爱好— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and grammatically accurate. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid repetition and incorrect verb forms (e.g., use “playing football makes you active,” not “make you being active”). Keep to 3–4 sentences and use cleaner linking words such as “because,” “and,” or “also.”

示例: I have two main hobbies: playing football and watching movies. I prefer playing football because it keeps me fit and helps me meet and socialize with many people. Also, football gives me opportunities to learn teamwork and sometimes to help others by sharing equipment or advice.

建议: Organize chronologically and use specific details concisely. Begin with a clear past-tense topic sentence, then add two concrete details (where you played, what was special). Correct grammar (past tense, plural/singular) and avoid fragmented phrases. Use linking words like “when,” “so,” and “because” properly.

示例: Yes. I started playing football when I was very young. My friends and I used to meet at the village stadium or the school playground to play. Sometimes we even made our own footballs from old materials, which was fun and taught me how resourceful we had to be.

建议: Respond directly with a topic sentence and two specific supporting details. Use past tense and clearer vocabulary (e.g., “people brought a TV and DVDs” not “ TV's and some DVDs to like show”). Avoid filler words. Use linking words like “because” or “so” to connect ideas.

示例: Yes — watching movies is a hobby I have had since childhood. In my village, people used to bring a TV and DVDs from nearby towns to show films, and we would save money to buy a ticket. Those outings felt like a modern cinema experience and sparked my long-term interest in movies.

建议: Give a clear topic sentence and two concise supporting facts about family hobbies. Fix grammar, pronoun and tense errors, and avoid repetition. Mention specific details (e.g., father played locally but stopped due to knee injury; mother supports a specific team). Use linking words like “however” and “because.”

示例: Yes. Football is a shared interest in my family. My father used to play for a local team but stopped because of a knee injury, while my mother is an enthusiastic supporter of a particular club (Simba). Because of this family background, my passion for football developed naturally.

× The most important hobby that I like are watching football, playing football and the second one is just watching movies.

✓ The most important hobby that I like is watching and playing football, and the second one is watching movies.

Subject 'The most important hobby' is singular, so verb should be 'is' not 'are'. Also combine similar activities in parallel form and use 'watching and playing football' for clarity.

× I really like the first one really because with the first one playing football of course make you being active and meet the friends a lot of people, which is very good for how you engage with.

✓ I really like the first one because playing football of course makes you active and helps you meet a lot of people, which is very good for how you engage with others.

Subject 'playing football' (gerund) requires third-person singular verb 'makes' not 'make'. 'Meet the friends a lot of people' is ungrammatical; revise to 'meet a lot of people'. Add 'helps' to link meeting people. End phrase 'engage with others' completes the idea.

× And maybe look for opportunities of life and but with that also I guess you can share with what you have with others and that is very important I think.

✓ You may also look for life opportunities, and you can share what you have with others, which I think is very important.

Original sentence has redundant conjunctions and awkward word order. Use modal 'may' for possibility, reorder phrase 'look for life opportunities', remove extra connectors 'and but', and combine clauses with commas for clarity.

× Yes, my hobby that I have now which is playing football started doing.

✓ Yes, my current hobby, which is playing football, started when I was young.

Original 'started doing' is incorrect collocation. Use 'started when I was young' or 'I started playing football when I was young' to indicate past beginning. Maintain past tense with 'started'.

× I was very young when I was a kid.

✓ I was very young when I started.

Redundant phrases 'very young' and 'when I was a kid' repeat the same idea. Simplify to 'I was very young when I started' or 'I was a kid when I started' for clarity.

× So during that time I Remember Me and my friends were just meet in a local stadiums in our village and or sometimes in a school where you were playing soccer and saw something which is was very funny was we were using less a document football.

✓ During that time I remember my friends and I meeting at local stadiums in our village or sometimes at a school to play soccer. Something very funny was that we used homemade footballs.

Multiple errors: 'Remember Me and my friends' should be 'I remember my friends and I'. 'Meet' -> 'meeting' for gerund after remember. Use 'at local stadiums' (preposition). 'Using less a document football' is unintelligible; corrected to 'used homemade footballs' to convey meaning. Remove redundant words and fix word order.

× So we are not using. This football which are made from industries, so which was very funny, something that I like the most because sometimes I was able to make those balls myself really.

✓ We were not using the manufactured footballs; we used balls made by ourselves, which was very funny and something I liked the most because sometimes I could make those balls myself.

Use past tense consistently ('were not using', 'used'). 'This football which are made from industries' wrong article/plural agreement; use 'the manufactured footballs'. 'Was able to' -> 'could' for simpler past ability. Reorder clauses for coherence.

× So apart from football, again, I think about movie, you know, I was in the village.

✓ So apart from football, I also think about movies; when I was in the village,

'I think about movie' incorrect number and article; use plural 'movies'. Maintain tense consistency: 'when I was in the village' sets past context for following clause.

× So at that time we had some people who came from less far away in other village coming our village with TV's and some DVDs to like show some movies.

✓ At that time some people came from nearby villages to our village with TVs and DVDs to show movies.

'Less far away in other village' is awkward; use 'nearby villages'. Prepositions: 'to our village' not 'coming our village'. 'TV's' -> 'TVs'. Simplify phrase 'to show movies'.

× And yeah, so I was remember like going to my father born for ask for money so that we can go.

✓ I remember going to my father to ask him for money so that we could go.

'I was remember' incorrect tense/form; use 'I remember'. 'going to my father born' unclear—use 'going to my father'. 'for ask for money' -> 'to ask him for money'. Use past tense 'could' for ability in past context.

× So you can, uh, say like it was just movie, but it's all like modern cinema nowadays, so yeah.

✓ You could say it was just movies, but nowadays it's like modern cinema.

Use 'could say' for past/hypothetical comment. 'just movie' should be plural 'just movies'. Reorder to 'nowadays it's like modern cinema' for clarity.

× Yeah, yes. So for example, my, my, of course my father was playing football. And of course he, he played in a local area, like in the same village.

✓ Yes. For example, my father used to play football; he played locally in the same village.

Redundant hesitations removed. Use 'used to play' to indicate past habitual action. 'played in a local area, like in the same village' streamlined to 'played locally in the same village'.

× But of course he, he got injured in his knees. So because of that, he's not playing anymore.

✓ But he injured his knees, so because of that he does not play anymore.

Use simple past 'injured' rather than 'got injured in his knees'. 'He's not playing anymore' is present continuous; better 'does not play anymore' or 'no longer plays' for habitual non-action.

× Of course now he's old. Of course, my, my mother too like to. So like he's, she's a fan of 1 football team.

✓ Of course now he is old. My mother, too, likes football; she is a fan of one football team.

Fix pronoun agreement and verb form: 'mother... likes'. Remove unclear 'like to' and correct 'he's, she's' confusion. Use 'one football team' spelled out.

× It doesn't. So it's like I think this passion of football is rooted into from the family, family perspective, because my mother is Simba, my father is is younger.

✓ I think this passion for football is rooted in the family, because my mother supports Simba and my father supports Young Africans.

'It doesn't.' is stray. Use 'passion for football' (correct preposition). 'Rooted into from' wrong; use 'rooted in'. Clarify team names: 'Simba' and likely 'Young Africans' (not 'younger'), and remove duplicate words. Ensure sentence conveys that parents support teams.