爱好— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and fluent: state the hobbies clearly, give one specific reason for each, avoid fillers and repetition, and use correct phrasing (e.g., “prepared by me” → “prepared by myself” or “I prepare myself”). Keep to 2–3 sentences. Use linking words like “and” or “because” to connect ideas.

示例: I enjoy cooking and reading. Reading helps me relax after a busy day because it reduces my stress, and cooking is useful for my future since I can learn new recipes and prepare meals myself.

建议: Improve grammar and clarity: answer directly with a topic sentence, then give specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and correct past-tense and passive/active verb forms (e.g., “my parents taught me”). Use linking words like “so” or “then” to show sequence.

示例: Yes. As a child I learned traditional dance from my parents, who taught me many steps. As a result, I used to perform at family functions and community events.

建议: Be natural and structured: start with a clear topic sentence, then give specific details showing continuity and benefit. Use correct tense and smoother phrasing (e.g., “I still enjoy dancing” not “it also in me nowadays”). Avoid vague phrases like “used in”.

示例: Yes. I have continued dancing since childhood and still enjoy it today. It has given me confidence to perform at many occasions, and I find it a useful and enjoyable skill.

建议: Clarify relationships and use correct grammar: state who shares the hobby, explain influence briefly, and give specific examples of the kinds of books you read. Replace incorrect forms (“had a reading books hobby”) with natural phrases (“my father enjoys reading”). Avoid fillers.

示例: Yes. My father enjoys reading, and he encouraged me to read as well. I like reading both fiction and non-fiction—especially novels and popular science—which I find very relaxing.

× Yes, I really enjoy cooking, uh, and reading books because, uh, reading books can all the time reduce my, all the stress.

✓ Yes, I really enjoy cooking and reading books because reading books always reduce my stress.

The original uses 'can all the time reduce' which is an awkward combination. The sentence should use simple present 'always reduce' to express a habitual fact. Remove redundant filler words and extra commas for clarity. Suggestion: use 'always reduce' or 'always help reduce' to sound natural.

× Whereas cooking is beneficial for my future, uh, because I can try new recipes and uh, and uh, uh, prepared by me, prepared by myself.

✓ Cooking is beneficial for my future because I can try new recipes and prepare them myself.

The sentence contains redundant conjunctions and a passive phrase 'prepared by me' that conflicts with the active structure. Use the active infinitive 'prepare' to match 'I can'. Remove 'whereas' if there is no contrast in the same sentence. Simplify fillers to make the meaning clear.

× Yes, I vividly remember when I was child, I, I could dance, uh, which is, uh, which is, uh, I learned by my parents.

✓ Yes, I vividly remember when I was a child; I could dance, which I learned from my parents.

Missing article 'a' before 'child' is an article error. Use 'learned from my parents' instead of 'learned by my parents' (incorrect passive agent). Also remove repeated fillers and use a semicolon or conjunction to join clauses correctly.

× They learned me, they learned me some steps and traditional dance.

✓ They taught me some steps and traditional dances.

English uses 'teach someone' not 'learn someone'; using 'learned me' is incorrect. Also pluralize 'traditional dance' to 'traditional dances' or 'a traditional dance' depending on meaning. Use past tense 'taught' for past action.

× Uh, after that I was, uh, dancing to my all the functions occasion.

✓ After that I danced at all my family functions.

The original has incorrect word order and collocations ('dancing to my all the functions occasion'). Use 'danced at' and 'all my family functions' to express participating in events. Past simple 'danced' fits the past time frame.

× Yes, I have a dancing ability, uh, when I was child, it also in me nowadays, uh, I think it is a very beneficial for me, so I can dance to every occasion very confidently.

✓ Yes, I have dancing skills that I learned as a child and still have today; I think they are very beneficial because I can dance confidently at every occasion.

Use 'as a child' instead of 'when I was child' (missing article and incorrect phrasing). 'Dancing ability' is awkward; 'dancing skills' or 'ability to dance' is better. Maintain subject-verb agreement ('they are' for plural 'skills'). Use 'at every occasion' not 'to every occasion'. Clarify tense: learned in the past and continue to have the skill now.

× It is my childhood hobby which uh, I used in.

✓ It is my childhood hobby which I still use.

The phrase 'used in' is incorrect. Use 'still use' to indicate a hobby continued into the present, or 'still have'/'still enjoy' depending on intent. Remove filler words.

× Yes, my father had a reading books hobby, which, uh, which is include in me.

✓ Yes, my father had a hobby of reading books, which he passed on to me.

'Include in me' is ungrammatical. Use 'passed on to me' to indicate inheritance of a hobby. Also 'reading books hobby' should be 'a hobby of reading books'. Use past tense 'had' for father's past possession.

× Uh, so I think this hobby gave by my father.

✓ So I think this hobby was given to me by my father.

The original lacks proper passive formation. Use 'was given to me by my father' or active 'my father gave me this hobby'. Ensure correct tense and word order for passive voice.

× So I loves to reading books, uh, like occasion books, informal books.

✓ So I love reading books, such as novels and informal books.

'Loves' does not agree with subject 'I' (should be 'love'). 'To reading' is incorrect; use the gerund 'reading' without 'to' after 'love'. 'Occasion books' is unclear; 'novels' or 'occasional reading' could be intended. Clarify vocabulary and remove fillers.

× I really, uh, which which relaxed me.

✓ I really enjoy them because they relax me.

Sentence fragments and wrong pronoun 'which' used incorrectly. Use full clause 'I really enjoy them because they relax me.' Ensure verb 'relax' matches plural 'books' and use simple present to describe general truth.