工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Make the response more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid hesitation sounds and unfinished phrases. Correct tense and preposition use (e.g., 'I have been working in this field for almost ten years', 'people in my region').

示例: I am a dietitian and I have been working in this field for almost ten years. Because I love nutrition, my job keeps me disciplined and motivated. In addition, it gives me the chance to educate people in my region about healthy eating and practical meal planning.

建议: Be direct and tidy: give a clear topic sentence about where you work, then add two specific details. Fix grammar (patients, 'three small children' or 'three babies' depending), reduce repetition, and use linking words like 'also' or 'so'. Avoid trailing off.

示例: I run my own private clinic next to my house, so I am self-employed. This location is very convenient because I can bring my three young children with me and there is plenty of green space and facilities nearby for them to play.

建议: Answer directly, then provide two concrete reasons using linking words ('because', 'also'). Correct vocabulary (land → grounds; patients). Avoid filler words and incomplete sentences. Keep within 3–4 sentences.

示例: Yes, it is an excellent place to work because the clinic is spacious and surrounded by trees. It offers many facilities for my patients and a safe area for my children. Also, I have a small rest room behind the office and a large reception area for consultations.

建议: Begin with a clear answer, then give one or two specific personal reasons. Correct expressions ('poured my heart and soul', 'a different attachment' → 'a strong attachment', 'planting trees'). Avoid repetition and keep sentences concise.

示例: Yes, I love the place where I work because I poured my heart and soul into building and planting around it. I feel a strong attachment to the clinic and care for it every day, tending the trees and flowers I planted.

建议: Structure the answer: start with a clear topic sentence about your plans, then list two specific plans with linking words ('first', 'then'). Correct grammar ('I am an ambitious person', 'several hats' is fine but explain), and give realistic timing ('by 2030' or 'in a few years') rather than unclear numbers. Avoid vague phrases.

示例: I am an ambitious person and my main plans are to finish the projects I have started and then return to my sport, rifle shooting. First, I want to complete the ongoing projects at my clinic, and once they are finished, I plan to dedicate more time to training and competing again within the next few years.

× I'm a dietitian by profession and it has been almost a decade since I am working at this field.

✓ I'm a dietitian by profession and it has been almost a decade since I have been working in this field.

Use present perfect continuous 'have been working' for an action that started in the past and continues to the present. Also use 'in this field' not 'at this field'. Suggestion: Use 'I have been working in this field for almost a decade.'

× Uh, this field is highly motivating as well as keeping me, uh, in discipline to keep myself fit and healthy.

✓ This field is highly motivating and keeps me disciplined to stay fit and healthy.

Use 'keeps me disciplined' rather than 'keeping me in discipline' for correct verb form and idiomatic phrasing. Also combine clauses with 'and'. Suggestion: Avoid filler words and use concise structures.

× Moreover, I have incredible opportunity to educate all the people in my reason about their health by providing food and.

✓ Moreover, I have an incredible opportunity to educate people in my region about their health by providing dietary guidance.

Use 'an' before the singular count noun 'opportunity'. 'Reason' is incorrect; use 'region'. 'All the people' is verbose; 'people' suffices. Complete the sentence with a clear noun phrase like 'dietary guidance'. Suggestion: Check noun countability and word choice.

× I'm self-employed, I run my own private clinic which is adjacent to my house and it is convenient for both my patient as well As for myself, and I can easily carry my old three babies along with me.

✓ I'm self-employed; I run my own private clinic adjacent to my house, which is convenient for both my patients and for me, and I can easily bring my three young children with me.

Use plural 'patients' for multiple people. 'Old three babies' is incorrect: use 'three young children' or 'three small children'. Combine clauses with appropriate punctuation and use 'bring' instead of 'carry' for children. Suggestion: Ensure noun plurality and correct adjective placement.

× Uh, because it is just next to home.

✓ Because it is just next to my home.

Include the possessive determiner 'my' before 'home'. Suggestion: Use possessive pronouns when referring to personal locations.

× Moreover, it has a lot of green space and all the amenities that we can play and.

✓ Moreover, it has a lot of green space and amenities where we can play and relax.

Sentence ended abruptly; complete the idea with a parallel verb 'relax'. Use 'amenities where' to show purpose. Suggestion: Ensure sentences are complete and verbs parallel.

× Definitely, uh, it is a spacious and large land with lots of green trees you have.

✓ Definitely, it is a spacious plot of land with many green trees.

Use 'plot of land' not 'land' with 'large' redundantly. 'Lots of' can be replaced by 'many'. Remove 'you have' which is unnecessary. Suggestion: Use concise noun phrases and correct collocations.

× Moreover, it has each and every kind of facilities, uh, not only for my patient, but also for my kids.

✓ Moreover, it has all kinds of facilities, not only for my patients but also for my kids.

Use 'all kinds of facilities' instead of 'each and every kind of facilities'. Use plural 'patients'. Remove filler 'uh'. Suggestion: Use correct quantifier-noun agreement and pluralize nouns.

× I also prepared a small room behind my office so that I can take rest over there and it's reception area is quite spacious and.

✓ I also prepared a small room behind my office so that I can rest there, and its reception area is quite spacious.

Use 'rest there' not 'take rest over there'. Use possessive 'its' not 'it's' (it's = it is). Remove trailing 'and'. Suggestion: Watch contractions versus possessives and complete sentences.

× Firstly I have pour my heart and soul into constructing this place as well as planting lots of my favorite trees and flowers and I I have different attachment with this place and I just consider it as my child and I try to nourish it each and every day by planting free and taking care.

✓ Firstly, I have poured my heart and soul into constructing this place and planting many of my favorite trees and flowers. I have a special attachment to this place; I consider it like my child and I try to nourish it every day by planting trees and taking care of it.

Use past participle 'poured' after 'have'. 'Different attachment' is unnatural; use 'special attachment'. 'Planting free' is wrong; use 'planting trees'. Use 'taking care of it' to complete the idea. Suggestion: Use correct verb forms and idiomatic expressions.

× I'm very ambitious person, I am already wearing several hats and I really want to complete all the initiated project 1st and secondly I want to go back to my sports which is rifle shooting.

✓ I'm a very ambitious person. I am already wearing several hats and I really want to complete all the initiated projects first, and secondly I want to return to the sport of rifle shooting.

Include article 'a' before 'very ambitious person'. Use plural 'projects'. Use sequence words 'first' and 'secondly' correctly. Use 'return to the sport of' for natural phrasing. Suggestion: Check articles and plural forms, and order of ideas.

× I used to play during my childhood day and I feel that I will complete all the task by 20-30 and will go back.

✓ I used to practice during my childhood, and I feel that I will complete all the tasks by my late twenties or early thirties and then return to it.

'Used to' correctly indicates past habit; change 'childhood day' to 'childhood'. Use plural 'tasks'. Clarify '20-30' as 'late twenties or early thirties'. Use 'return to it' for clarity. Suggestion: Use clear time expressions and plural nouns.