工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and clear. Start with a direct topic sentence (e.g., “I work.”), then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases like “close brand” and “keep my work to be not so.” Use linking words to connect ideas.

示例: I work as a nail designer and I also run a small clothing brand. Because I manage both businesses, I try to keep a good work–life balance by setting fixed work hours and delegating tasks to assistants.

建议: Give a clear, structured answer: state the main workplace first, then add one specific detail about other places you work. Avoid hesitations and unclear phrases.

示例: I mainly work in my own nail studio, where I see clients and do most of my services. I also manage an online shop for my clothing brand from home, so I split my time between the studio and my home office.

建议: Answer directly and give a specific reason. Use linking words (because, however, so) to make your explanation coherent. Avoid repeating phrases like “I think” multiple times.

示例: It’s not perfect, but it’s suitable for me at the moment because the rent is affordable and I can manage expenses. However, I hope to improve the space in the future when my business grows.

建议: Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes or No), then give one or two specific reasons. Avoid vague filler words and contradictory phrases. Use connectors like because and although.

示例: Yes, I like it because I designed the studio myself and it feels comfortable and welcoming. Although it isn’t perfect yet, I am gradually improving the decor and layout to make it more professional.

建议: Give a clear statement about your immediate plan and one concrete future possibility. Use linking words and remove hesitations. Be specific about the timeframe or the kinds of projects you might pursue.

示例: In the short term, I plan to focus on growing my nail studio and improving my services. In the longer term, I’d like to expand my clothing brand online or open a second studio, depending on how the business develops.

× I work now and I am a nail designer and a close brand owner now so I need to keep my work life balance by myself and I use a lot of energy to keep my work to be not so.

✓ I currently work as a nail designer and own a clothes brand, so I have to manage my work-life balance by myself and I use a lot of energy to keep my work going.

The original mixes tenses and has awkward phrasing. 'Work now' and 'now' are redundant with 'currently'. 'Close brand' is likely 'clothes brand'. 'Work life balance' needs hyphen 'work-life balance'. 'Keep my work to be not so' is ungrammatical; replace with 'keep my work going'. Use present simple for current facts and gerund phrases for responsibilities.

× Actually I have my own nail studio, so I spend a lot of time there and my close friend I have my yeah, yeah, like studio, but I sell it online. So yeah, maybe home and my studio.

✓ Actually I have my own nail studio, so I spend a lot of time there. I also have a clothes line that I sell online, so I work both at home and at my studio.

The original is fragmented and contains fillers ('yeah, yeah') and unclear references. Split into two sentences for clarity. 'Close friend I have my' is incorrect; likely 'clothes line' or 'clothes brand'. Use parallel structure 'work both at home and at my studio'.

× I think it's not the best place to work, but I think it's good enough for me now because I need to think of a lot of like rent, rental fee, like a lot of things I need to pay. So I think now.

✓ I don't think it's the best place to work, but it is good enough for me now because I have to consider many expenses like rent and other fees.

Redundant 'I think' and filler 'like' should be removed. Use present simple 'I don't think' and 'it is' for opinions and current states. 'Need to think of' is awkward; use 'have to consider' and 'a lot of things I need to pay' becomes 'other fees' for conciseness.

× Yes, I really like it because I make it by my own. So umm, I think it's not the best, but I try to make it better. Yeah, nothing good, nothing bad, but I think it's yeah. I really feel make me feel so comfortable.

✓ Yes, I really like it because I made it myself. I know it's not perfect, but I try to improve it. It's neither good nor bad, but it makes me feel very comfortable.

'By my own' is incorrect; use reflexive pronoun 'myself' (Grammar problem type 15), and past tense 'made' fits the creation. 'Make it better' should be 'try to improve it.' 'Nothing good, nothing bad' is better as 'neither good nor bad'. 'I really feel make me feel so comfortable' is ungrammatical; correct to 'it makes me feel very comfortable.'

× Yeah, like me, I really like to try a lot of things. So I think I will focus on this this work for a while and I will try another things I interested in. So umm, I think I can't tell you right now, but.

✓ I like trying many things. I will focus on this work for a while and then try other things that interest me, so I can't say exactly right now.

Remove filler 'like me' and duplicate 'this this'. Use future simple 'I will focus' and 'try other things' (plural) and correct 'I interested in' to 'that interest me' (relative clause). End the sentence properly: 'I can't say exactly right now.' Use consistent tense and correct plurality.