工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “I work as a petroleum engineer.”), avoid filler sounds (umm, uh), correct grammar (serve as -> work as; my role is to -> my responsibilities include), and give one or two specific tasks with linking words. Keep to under 4–5 sentences.

示例: I work as a petroleum engineer for a Chinese multinational company. My role is to document and report drilling data and to monitor drilling operations. In addition, I coordinate with field teams to ensure safety and efficiency.

建议: Answer directly with the company type and add one or two specific, accurate details. Use linking words for coherence and correct phrasing (e.g., subsidiaries, operates in the oil and gas sector). Avoid vague phrases like “very renewable” and unfinished sentences.

示例: I work for a well-known multinational company that operates in the oil and gas sector. It has five subsidiaries in different countries and is planning further international expansion. My team focuses on drilling projects for oil and gas wells.

建议: Begin with a clear opinion and support it with specific reasons. Remove fillers and awkward phrasing (“from my educational background” is unnecessary). Provide concrete examples of benefits (training, promotion, competitive salary) and use linking words like “because” or “for example.”

示例: Yes, I think it is a good place to work because it offers strong career development. For example, the company provides regular training, performance-based salary increases, and clear promotion paths, which helped me gain practical experience early in my career.

建议: Give a direct answer and give two clear reasons with precise language. Avoid repetition and filler words. Fix unclear phrases like “situated in a military place” — specify if you mean near a military base or in a secure industrial area. Keep sentences concise and coherent with linking words (e.g., “because” or “and”).

示例: Yes, I like working there because the site is located near a military base, so it feels very secure. In addition, the office environment is calm and supportive, which helps me concentrate on my work.

建议: State your plan clearly and in logical order. Use correct verb forms (e.g., “I plan to pursue a PhD” and “I would like to work as an assistant professor”), avoid fillers, and provide a brief reason or timeline to make the answer more specific. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

示例: I plan to pursue a PhD in petroleum engineering to deepen my research skills. After completing my doctorate, I would like to work as an assistant professor at a university so I can teach and conduct research in my field.

× Yes, I do work.

✓ Yes, I do.

Using 'I do work' is not incorrect but sounds unnatural in response to 'Do you work or are you a student?' A short affirmative 'Yes, I do' is more natural. Use the auxiliary alone for short answers.

× I am a petroleum engineer and I'm currently serving as petroleum engineering to a Chinese multinational company

✓ I am a petroleum engineer and I'm currently working as a petroleum engineer for a Chinese multinational company

The phrase 'serving as petroleum engineering' mixes a role with a field; 'working as a petroleum engineer' is the correct collocation. Use the preposition 'for' to indicate the employer. Also repeat of the noun is needed: 'as a petroleum engineer'.

× Here in my uh, rules is to uh, documentation and reporting about drilling weights and also working.

✓ Here my role is documentation and reporting about drilling activities and related weights, and other related tasks.

Original sentence has word order and verb/noun confusion: 'rules' should be 'role' and 'is to documentation' is ungrammatical. Use 'my role is' followed by noun phrases or 'is to + verb'. Clarify 'drilling weights' as 'drilling activities and related weights' or specific term.

× I work at a very renewable multinational company which is very well known.

✓ I work at a large renewable multinational company that is very well known.

'Very renewable' is incorrect collocation; likely 'large' or 'well-established' fits. Replace 'which' with 'that' for restrictive clause; article 'a' remains. ''Very well known'' is acceptable but 'large renewable multinational company' is clearer.

× This company has five subsidiary company in five different countries and also planning to expand in other countries too.

✓ This company has five subsidiary companies in different countries and is also planning to expand into other countries.

Use plural 'companies' to agree with 'five'. Include verb 'is' before 'planning' to complete clause. Use 'into' or 'to' for expansion destination. Remove redundancy 'in five different countries' after 'five' or keep but ensure consistency.

× It's about well in gas sector where we try to drill oil and gas and.

✓ It operates in the oil and gas sector where we try to drill for oil and gas.

'It's about well in gas sector' is ungrammatical. Use 'operates in the oil and gas sector' and 'drill for oil and gas'. Remove trailing 'and'.

× From my educational background, I would say it's a very good position to start a career with here.

✓ From my educational background, I would say it's a very good place to start a career.

'Position to start a career with here' is awkward. 'Place' suits the question about workplace. Keep tense consistent: present modal 'would say' is acceptable; simplify for clarity.

× I have got almost every opportunity that a professional, UH employer would really demand.

✓ I have received almost every opportunity that an employer would expect from a professional.

'Have got' is informal; 'received' is clearer. 'Would really demand' is awkward—use 'would expect'. Remove filler 'UH' and adjust article 'an employer'.

× For example, this company has, umm, additional, uh, salary and increment.

✓ For example, this company provides additional salary benefits and increments.

'Additional salary and increment' is awkward. Use 'salary benefits' or 'bonuses' and 'increments' (or 'salary increases'). 'Provides' clarifies the verb.

× Yes I do. This place is really beautiful.

✓ Yes, I do. The place is really pleasant to work in.

'This place is really beautiful' is not wrong but 'pleasant to work in' better addresses 'Would you like the place where you work?' Make explicit workplace context.

× It is uh situated in a military place, which is very a umm umm safe safe,

✓ It is situated in a military area, which is very safe,

Use 'area' instead of 'place' and 'very safe' (remove extra 'a'). 'Situated in' is fine. Remove repeated fillers.

× my uh, in working environment is also also tranquil and.

✓ my working environment is also tranquil.

Remove extraneous words and repetitions. 'In' is unnecessary; finish the sentence without trailing 'and'.

× Currently, uh from from my future, I am planning to achieve a higher study and doing PhD.

✓ Currently, I am planning to pursue higher studies and do a PhD.

'From from my future' is ungrammatical and redundant. Use 'pursue higher studies' and 'do a PhD' or 'pursue a PhD' to express intent. Maintain present continuous 'am planning' with infinitive 'to pursue'.

× After that, I would really like to join as an assistant professor in any university.

✓ After that, I would like to join a university as an assistant professor.

Word order: 'join as an assistant professor in any university' is awkward. Use 'join a university as an assistant professor'. Avoid 'any' if you mean 'any university' broadly; 'a university' is natural.

× That is my ultimate UH career goal.

✓ That is my ultimate career goal.

Remove filler 'UH'. 'Ultimate career goal' is correct; no extra words needed.