爱好— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be concise and accurate: start with a clear topic sentence naming your hobbies, then add one or two specific supporting details. Correct grammar (verb forms, articles) and avoid repetition. Use linking words (for example, and, also, besides) to connect ideas and keep sentences to a maximum of five.

示例: I enjoy playing cricket, boxing and jiu-jitsu. For example, I competed in boxing at the state level and won a gold medal. Also, I train regularly with my coach, Ravinder Singh, who teaches me the fundamentals and helps me improve my technique.

建议: Answer directly and avoid long general statements. Begin with a clear topic sentence about childhood hobbies, then give one or two specific memories. Remove unrelated comments about the country and correct tense and article errors.

示例: Yes. As a child I often played cricket and volleyball with my friends in the neighborhood playground. I remember enjoying cricket most because we would play every evening after school and organize small matches among the local children.

建议: Start with a clear statement that identifies the hobby and use present perfect or simple present to show continuity. Give concise reasons why you keep it and one specific detail about how you practice it. Avoid vague fillers and unclear conclusions.

示例: Yes, I have been running since childhood. I still run three times a week because it helps me relieve stress and keeps me fit. For example, I usually run five kilometers in the park every morning before work.

建议: Answer directly and organize your response: begin with a topic sentence saying whether your hobbies are the same or different, then list one or two family hobbies with brief, specific details. Use correct grammar (articles, verb forms) and avoid irrelevant praise or unclear phrases.

示例: No, my hobbies are different from my family members'. For instance, my father enjoys farming and spends weekends tending to the crops, while my mother loves cooking both local and international dishes; my brother prefers studying and focuses on his academic interests.

× Well, I have different hobbies of playing sports like cricket, boxing and ditsu.

✓ Well, I have different hobbies, such as playing sports like cricket, boxing, and jitsu.

The phrase 'hobbies of playing' uses incorrect preposition; use 'hobbies such as' or 'hobbies like' to introduce examples. Also added commas and corrected 'ditsu' to 'jitsu' for spelling. Suggestion: use 'hobbies such as' to list examples and check spelling.

× I has been competed at boxing at state level and won gold.

✓ I have competed in boxing at the state level and won a gold medal.

'I has been competed' is incorrect: 'has' does not agree with subject 'I' and passive form 'been competed' is wrong. Use present perfect active 'have competed' and correct preposition 'in'. Add 'a' for 'a gold medal'. Suggestion: use 'I have competed in...' for experiences.

× I did my late net practices with my coach whose name is Ravinder Singh.

✓ I did my late net practices with my coach, whose name is Ravinder Singh.

Sentence structure is acceptable but needs a comma before the relative clause. No tense change required. Suggestion: punctuate relative clauses with commas when nonrestrictive.

× He is my mentor and used to teach me daily about the basic knowledge of boxing and jitsu on daily basis as it is a important source to mend.

✓ He is my mentor and used to teach me daily about the basics of boxing and jitsu, as it was an important way for me to improve.

Errors: 'the basic knowledge' should be 'the basics' or 'basic knowledge' and 'on daily basis' is redundant with 'daily'; 'a important' should be 'an important'; 'to mend' is incorrect verb choice. Also tense consistency: 'used to teach' fits past habit; 'was' aligns. Suggestion: avoid redundancy, choose correct article 'an', and use appropriate verbs like 'improve'.

× Well, I vividly remember as a child I usually play with my friends in my playground such basic sports like cricket and volleyball as it is quite amazing sport and was fascinated toward youth of India.

✓ Well, I vividly remember that as a child I usually played with my friends in the playground, playing basic sports like cricket and volleyball; they were quite enjoyable, and I was fascinated by the youth of India.

Tense inconsistency: 'remember' (present) with past habit should use past 'played'. 'Such basic sports like' is redundant; use 'playing basic sports like'. 'It is quite amazing sport' should be plural/past and 'was fascinated toward' uses wrong preposition; use 'was fascinated by'. Suggestion: keep memories in past tense and fix prepositions.

× As India is a diverse country, many of the sports are played among the youth and uh one of my favorite hobbies to play cricket in my childhood.

✓ As India is a diverse country, many sports are played among the youth, and one of my favorite hobbies in childhood was playing cricket.

Sentence fragment and pronoun/structure issue: 'one of my favorite hobbies to play cricket in my childhood' is ungrammatical. Rephrase to 'one of my favorite hobbies in childhood was playing cricket.' Suggestion: use clear subject-verb structure for hobbies.

× Yes, I was quite amazing in running as I am doing it since my childhood.

✓ Yes, I was quite good at running; I have been doing it since my childhood.

Mixing past 'was' with present perfect 'am doing it since' is incorrect. Use present perfect 'have been doing' to indicate an action from past to present. Also 'amazing in' is awkward; use 'good at'. Suggestion: use 'have been doing' with 'since'.

× I found it as a stressbuster to me and I usually do it in my leisure time.

✓ I found it to be a stressbuster and I usually do it in my leisure time.

Redundant 'to me' after 'stressbuster' and awkward 'found it as'; use 'found it to be'. Suggestion: simplify the verb phrase to 'found it to be' and avoid redundant pronouns.

× But it is important to maintain our physical health and help us to stay mentally stable because it helps us to reduce pressure which was created by uh, such of our basic.

✓ But it is important to maintain our physical health and mental stability because it helps reduce the pressure created by our basic daily stresses.

Problems: awkward coordination 'maintain... and help us' — subject mismatch; 'which was created by uh, such of our basic' is unclear and ungrammatical. Rephrase to 'helps reduce the pressure created by our daily stresses.' Suggestion: make subject and verbs parallel and clarify the source of pressure.

× Well all my family members have different hobbies like my father loves to do farming and he is quite good in that and my mother loves to cooks some basic and some international food items as she is good cook and I love to eat food of her hand.

✓ Well, all my family members have different hobbies. My father loves farming and is quite good at it. My mother loves to cook both basic and international dishes, as she is a good cook, and I love to eat food made by her.

Multiple errors: missing commas and sentence boundaries; 'loves to does farming' corrected to 'loves farming'; 'good in' should be 'good at'; 'loves to cooks' wrong verb form; missing articles 'a good cook'; 'food of her hand' is wrong expression: use 'food made by her'. Suggestion: split into shorter sentences, correct verb forms and prepositions, and include articles where needed.

× And my brother he was quite amazing in studies.

✓ And my brother was quite good at his studies.

Use 'good at' rather than 'amazing in'. Also remove redundant subject 'he'. Tense 'was' is fine if referring to past; 'studies' clarified with possessive 'his studies'. Suggestion: avoid unnecessary pronouns and use natural collocations like 'good at'.