建筑— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and correct grammar: start with a clear topic sentence, then one or two supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler words (umm) and countable/uncountable errors (use plural/singular correctly).

示例: I don't live near many tall buildings because I live in the countryside. However, if I travel into the city, there are lots of high-rise buildings, which I find interesting to look at.

建议: Start with a direct answer then add a brief reason. Fix grammar (take pictures, as many tall buildings) and avoid repetition. Use linking words like because or since for cohesion.

示例: Yes, I often take photos of buildings. When I first moved to Australia I was fascinated by the many skyscrapers here, so I took pictures whenever I saw an impressive building.

建议: Give a clearer topic sentence and a specific supporting detail. If you don't remember the name, say so briefly and describe the feature you like. Use linking words (for example, because) to connect ideas.

示例: Yes, there is a very tall building whose name I can't remember, but it has an observation deck with great views. I would like to visit it to watch the sunset because I enjoy scenic views and photography.

建议: Answer directly, then give one or two concise reasons without repeating. Remove redundant phrases and use correct phrasing (e.g. 'I would feel unsafe during an earthquake'). Use a linking word such as because or so.

示例: No, I wouldn't want to live in a tall building because it would make me feel unsafe, especially in the event of an earthquake. I prefer a low-rise house where I would feel more secure.

× The place where I live right now doesn't have that much of A tall building because it's a little bit on umm countryside.

✓ The place where I live right now doesn't have many tall buildings because it's a little bit in the countryside.

The sentence has article and quantifier issues. 'A tall building' is incorrect with 'that much of' and singular; use 'many tall buildings' for countable plural. Also use 'in the countryside' rather than 'on countryside'. Replace informal filler 'umm' and correct determiner usage.

× That's why there are not much of tall buildings.

✓ That's why there are not many tall buildings.

'Much' is used with uncountable nouns; 'many' is used with countable plural nouns like 'buildings'. Drop 'of' which is unnecessary here.

× But when we go a little further to City side then we can see lots of tall buildings.

✓ But when we go a little further to the city side, we can see lots of tall buildings.

Use the definite article 'the' with 'city side' and add a comma before the result clause. 'City side' should be 'city side' or 'the city' and 'then' is unnecessary; natural phrasing is 'we can see'.

× Initially when I came to Australia, I was really fond of taking picture when I whenever I saw those tall buildings because back in our home country there are not as much taller buildings as here in Australia.

✓ Initially when I came to Australia, I was really fond of taking pictures whenever I saw those tall buildings because back in our home country there were not as many tall buildings as in Australia.

Use plural 'pictures' and remove redundant 'when'. Maintain past tense 'were' to match 'came'. Use 'as many' for countable nouns and 'as in Australia' for clarity. 'Taller' was incorrect comparative; use 'tall'.

× That's why it was a new thing for me.

✓ That's why it was a new experience for me.

'New thing' is understandable but 'new experience' is more natural collocation in English.

× That's where my excitement came.

✓ That's what excited me.

Original is awkward. 'That's what excited me' or 'That's where my excitement came from' are more natural; chosen correction is concise.

× Yes, there is one building, I forgot the exact name, but that's a really tall building from where we can see the best spot for scenic sunset.

✓ Yes, there is one building; I forgot the exact name, but it's a really tall building from which we can see the best spot for a scenic sunset.

Use 'which' with 'from' to form a relative clause ('from which we can see'). Add articles: 'a scenic sunset'. Replace comma splice with a semicolon or separate sentences.

× And I'm very fond of sunset.

✓ And I'm very fond of sunsets.

Use plural 'sunsets' when speaking generally. 'Fond of' is correct.

× That's why I would love to visit that building just for sunset.

✓ That's why I would love to visit that building just to watch the sunset.

'For sunset' is awkward; 'to watch the sunset' is a clearer infinitive purpose. Modal 'would love to' is fine.

× No, actually I'm not that interested in living in tall buildings because I feel a little bit scared to stay there all the time.

✓ No, actually I'm not that interested in living in tall buildings because I feel a little bit scared about staying there all the time.

Change 'scared to stay' to 'scared about staying' for natural collocation. Subject-verb is fine.

× Because whenever I feel like whenever there is some natural disaster like earthquake, then that can be a little bit unsafe.

✓ Because whenever there is a natural disaster like an earthquake, it could be a little unsafe.

Remove redundant 'whenever I feel like whenever'. Use article 'an earthquake' and replace 'then that can be' with 'it could be' for natural conditional phrasing.