工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and confident. Start with a clear topic sentence, remove filler words (uh, umm), correct grammar (e.g., “I majored in” is wrong here — say “I work as a software developer” or “I develop SDKs”), and give one brief specific detail about your role. Keep it to 1–2 sentences.

示例: I work as a software programmer. I develop software development kits (SDKs) that help applications connect with hardware devices.

建议: Be clearer and more accurate with vocabulary and sentence structure. Give one precise description of the company and its industry, and avoid repetition. Use linking words if adding a second detail.

示例: I work at a high-tech company called Yasun Zilin, which specializes in automotive technology.

建议: Organize your answer: start with a direct opinion, then give one clear supporting reason. Remove fillers and correct phrasing (e.g., “located in the city centre” or “in a business park surrounded by restaurants and shops”). Limit to two sentences.

示例: Yes, it is. The office is in a convenient area surrounded by restaurants and shops, which makes lunch and errands easy.

建议: Make a direct statement about whether you like the workplace, then give two specific reasons. Fix grammar (e.g., “the building is modern and comfortable”) and avoid hesitations. Use a linking word such as “because” to connect reasons.

示例: Yes, I like it because my colleagues are very friendly and the building is modern and comfortable.

建议: Answer directly with a clear plan, use correct collocations (e.g., “change jobs” or “move to a larger company”), and provide a reason or specific goal. Remove filler words and use linking words like “and” or “so that.”

示例: I plan to change jobs to a larger, well-known company such as Google or Apple so I can improve my software engineering skills and work on bigger projects.

× I am currently at work as a software programmer. I'm a major in uh, developing, umm, software development kits for applications to connect.

✓ I am currently working as a software programmer. I specialize in developing software development kits that allow applications to connect.

The student used 'am currently at work' which is grammatically acceptable but unnatural; 'working' is the correct present continuous form for occupation. 'I'm a major in' is incorrect for describing specialization in a job; use 'I specialize in' or 'I major in' only for study. The phrase 'for applications to connect' is awkward; use a relative clause 'that allow applications to connect.' Suggest replacing informal fillers and using natural collocations: 'work as', 'specialize in', and a clear relative clause.

× I work at a high tech company called Yasun Zilin. It is a a famous HITECH company at a vehicle area.

✓ I work at a high-tech company called Yasun Zilin. It is a well-known high-tech company in the automotive sector.

Errors include punctuation and word form: 'high tech' should be hyphenated as 'high-tech' when used as a compound adjective. 'a a' is a repetition. 'HITECH' is inconsistent capitalization; use 'high-tech' or 'high technology.' 'at a vehicle area' is wrong preposition and noun choice; use 'in the automotive sector' or 'in the vehicle industry.' This corrects sentence structure and word choice.

× Yes uh, our company is located uh, at this centre of uh, food and area surrounding by a lot of umm, restaurants and shopping, uh, stores, so that it is very convenient.

✓ Yes, our company is located in a center with lots of food options and is surrounded by many restaurants and shops, so it is very convenient.

Incorrect prepositions and word order: use 'located in' not 'located at this centre of'. 'Area surrounding by' is wrong; use 'surrounded by.' 'shopping stores' is redundant; 'shops' or 'shopping' suffices. Also remove fillers and improve word order for clarity.

× Yes, uh, my colleagues are very friendly and uh, our uh buildings are uh is uh, refresh, uh MMM, it has a very nice.

✓ Yes, my colleagues are very friendly, and our building is refreshed and very nice.

Multiple errors: 'our buildings are is' mixes plural and singular verbs — choose 'our building is' or 'our buildings are.' 'refresh' is the wrong form; use 'refreshed' or 'well maintained' as an adjective. 'it has a very nice' is incomplete; specify what is nice (e.g., 'the interior is very nice'). Suggest simplifying: 'our building is well maintained and very nice.'

× I am considering a change my job uh, to a more famous identical company uh, like Google and Apple, and to uh improve my software skills moreover.

✓ I am considering changing my job to a more well-known company like Google or Apple, and improving my software skills further.

'Considering a change my job' is ungrammatical; after 'considering' use the -ing form: 'considering changing my job.' 'identical company' is wrong word choice; use 'well-known' or 'more renowned.' Use 'or' instead of 'and' when giving examples. 'to improve' after a comma is fine but parallel structure requires '-ing' form: 'and improving.' 'moreover' is formal and placed awkwardly; 'further' or 'more' is better. Improve fluency and parallelism.