' or 'method' is more natural. Also remove the redundant 'my' before 'time' after 'spend'. Suggested correction fits tense and idiomatic usage. Error types referenced: Article errors and Sentence structure errors (22, 26).

× Sometimes, but not, uh, very often, I'm going to these parks, uh, whenever, umm, I have been stressed or the, or I don't feel very good.

✓ Sometimes, but not very often, I go to parks whenever I feel stressed or don't feel well.

The original mixes present continuous 'I'm going' and present perfect 'I have been stressed' incorrectly for a habitual action. Use simple present 'I go' for habitual actions. Use 'feel stressed' or 'don't feel well' rather than 'I have been stressed' for general reasons. Also remove unnecessary articles: 'these parks' -> 'parks'.

× Of course, that is very, uh, good part of cities.

✓ Of course, that is a very good part of cities.

Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'very good part'. Use 'a' because 'part' is a singular, countable noun and the speaker is making a general statement. Also 'that' could be 'it' but keeping 'that' is acceptable in context.

× I think, uh, it's important, uh, to increase, uh, green parts of my city because there are many, uh, building around my city and I, uh, need more parks in my city.

✓ I think it's important to increase the green areas of my city because there are many buildings in my city, and I need more parks.

Use 'green areas' or 'green spaces' instead of 'green parts'. 'Building' should be plural 'buildings'. Use preposition 'in my city' rather than 'around my city' if meaning is inside the city; if meant surrounding, use 'around my city'. Also remove redundant repetition of 'in my city' at the end. Combine clauses with a comma and 'and' for clarity.

× Of course, for example, in Paris I have Dream Park in there.

✓ Of course. For example, in Paris I visited Dream Park there.

The student likely refers to a place they have been to in the past; use past tense 'visited' instead of present 'have'. 'In there' is redundant; use 'there' or 'in Paris'. If the student means they currently have a park called Dream Park in Paris, then: 'For example, Paris has Dream Park.' Clarify intended meaning and choose appropriate tense.

× Also I have a very wish to see many parks in abroad.

✓ Also, I really wish to see many parks abroad.

Incorrect collocation 'have a very wish' — use 'really wish' or 'have a strong wish'. Preposition 'in abroad' is incorrect; use 'abroad' without 'in'. Rearrange words for natural English: 'I really wish to see many parks abroad.'