公园— Part 1 评分报告

建议: ปรับโครงสร้างประโยคให้ชัดเจน ใช้คำกริยารูปอดีตเมื่อพูดถึงอดีต (เช่น liked, spent) ลดคำเติมเสียง (umm) และหลีกเลี่ยงการซ้ำซ้อนของคำ เช่น ใช้ ‘slides’ แทน ‘sliders’ ให้รายละเอียดเฉพาะเจาะจงเพียง 2-3 ประโยคเชื่อมด้วยคำเชื่อมอย่าง ‘because’ หรือ ‘and’

示例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often spent afternoons there with my childhood friends, playing on the swings and slides. I have fond memories because my parents frequently took us for picnics, and we always had fun together.

建议: ปรับไวยากรณ์และคำศัพท์ (a feeling calm → a calming feeling), ใช้เอกพจน์/พหูพจน์อย่างถูกต้อง (my family) และหลีกเลี่ยงวลียุ่งเหยิง เช่น ‘We love to do learning a lot’ ให้ระบุรายละเอียดที่ชัดเจนและเชื่อมด้วยคำเชื่อมเช่น ‘for example’

示例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they give me a calming feeling. I often go there with my family or friends to relax and exercise; for example, we sometimes do aerobics or Zumba classes in the open air.

建议: ปรับประโยคให้กระชับและตรรกะชัดเจน แก้คำผิด (spaces not spades) และใช้สาเหตุอย่างเป็นระบบ เช่น ‘because the city is crowded and needs green spaces’ เพิ่มข้อมูลเฉพาะ เช่น ประโยชน์ของสวน (ลดมลพิษ/พื้นที่พักผ่อน) และลดคำเติมเสียง

示例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because it is very urbanised and needs green spaces. More parks would help reduce pollution and provide peaceful places for people to relax and exercise.

建议: ปรับไวยากรณ์และการเรียบเรียงให้สมบูรณ์ ระบุเหตุผลชัดเจน (e.g., famous for lakes, jogging paths) แก้คำสับสนเรื่องสถานที่เกิด และเติมข้อมูลเกี่ยวกับแผนการในอนาคต ใช้ประโยคเต็มจบความคิด

示例: I would like to visit Lumpini Park in Bangkok because I’ve heard it has lovely lakes and good jogging paths. I don’t live in the capital, so I hope to visit one day with my family to relax and explore the park.

× I like to go to the park when I was a child, I love to spending time with my childhood friend on the swings and on the sliders.

✓ I liked going to the park when I was a child; I loved spending time with my childhood friends on the swings and slides.

The sentence mixes present tense 'like' with past time marker 'when I was a child'. Use past tense 'liked' and 'loved' to match the time frame. Also use 'spending' correctly after 'loved' and plural 'friends' if referring to more than one; 'slides' is the correct noun. Suggestion: maintain consistent past tense for memories and use parallel verb forms (liked, loved spending).

× I love to spending time with my childhood friend on the swings and on the sliders.

✓ I loved spending time with my childhood friends on the swings and slides.

After verbs like 'love' when used in past context, use the gerund without 'to' ('loved spending'). 'To spending' is ungrammatical. Also 'slides' is the correct noun and 'friends' is likely plural. Suggestion: use 'loved spending' or 'liked to spend' consistently.

× And I think it was really, really amazing memories because I remember that my parents often took me there to do the part umm, to for picnics and umm have.

✓ And I think they were really amazing memories because I remember that my parents often took me there for picnics.

'It was really amazing memories' mixes singular 'it' with plural 'memories' and uses present tense 'think' about past events. Use past plural 'they were' or restructure. 'To do the part' and 'to for picnics and have' are incorrect phrases; 'for picnics' suffices. Suggestion: say 'they were really amazing memories' or 'they are wonderful memories' if keeping present reflection, and remove filler words.

× I still like going to parks now. I think parks give me a feeling calm.

✓ I still like going to parks now. I think parks make me feel calm.

'Give me a feeling calm' is incorrect word order and choice. Use 'make me feel calm' or 'give me a feeling of calm'. Suggestion: use 'make me feel calm' for natural English.

× I love to do activities there with my families and my friends.

✓ I love doing activities there with my family and my friends.

'Families' is incorrect if referring to the person's family; use singular 'family'. Also 'love to do activities' is acceptable but 'love doing activities' is more natural. Suggestion: use 'family' and maintain parallel structure.

× We love to do learning a lot and do some exercise such as aerobics, dance or Zumba dance.

✓ We enjoy learning a lot and doing exercises such as aerobics, dancing, or Zumba.

'Love to do learning' is ungrammatical; use 'enjoy learning' or 'like to learn'. Also parallelism requires 'doing exercises'. 'Dance or Zumba dance' is repetitive; use 'dancing' or 'Zumba'. Suggestion: 'enjoy learning and doing exercises such as aerobics or Zumba.'

× Of course, I want to see more parks in my city because nowadays it's most of them. It's urban community and urban cities.

✓ Of course, I want to see more parks in my city because nowadays there are too few of them; my city is very urban and densely built.

'Nowadays it's most of them' is unclear and ungrammatical. Use 'there are too few of them' to express lack of parks. 'It's urban community and urban cities' mixes forms; clarify as 'my city is very urban' or 'it's an urban community'. Suggestion: be explicit about lack of green spaces and correct word order.

× I think to see more green spades, it made me feel calm and if I have a chance to go to more green spades and umm.

✓ I think seeing more green spaces would make me feel calm, and I hope I have more opportunities to go to them.

'To see more' should be 'seeing more' in this context. 'Green spades' is a misspelling; correct term is 'green spaces'. 'It made me feel calm' mixes tenses; use conditional 'would make me feel calm'. Suggestion: use 'seeing' and 'would make' and correct nouns.

× I want to go to Lumpini Park which is located in Bangkok because I am from Pisani Lok, not in the capital of my country and I heard that it's very very good parks there.

✓ I want to go to Lumpini Park, which is located in Bangkok, because I am from Pisani Lok, not the capital of my country, and I have heard that there are very good parks there.

Add commas around the relative clause. 'Not in the capital of my country' should be 'not the capital of my country' to show origin. 'It's very very good parks there' mixes singular 'it' with plural 'parks' and repeats 'very'. Use 'there are very good parks there' or better 'there are many very good parks'. Suggestion: fix clause boundaries and subject-verb agreement and avoid repetition.

× I hope that some days I could visit there with my.

✓ I hope that someday I can visit there with my family.

'Some days' should be 'someday' or 'some day' meaning in the future. 'I could visit there' is awkward; use 'I can visit' or 'I will be able to visit'. 'With my.' is incomplete; likely 'with my family' or 'with my friends'. Suggestion: complete the phrase and choose appropriate future modal ('can' or 'will be able to').