家乡— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be concise and grammatically correct: start with a clear topic sentence naming the place, then add one or two supporting details. Fix grammar (e.g. "I have lived there since I was born", "my parents and brother still live there"). Use linking words to connect ideas like "but" and "however" appropriately. Avoid redundancy ("I lived in there" twice).

示例: I’m from [name of prefecture], a rural prefecture in northern Japan. I lived there until I moved to Tokyo after university, but my parents and my brother still live there, so I visit them often.

建议: Provide a clear topic sentence stating what you like, then give specific supporting details. Use correct nouns and avoid hesitations. If referring to a place or feature, name it correctly and describe it (e.g. "it has many trees and forests"). Use linking words like "because" or "for example" to explain why you like it.

示例: I particularly like the natural environment in my hometown because it has many trees and large forests. For example, there’s a park called Angel Hill where people go for walks and picnics, which makes it peaceful and family-friendly.

建议: Answer directly with correct tense: use present perfect for duration if you still live there sometimes or past simple if you no longer live there. Keep the reply concise and clear, then add a brief reason or current situation. Avoid repetition and fix word order ("I moved to Tokyo to work").

示例: I lived there for about 22 years. After I graduated from university I moved to Tokyo to work, but I still go back home sometimes to visit my family.

建议: Provide a clear opinion and then two specific reasons linked logically. Avoid incomplete sentences and unclear phrases like "If the hearts are the forests". Use linking words such as "because", "for example" and "also". Mention concrete aspects: nature, schools, job opportunities, leisure activities, etc.

示例: Yes, I think it is good for young people because it has a clean natural environment and a strong education system. For example, there are good schools and plenty of outdoor activities like hiking, and community programs that support young families.

× My hometown is a prefecture. I lived in there since I was born, but I live in Tokyo with my husband. However, my parents and my brother live.

✓ My hometown is a prefecture. I have lived there since I was born, but now I live in Tokyo with my husband. However, my parents and my brother still live there.

Original sentences have multiple issues. 'I lived in there since I was born' uses past tense with 'since' which requires present perfect; also 'in there' is incorrect preposition use. Correction: use present perfect 'have lived' for an action continuing to present, or 'was born and lived' if past; here speaker still has connection so 'have lived' is appropriate. 'in there' -> 'there' (no 'in'). 'However, my parents and my brother live.' is incomplete; add 'still live there' to specify location. Suggestions: use present perfect with since for actions from past to present, do not use 'in there', and include the location if omitting verb is ambiguous.

× I like about my hometown. Uh, like Angel 8 has around trees and forests?

✓ I like my hometown. For example, Angel 8 is surrounded by trees and forests.

'I like about my hometown' is ungrammatical; correct phrase is 'I like my hometown' or 'I like aspects of my hometown'. 'like Angel 8 has around trees and forests?' is awkward and has incorrect word order and preposition. Use 'is surrounded by' to describe being encircled by trees. Suggestions: remove unnecessary 'about', use clear examples introduced by 'for example', and use proper passive/structure for location descriptions.

× I lived in there about 22 years because I graduated from the university I moved to to Tokyo for working, working, but I sometimes go back.

✓ I lived there for about 22 years; after I graduated from university, I moved to Tokyo for work, but I sometimes go back.

Problems: 'lived in there' should be 'lived there' (preposition error), 'about 22 years' needs 'for' with duration, and run-on sentence with incorrect tense and word order. 'moved to to Tokyo for working, working' has duplicated 'to' and incorrect noun form 'working'—use 'for work'. Also sequence of past events is correct with past simple. Suggestions: use 'lived there for X years', use 'after I graduated' to show sequence, and use 'for work' not 'for working'.

× Yes, I think my hometown is in a good place for young people because. If the hearts are the forests and the nature and education system is good.

✓ Yes, I think my hometown is a good place for young people because the city has forests, good natural surroundings, and a strong education system.

Original contains sentence fragment 'because.' and incorrect noun 'hearts' likely meant 'hearts' is wrong—probably 'has' or 'there are'. Also 'the nature' is awkward; use 'natural surroundings' or 'nature'. 'education system is good' needs article or adjective. Correction combines into one coherent sentence: 'the city has forests, good natural surroundings, and a strong education system.' Suggestions: avoid sentence fragments, use correct verbs ('has' not 'hearts'), choose natural collocations like 'natural surroundings' and 'a strong education system' and ensure subject agrees with plural nouns.