建筑— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Fix tense and article errors (e.g., “the 18th floor,” “a nice experience”). Use linking words such as “for example” or “last week” to order details.

示例: Yes, there are many tall buildings near my home. For example, I pass several skyscrapers on my way to work every day, and last week my family and I visited one and went up to the 18th floor, which was a nice experience.

建议: Give a direct topic sentence and then one clear reason with a concise supporting detail. Simplify expressions and correct awkward phrasing (e.g., “I usually don’t take photos of buildings” instead of contradictory wording). Use a linking word like “because” to connect reason and example.

示例: I usually don’t take photos of buildings because I prefer to enjoy the view directly. For example, when I visit a landmark I spend time looking around and soaking up the atmosphere rather than taking pictures.

建议: Give a clear opening sentence naming a specific building or type, then add one specific reason why you want to visit. Avoid repetition and correct grammar (e.g., “a few buildings,” “one of them is in Paris”). Use linking words like “for example” or “such as.”

示例: Yes, there are a few buildings I would like to visit, such as the Eiffel Tower in Paris and several modern skyscrapers in Tokyo. I often see them in films and photos, and I want to experience their architecture and city views in person.

建议: Provide a concise topic sentence and one or two specific reasons. Correct grammar and avoid repetition (remove extra “I will”). Use linking words like “because” and give a concrete example of what you would like about living there.

示例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because I could enjoy panoramic city views and watch people and traffic from above. For instance, from a high-floor apartment I could see the skyline at sunset, which would be very enjoyable.

× Yes, there are so many skyscrapers in my neighborhood.

✓ Yes, there are so many skyscrapers in my neighborhood.

No article error; sentence is correct. (Included to keep context.)

× In fact, when I go to work every day, I will see them.

✓ In fact, when I go to work every day, I see them.

The use of 'will' with habitual actions is incorrect. For habitual or repeated actions use the simple present (I see). Suggestion: use simple present for routines.

× Last week I went with my family and we went to one of them to the 18th floors.

✓ Last week I went with my family and we went to one of them to the 18th floor.

Two issues: repetition of 'went' is stylistically weak but grammatical; the main grammatical error is plural 'floors' after a specific ordinal '18th' which should be singular 'floor'. Use 'the 18th floor.' Also consider revising to avoid repeated 'went' (e.g., 'Last week I went with my family to one of them and we went up to the 18th floor.').

× It was nice experience.

✓ It was a nice experience.

Missing indefinite article before a singular countable noun 'experience.' Add 'a'. Also 'nice' correctly modifies the noun.

× Usually in general I will.

✓ Usually, I do.

Phrase 'Usually in general' is redundant; 'I will' is inappropriate here for habitual preference. Use 'Usually, I do' or 'In general, I do.' Keep simple present for habits.

× I don't like to take any photos, especially buildings, because I want to see the thing that I'm feeling excited or enjoyed by it and to spend the time seeing it and feel it instead of taking photos.

✓ I don't like to take photos, especially of buildings, because I want to see what makes me excited or happy and spend time experiencing it instead of taking photos.

Multiple errors: 'any photos' is awkward—use 'photos'; missing preposition 'of' after 'especially'; 'the thing that I'm feeling excited or enjoyed by it' is ungrammatical—need 'what makes me excited or happy'; 'enjoyed' wrong form; parallel structure needed: 'spend time experiencing it' rather than 'to spend the time seeing it and feel it'. Suggestions: simplify and use 'what' to introduce the thing, maintain parallel verb forms, and use correct prepositions.

× There are a few building buildings that I wish I could go and see them in person.

✓ There are a few buildings that I wish I could see in person.

Duplicate word 'building buildings' and incorrect inclusion of both 'that' and 'them' (redundant). Also 'a few building' should be plural 'buildings'. Remove redundancy and avoid using both relative pronoun and object pronoun.

× One of them in Paris and the rest are in Tokyo.

✓ One of them is in Paris and the rest are in Tokyo.

Missing verb 'is' after the subject 'One of them.' Every clause needs a verb; add 'is' to be grammatical.

× I usually see them in movies and I wish I can go and see them.

✓ I usually see them in movies and I wish I could go and see them.

After 'wish' to talk about an unreal or unlikely possibility in the present or future, use past modal form 'could' not 'can.' This expresses desire for something not currently possible.

× Yes, I do want to live in a big and tall building because I will see people and cars in a small shape and I will I can see the whole city from top of the building, so it's really nice experience to see everything.

✓ Yes, I do want to live in a big, tall building because I would see people and cars as small and I could see the whole city from the top of the building, so it would be a really nice experience to see everything.

Multiple errors: 'big and tall building' better as 'big, tall building' (adjective order); 'I will see...in a small shape' is unidiomatic—use 'would see people and cars as small' and conditional 'would/could' matches hypothetical desire; extra 'I will I can' is redundant and ungrammatical; missing article before 'top' ('the top of the building'); 'it's really nice experience' needs article: 'a really nice experience.' Suggestions: use conditional/modal 'would/could' for hypothetical situations, include definite article 'the', and ensure adjective order and articles are correct.