旅行— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler phrases and slightly incorrect expressions (e.g. "lookout" → "look out", "maybe not the recommendation" → "it's not recommended"). Keep it to 2–4 sentences.

示例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel by car because I enjoy seeing new places. For example, when I visited a small town last year, I watched the changing landscape and took note of local architecture, which helped me remember the trip.

建议: Improve clarity and coherence by using linking words and precise vocabulary. Remove hesitations ("uh") and correct awkward phrases ("I had a piece" is unclear). Provide a short, specific example with details (what you photographed, why it was memorable). Limit to 2–3 sentences.

示例: Yes, I often take photos of landscapes from the bus window. For instance, last year I rode up a mountain in China on the first snowy day and photographed the snow-covered pines, which looked stunning against the blue sky.

建议: Give a direct topic sentence and one clear reason with a supporting detail. Fix grammar and word choice ("mountain" not "the mountain", "Thailand mostly has hot weather", avoid repetition and unclear fragments like "marching with with among the"). Use one linking word such as "because" and keep it to 2 sentences.

示例: I prefer mountains because they are cooler and more refreshing than the coast. For example, when I visit the highlands I enjoy hiking in the pine forests and breathing the fresh air, which is a nice break from Thailand's heat.

× Yes, most of the time when I travel by car, I always lookout for the views because sleeping while traveling is maybe not the recommendation, right?

✓ Yes, most of the time when I travel by car, I always look out at the views because sleeping while traveling is perhaps not recommended, right?

The original uses 'lookout' (a noun) instead of the phrasal verb 'look out' and 'for' is less natural than 'at' with 'views'. Also 'maybe not the recommendation' is ungrammatical; 'perhaps not recommended' uses correct adjective form. Suggestion: use the verb phrase 'look out at', replace 'lookout', and use 'perhaps not recommended' for natural phrasing.

× I can say that I always take photos of the landscape. Uh, for example, last year I went to China and, uh, I went to the high mountain in China by bus and it was the first day of snowing, so I had a piece.

✓ I can say that I always take photos of the landscape. For example, last year I went to China and I went to the high mountains by bus, and it was the first day of snow, so I took some pictures.

Problems: 'high mountain' should be plural 'high mountains' when referring generally, 'the first day of snowing' is incorrect - use 'the first snow' or 'the first day of snow'. 'I had a piece' is wrong for photos; use 'I took some pictures'. Also ensure past simple consistency. Suggestion: use plural for general mountains, 'the first snow' and 'took pictures' (past tense verb).

× I prefer the mountain because Thailand mostly had hot weather and I need somewhere that I can feel fresh in with the cold colder weather.

✓ I prefer the mountains because Thailand mostly has hot weather and I need somewhere I can feel cooler and fresher.

'The mountain' should be plural 'the mountains' when speaking generally. 'Thailand mostly had hot weather' mixes past tense; use present 'has' for habitual climate. 'Feel fresh in with the cold colder weather' is awkward and repetitive; 'feel cooler and fresher' is concise and correct. Suggestion: match plural nouns for general preferences, use present tense for general facts, and simplify adjective phrases.

× So the marching with with among the.

✓ So I like walking among the mountains.

Original is fragmented and contains repeated words ('with with') and unclear nouns ('marching' likely meant 'hiking' or 'walking'). The sentence needs a subject and a clear verb. Suggestion: clarify intended activity ('walking' or 'hiking') and object ('among the mountains') and form a complete sentence.