走路— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence stating whether you walk a lot, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid filler words (uh, umm) and repeated phrases. Use linking words (for example, after) to make the answer coherent.

示例: Yes, I walk quite often, especially in summer. For example, after big family meals we usually go for a walk in the nearby park to relax and enjoy the fresh air.

建议: Provide a direct answer about past habits using past tense and fewer hedges (maybe). Start with a clear past-tense topic sentence, then give one specific detail or example. Correct grammar (went outside, made friends).

示例: Yes, I often went outside to play when I was a child. I was outgoing and I made many friends in my neighborhood, so I preferred playing outdoors and exploring with them.

建议: Answer directly and use clear reasons with linking words. Give two specific, well-phrased reasons and one brief example. Avoid hesitations and unclear phrases.

示例: People like walking in parks because the fresh air and quiet environment help them relax. Also, parks have plants and flowers, which allow people to connect with nature and reduce stress.

建议: Start with a clear conditional sentence (I would...), then give specific reasons and one vivid detail. Use linking words (because, and) correctly, and avoid trailing fragments.

示例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk in the quiet park near my home because few people visit it and there is a wetland nearby where you can see rare birds and other wildlife.

建议: Use past tense clearly and avoid repeating words. Provide one clear specific place and one or two concise details about what you did there. Remove filler sounds and unclear fragments.

示例: Recently I went to Pingchang, a coastal city. I stayed at a hotel for a few days and spent my free time walking along the coastline to enjoy the beach and sea views.

× Yes, I usually work with my family, especially during the summer, and we usually have up, uh, go for a walk in the park after having a big meal and umm, it's a really good way for us to relax and, umm, to enjoy the enjoying the fresh air is really comfortable.

✓ Yes, I usually work with my family, especially during the summer, and we usually go for a walk in the park after having a big meal; it's a really good way for us to relax and enjoy the fresh air.

The sentence contains redundant and incorrect pronoun and phrase usage ('have up, go for a walk', 'to enjoy the enjoying the fresh air'). Remove unnecessary words and streamline the verb phrases. Use 'we usually go for a walk' rather than 'have up, go for a walk' and 'enjoy the fresh air' rather than 'to enjoy the enjoying the fresh air'. This produces clear, grammatical coordination of clauses. Suggestion: simplify clauses, remove filler words, and use consistent verb forms such as 'go for a walk' and 'enjoy'.

× Maybe I usually give outside because I am really outgoing and the outer world give me a sense of comfort and achievement.

✓ Maybe I usually went outside because I was really outgoing and the outside world gave me a sense of comfort and achievement.

The question asks about childhood (past time), so verbs should be in the past tense. 'Give' and 'am' are present; change to 'gave' and 'was'. Also 'outside' as a verb is unnatural; use 'went outside' or 'played outside'. Suggestion: match past tense for time references and use 'went outside' or 'played outside'.

× I usually make a lot of friends when I was a child, so maybe I prefer staying outside when I was really pretty young.

✓ I usually made a lot of friends when I was a child, so I preferred staying outside when I was quite young.

The clause refers to past habitual actions, so use past tense 'made' and 'preferred' rather than present 'make' and 'prefer'. Also replace 'really pretty young' with 'quite young' for natural phrasing. Suggestion: use past tense for childhood descriptions and choose natural adverbs (quite rather than really pretty).

× Maybe because of the fresh air and the relaxed environment and park is a place with many flowers and grass around them so they can feel the nature better.

✓ Maybe because of the fresh air and the relaxed environment; a park is a place with many flowers and grass, so people can feel closer to nature.

When introducing a general noun ('park') use the indefinite article 'a' not nothing or 'the' if referring generically. 'Around them' is unclear; use 'around it' or rephrase to 'flowers and grass'. 'Feel the nature' is unnatural; use 'feel closer to nature'. Suggestion: use 'a park' for general statements and 'people' for general subjects, and rephrase 'feel closer to nature'.

× A nervous uh, so they can nurture a love for the nature better.

✓ It also helps people relax, so they can develop a greater love of nature.

Original has fragments ('A nervous uh') and incorrect article use ('the nature'). Replace with a full clause and use 'love of nature' or 'love for nature' without 'the'. Suggestion: avoid fragments and use 'nature' without 'the' when speaking generally.

× Maybe just the park around my home, because it is really quiet.

✓ Maybe just the park near my home, because it is really quiet.

'Around my home' is acceptable but 'near my home' is more natural for location. No article error here beyond preference. Suggestion: use 'near my home' for natural location descriptions.

× Few people know about this place.

✓ Few people know about this place.

This sentence is grammatical. 'Few' correctly indicates a small number. No correction needed; retained for clarity. Suggestion: none.

× And then there are, there is a wetland beside this park, so you can see many rare animals and endangered species.

✓ There is a wetland beside this park, so you can see many rare and endangered species there.

Mixed use 'there are, there is' is redundant. Use a single correct structure 'There is a wetland'. Combine 'rare animals and endangered species' to 'rare and endangered species' for conciseness. Suggestion: avoid redundant fillers and streamline noun phrases.

× And during your working. Yeah.

✓ And it's also peaceful during the workday.

Original is a fragment and unclear. Provide a full sentence that fits context: if meaning 'during your work' or 'workday', use 'during the workday'. Suggestion: avoid sentence fragments; complete the thought with subject and verb.

× Maybe ping Chang a coastal city.

✓ Maybe Pingchang, a coastal city.

Sentence fragment and missing punctuation/capitalization. Use apposition with commas: 'Pingchang, a coastal city.' Also proper noun capitalization. Suggestion: write place names with capitalization and use commas for apposition.

× I just travel there and just like have a really long journey.

✓ I just travelled there and had a really long trip.

The student is describing a recent past trip, so past tense verbs 'travelled' and 'had' are required. 'Journey' is fine but 'trip' is more natural. Suggestion: use past tense for completed actions (I travelled, I had).

× So I just have the hotel long term hotel there and then I have many spare time to walk along the riverbank, Uh, to be precise, is the coastal line so I can enjoy the beach and the, uh, short hair is really.

✓ So I stayed in a long-term hotel there and had a lot of spare time to walk along the riverbank; to be precise, it is the coastline, so I could enjoy the beach.

Original contains tense errors, redundancies ('the hotel long term hotel'), and fragments ('short hair is really'). Use past tense 'stayed' and 'had', remove repeated words, and complete the coastline clause. 'Short hair is really' is incomplete and unclear, so it is removed. Suggestion: use precise verbs (stayed), avoid repetition, and remove unclear fragments.