工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be concise and correct grammar, start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid sentence fragments and filler words. Also correct tense and word choices (e.g., 'I have been working', 'pre-stressed' -> 'very stressed', 'work–life balance').

示例: I have been working as a building electrical design engineer for eight years, but I am currently looking for a new job. Because I often work long hours, I feel very stressed, so I want a role with a better work–life balance to spend more time with my family and pursue hobbies like exercise and photography.

建议: Lead with a clear topic sentence (location), then give two specific reasons connected with linking words. Fix unclear phrases ('local contrasts' unclear) and maintain coherence. Use correct institution name or say 'a university' if unsure.

示例: I work in Beijing. I completed my master's degree at Beihang University and have lived here for three years, so I decided to stay because I am familiar with the city and its neighbourhoods. In addition, I enjoy the many art galleries, museums and cultural events that Beijing offers.

建议: Begin with a direct answer, then give linked specific reasons. Avoid trailing sentence fragments and ensure grammatical completeness. Use linking words like 'because' and 'furthermore' and correct small errors ('different stages', 'pursue ambitious goals').

示例: Yes, it's a very good place to work because many international firms and government agencies are based there, which creates numerous job opportunities at different stages of a career. Furthermore, the city hosts networking events and professional development programs that help people pursue ambitious goals.

建议: Start with a clear topic sentence, then explain reasons with specific examples and linking words. Eliminate hesitations ('uh') and fix grammar ('I am considering', 'switch careers', 'work–life balance'). Replace vague words ('habits') with 'hobbies' or 'activities'.

示例: No, I don't enjoy my workplace. I am often under constant pressure and frequently work overtime, so I don't have time for hobbies such as hiking or badminton. Therefore, I am considering changing jobs and switching careers to find a better work–life balance.

建议: Provide a concise topic sentence of your plan, then list specific, logical steps using linking words. Correct grammar ('improving', 'find a job', 'work–life balance', avoid repetition). Mention concrete actions and timelines if possible.

示例: My plan is to join a different company where I can improve my English and communication skills. I also want to move into an industry I enjoy and find a job with a better work–life balance so that I have time to learn new skills such as digital marketing and to travel.

× I have worked as an UH building electrical design engineer for eight years, but I recently decided to look for a new job because I often have had to work long hours and felt very pre stressed.

✓ I worked as a building electrical design engineer at UH for eight years, but I recently decided to look for a new job because I often had to work long hours and felt very pre-stressed.

The sentence mixes present perfect 'have worked' with a clear finished action 'decided' and with past experiences; use simple past 'worked' to match the completed period. 'Often have had to' is awkward here; use 'often had to' for past repeated obligation. Place 'UH' after the role and hyphenate 'pre-stressed' or use 'very stressed' for clarity.

× I want a position with a better work life balance so I can spend more time with my family and pursue personal interests. Like exercising and learn photography.

✓ I want a position with a better work-life balance so I can spend more time with my family and pursue personal interests, like exercising and learning photography.

The fragment 'Like exercising and learn photography.' is not a complete sentence; combine it with the previous sentence and use parallel gerunds 'exercising and learning' for correct structure and parallelism. 'work-life' should be hyphenated as a compound modifier.

× I work in Beijing. I completed my master's degree at Beijing University of Civil and Region and Architecture and have lived here for three years, and I decided to stay because I'm familiar with the city and have local contrasts, and I enjoy the many art galleries, museums and cultural shows.

✓ I work in Beijing. I completed my master's degree at Beijing University of Civil, Regional and Architectural Engineering and have lived here for three years. I decided to stay because I'm familiar with the city, have local contacts, and enjoy the many art galleries, museums, and cultural shows.

The institution name was unclear; revise to a plausible name and correct 'Region and Architecture' to 'Regional and Architectural Engineering' or the correct department name. 'local contrasts' is incorrect; likely 'local contacts'. Separate into two sentences for clarity. Add commas in lists and after clauses.

× Absolutely, it's a great place to work because many international firms and government agencies are based there, so there are plenty of job opportunities for people at different stage of their careers.

✓ Absolutely, it's a great place to work because many international firms and government agencies are based there, so there are plenty of job opportunities for people at different stages of their careers.

'Different stage' should be plural 'different stages' to match 'people' and indicate multiple career stages. Ensure plural agreement for quantifiers.

× The city also provides a strong platform for building a career through networking events and professional development programs which help people pursue. Ambitious goals?

✓ The city also provides a strong platform for building a career through networking events and professional development programs, which help people pursue ambitious goals.

The original splits the sentence incorrectly and inserts an unnecessary period, causing 'Ambitious goals?' to be a fragment. Combine clauses and remove the fragment, keeping 'which help people pursue ambitious goals' as a relative clause modifying 'programs'.

× Personally, I don't like the place where I work. I'm often under constant pressure and frequently have to work overtime, so I don't really have time to pursue habits like hiking or playing badminton.

✓ Personally, I don't like the place where I work. I'm often under constant pressure and frequently have to work overtime, so I don't really have time to pursue hobbies like hiking or playing badminton.

'Pursue habits' is incorrect collocation; 'hobbies' is the appropriate noun for leisure activities. Pronoun use is fine otherwise.

× For that reason, I considering changing jobs and uh, probably switch increase to find a better work life balance.

✓ For that reason, I'm considering changing jobs and will probably switch to find a better work-life balance.

Missing auxiliary 'am' before 'considering' is required for the present continuous. 'probably switch increase' is ungrammatical; replace with 'will probably switch' or 'probably change jobs'. Hyphenate 'work-life'.

× I plan to move into a company so I'm proving my English and communication skills.

✓ I plan to move into a company where I can improve my English and communication skills.

'Proving' is incorrect; the intended verb is 'improving'. Also add 'where I can' to clarify purpose and correct the preposition: 'move into a company' is awkward; 'move to a company' or 'join a company' works, but 'move into a company where I can improve...' is acceptable when clarified.

× I also want to switch to an industry I enjoy and I find a job with a better work life balance so I will have time to pursue habits, learn new skills like digital, uh, digital marketing and travel.

✓ I also want to switch to an industry I enjoy and find a job with a better work-life balance so I will have time to pursue hobbies, learn new skills like digital marketing, and travel.

Remove redundant 'I' before 'find', use 'work-life' hyphenation, replace 'pursue habits' with 'pursue hobbies', and remove duplicated 'digital'. Use commas to separate items in a list and ensure parallel structure 'pursue hobbies, learn..., and travel'.