旅行— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific details linked logically. Avoid repetition and fix tense/word choice errors (e.g., "found" → "find", "scenery way" unclear).

示例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because I enjoy watching the landscape. For example, when I travelled abroad last year I saw rolling hills and colourful fields that I don’t see at home, so I paused to take them in.

建议: Correct grammar and reduce hesitations. Give a clear topic sentence, then a specific example with accurate verbs and reduced filler words. Replace vague phrases like "found it very beautiful" with precise descriptions.

示例: Yes, I often take photos of scenery from the window, especially when it looks striking. For instance, while travelling to New Zealand I saw dramatic mountains and turquoise lakes, so I took several photos to remember the view.

建议: Clarify your preference and avoid unrelated or unclear words ("bird", "C"). State a direct topic sentence (I prefer the sea/mountains), then give one concrete reason using linking words. Fix grammar and complete the sentence.

示例: I prefer the sea because I enjoy swimming and it helps me cool down in hot summer weather. For example, on hot days I like going to the beach where the sea breeze and water make me feel much more comfortable.

× Yes, I usually look out at the scenery when I travel by bus and car because I found it beautiful and I can't see it every day, especially the scenery way when I traveled overseas.

✓ Yes, I usually look out at the scenery when I travel by bus or car because I find it beautiful and I don't see it every day, especially the scenery when I travel overseas.

Mixed tense usage: the original mixes present habits ('usually') with past tense 'found' and 'traveled'. Use present simple 'find' and 'travel' to match habitual action. Also use 'or' for alternatives and 'don't see' for the negative present. Grammar problem type ID: 6

× Yes, I do, especially if it is the scenery that I found it very beautiful.

✓ Yes, I do, especially if the scenery is very beautiful.

Redundant pronoun 'it' and incorrect tense 'found' create an awkward clause. Use a simple adjective clause 'if the scenery is very beautiful'. This keeps present tense and removes unnecessary pronoun. Grammar problem type ID: 12

× For example, when I was towering to New Zealand, uh, I found the scenery was very stunning.

✓ For example, when I was travelling to New Zealand, I found the scenery very stunning.

Incorrect verb 'towering' is likely a wrong word; use 'travelling'. Keep past tense 'found' for that past trip, but remove extra 'was' after 'found' to avoid redundancy: 'found the scenery very stunning' is correct. Grammar problem type ID: 5

× So I have to put my phone and take a picture of it.

✓ So I had to take out my phone and take a picture of it.

The original 'have to put my phone' is ungrammatical and mixes present obligation with past narrative. For a past event use 'had to' and the correct phrasal verb is 'take out my phone'. This fixes sentence structure and tense. Grammar problem type ID: 15

× Uh, I prefer bird but if I have to choose one I prefer C because I like especially in the summer that the weather is very hot so the sea help my body temperature cool down so that is why I like to.

✓ Uh, I prefer the beach, but if I have to choose one I prefer the sea because I especially like it in summer when the weather is very hot, and the sea helps cool my body down, so that is why I like it.

Multiple issues: incorrect noun 'bird' likely meant 'beach' or 'birds'—context suggests 'beach/sea'; unclear reference 'C' removed and replaced with 'the sea'. Fix pronouns ('it'), adverb placement ('especially in summer' -> 'I especially like it in summer'), subject-verb agreement 'sea helps', and add 'it' after 'like'. Clarify causal clause and use correct verb forms. This addresses pronoun misuse and subject-verb agreement. Grammar problem type ID: 12