工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence stating your job, then give one or two specific, relevant details. Avoid redundant phrases and grammatical errors (e.g., "almost more than 10 years" -> "for over ten years"). Use clearer vocabulary (e.g., "evidence-based diet plans" instead of "science bagged diet plan"). Limit to 2–4 sentences.

示例: I work as a professional dietitian and have been practicing for over ten years. I run a clinic where I design evidence-based diet plans to help patients manage metabolic disorders, which I find both rewarding and motivating.

建议: Open with a direct topic sentence about where you work, then give one specific reason why it suits you. Avoid long run-on sentences; use linking words (e.g., "because", "so") correctly and reduce unnecessary personal details unless relevant. Keep answers within 3–4 sentences.

示例: I work at my own private clinic, which is located right next to my home. This close location makes it much easier for me to balance work and family life, especially since I am a mother of three.

建议: Give a clear opinion followed by two specific, well-expressed reasons. Avoid vague intensifiers like "incredibly amazing" and complete your sentences. Use precise vocabulary (e.g., "well-equipped reception", "separate washrooms"). Keep to 2–3 sentences and remove filler words.

示例: Yes, it's a very good place to work because the clinic is well-equipped, with a spacious reception area and a comfortable office. There are also separate washrooms for patients and staff, which helps maintain hygiene and privacy.

建议: Start with a direct answer and give two concrete reasons using linking words. Remove fillers ("umm", "uh") and correct grammar ("provides me the opportunity to balance"; "has pleasant" -> "is pleasant"). Be specific about why greenery matters (e.g., calming environment). Keep to 3 sentences max.

示例: Yes, I love working here because I designed the clinic myself, so it reflects how I want services delivered. It's also very close to my home, which helps me balance work and family life, and about 40% of the grounds are landscaped, creating a calm, pleasant environment for patients.

建议: Give a clear, structured plan: state the short-term goal, give a time frame, then mention the longer-term personal goal. Use precise verbs ("finish projects" rather than "complete initiatives" if simpler) and avoid vague phrases like "juggling with lots of activities." Keep to 3 sentences and use linking words (e.g., "first", "after that").

示例: In the short term, I want to finish the projects I began over the past two years, which I expect will take another four to five years. After that, I plan to return to competitive rifle shooting, a hobby from university that helps me stay active and focused.

× It has been almost more than 10 years since I am in this field.

✓ It has been almost more than 10 years since I have been in this field.

Mixes present perfect continuous reference with present simple 'I am'. After 'since' with a point in time or starting point, use present perfect (have been) to show an action/state continuing up to now. Use 'have been' not 'am'. Also 'almost more than' is redundant; choose 'almost' or 'more than' (consider 'almost 10 years' or 'more than 10 years').

× I prepare science bagged diet plan to cure my patients metabolic disorders with the miracle of food science.

✓ I prepare science-based diet plans to treat my patients' metabolic disorders using the principles of food science.

Multiple article and noun form issues: use plural 'plans' if general, and possessive 'patients'' to show disorders belonging to patients. 'science bagged' is incorrect; use 'science-based'. Use 'treat' rather than 'cure' for disorders in many contexts. Also add articles or prepositions: 'using the principles of food science' is clearer.

× I'm self-employed and work at my own clinic, which is just next to my house, so it is always convenient to go there and manage my both professional and personal life because being a mother of three, I have to take care of my kids all by myself.

✓ I'm self-employed and work at my own clinic, which is just next to my house, so it is always convenient to go there and manage both my professional and personal life because, as a mother of three, I have to take care of my kids by myself.

Word order and phrase choice: 'my both professional and personal life' should be 'both my professional and personal life'. 'Being a mother of three' is better as 'as a mother of three'. Use 'by myself' rather than 'all by myself' is acceptable but 'by myself' is cleaner.

× So it is a great facility for me to continue my work.

✓ So it is a great convenience for me to continue my work.

'Facility' is incorrect in this context; 'convenience' or 'arrangement' fits better. The sentence structure is fine after replacing the noun.

× Definitely it is an incredibly amazing place because it has each and every kind of facilities like huge reception area and amazing office as well as dedicated washrooms for patients and staff and.

✓ Definitely, it is an amazing place because it has every kind of facility, such as a large reception area, a comfortable office, and dedicated washrooms for patients and staff.

Redundant intensifiers 'incredibly amazing' should be simplified. 'Each and every kind of facilities' is ungrammatical; use 'every kind of facility' or 'a variety of facilities'. Use articles with countable nouns ('a large reception area'). Remove trailing 'and'.

× Definitely yes, and I would love to work here only because I designed it by myself.

✓ Definitely, yes, and I would love to work here because I designed it myself.

'only because' is unnecessary if 'because' suffices; 'by myself' can be 'myself'. Minor style change: add comma after 'definitely'.

× Moreover, it is very close to my house, so it umm, provide me an opportunity to balance my both professional and personal life.

✓ Moreover, it is very close to my house, so it provides me an opportunity to balance both my professional and personal life.

'provide' must agree with singular subject 'it' so use 'provides'. Reorder 'both my professional and personal life' as before.

× And uh, almost 40% of land is dedicated to greenery, so it has pleasant.

✓ And almost 40% of the land is dedicated to greenery, so it is pleasant.

Add definite article 'the land'. 'so it has pleasant' is ungrammatical; use 'so it is pleasant' or 'so the environment is pleasant'.

× I'm juggling with lots of activities.

✓ I'm juggling lots of activities.

The verb 'juggle' does not require the preposition 'with' in this context; say 'juggling lots of activities'.

× First and foremost, I want to complete all the initiatives I have started in last two years and maybe it will take four to five years to complete.

✓ First and foremost, I want to complete all the initiatives I started in the last two years, and maybe it will take four to five years to finish them.

Use simple past 'I started' or present perfect 'I have started' with 'in the last two years'—both possible, but 'I started in the last two years' is clear. Add 'the' before 'last two years'. Clarify object 'them' for 'finish'.

× And after that I want to return to my game, which is rifle shooting that I used to participate during my graduation and it helps me to be more active.

✓ After that, I want to return to my sport, rifle shooting, which I used to compete in during my university years, and it helps me stay more active.

'Game' is better as 'sport'. 'Used to participate during my graduation' is awkward — use 'used to compete in during my university years' or 'during my studies'. Use 'stay more active' rather than 'to be more active'.