工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be concise and grammatically correct: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific details (e.g., which year you started and current grade). Avoid filler words like “uh” and correct verb forms (e.g., “I entered”). Keep under five sentences.

示例: I am a student at Nazarbaug Intellectual School in Ximen. I entered the school in 7th grade and I am now in 12th grade.

建议: Answer directly, then give one specific detail about the work. Fix grammar (use present tense consistently) and avoid redundancy. Use linking words for clarity (e.g., “however”, “for example”).

示例: I don't have a full-time job because I'm a student. However, I run a small online business making unique handmade journals for friends and relatives; they pay me for the custom designs.

建议: Start with a clear opinion, then give two specific reasons linked with connectors (so, because, therefore). Correct repetitions and verb forms, and avoid vague phrases like “learn learning something.”

示例: Yes, it is. Because it is an online, part-time job, I can work whenever I have free time. Therefore it fits well around my studies and allows me to create journals without pressure.

建议: Give a direct answer and then two concise, specific reasons using linking words (e.g., “because”, “so”). Avoid repetition (don’t repeat “I like it”). Use correct collocations like “work remotely”.

示例: Yes, definitely. I prefer working there because my room has a comfortable setup with a desk and a bed, so I can work remotely from either place. It feels convenient and familiar since it is my home.

建议: Begin with a clear topic sentence about your current situation, then give a specific preference and a reason or example. Use correct grammar (e.g., “I haven't chosen a specialty” and “creative thinking skills”). Avoid repeating “I think” too often.

示例: I don't have exact plans yet because I haven't chosen a specialty. However, I would like a job that allows creativity and creative thinking, such as graphic design or product design, because I enjoy making things by hand and solving visual problems.

× I am a student at a Nazarbaug intellectual school in the city of Ximen.

✓ I am a student at Nazarbaug Intellectual School in the city of Ximen.

The indefinite article 'a' before a specific proper school name is incorrect. Proper names of institutions usually do not take 'a'. Capitalize the official name 'Nazarbaug Intellectual School'. Remove the article to sound natural.

× Uh, I've entering this school when I was in 7th grade, now I'm 12th grade student.

✓ I entered this school when I was in 7th grade; now I'm a 12th-grade student.

The present perfect contraction 'I've' should be followed by a past participle, but 'entering' is a present participle. The intended meaning is a past simple action 'entered'. Also add the article 'a' before '12th-grade student' and hyphenate '12th-grade' for correct adjective form.

× Actually, I don't have a main job because I'm a student, I'm just a teenager.

✓ Actually, I don't have a main job because I'm a student; I'm just a teenager.

The sentence is grammatically acceptable but needed punctuation correction: use a semicolon or separate sentences. No article error aside from punctuation; kept as one corrected sentence to improve clarity.

× However, I have my small business.

✓ However, I have a small business.

Use the indefinite article 'a' with 'small business' to indicate one of possible businesses. 'My small business' implies ownership and could be used, but given context 'a small business' is more natural.

× I created a unique journals for my relatives or just friends.

✓ I create unique journals for my relatives and friends.

Mismatch between verb tense and noun number: 'created' (past) conflicts with ongoing activity; use present simple 'create'. 'A unique journals' is ungrammatical because 'a' requires a singular noun; use plural 'journals' and remove 'a'. Use 'and' instead of 'or' to sound natural.

× They paid me for this type of art so I can say that making.

✓ They pay me for this type of art, so I can say that I make them.

Tense inconsistency: use present simple 'pay' for habitual action. Original phrase 'I can say that making' is ungrammatical; use 'I make them' or 'I make these journals'. Include an object 'them' to complete the verb.

× I think yes, actually it's not a full time job.

✓ I think so; actually, it's not a full-time job.

Use 'so' after 'think' for natural phrasing. 'Full-time' should be hyphenated when used as a compound adjective before 'job'.

× I can work when I have a free time.

✓ I can work when I have free time.

'A' is unnecessary before 'free time' because 'time' in this sense is uncountable. Remove the article.

× So it's online type of job.

✓ So it's an online type of job.

Missing article 'an' before 'online' (vowel sound) and natural phrasing would be 'an online job' or 'a type of online job'. Added 'an' to correct the noun phrase.

× As a result, it's it's convenient for me when I don't have studies or learn learning something, I can create journals.

✓ As a result, it's convenient for me; when I don't have classes or am not studying, I can create journals.

Duplicate 'it's it's' is an error. 'Have studies' is unnatural; use 'have classes' or 'am studying'. 'Learn learning' is incorrect repetition; use 'am not studying'. Also split into clearer clauses.

× I like it because it's my room.

✓ I like it because it's my room.

Sentence is acceptable; retained as is. 'My room' correctly uses the definite possessive; no change required. Included here to indicate checked and correct.

× I can work a remote from my bed or from the table.

✓ I can work remotely from my bed or from the table.

Use the adverb 'remotely' rather than 'a remote'. 'From the table' is acceptable but 'from my desk' is more natural; kept 'table' per original.

× So it's really convenient and I like it because it's my house.

✓ So it's really convenient, and I like it because it's my home.

'House' refers to the building; 'home' fits the context of personal comfort better. Added a comma before 'and' for clarity.

× I don't have exact plan to my future because I didn't even choose my specialized.

✓ I don't have an exact plan for my future because I haven't even chosen my specialization.

Use 'an' before 'exact plan'. Use preposition 'for' with 'plan for my future'. Tense: 'haven't even chosen' (present perfect) indicates up to now. 'Specialized' is incorrect; use 'specialization' or 'special subject'.

× I think that I would be work in some type of job where a person should be a creative and have creating thinking skills.

✓ I think that I would work in a job where a person needs to be creative and have creative thinking skills.

Remove extra 'be' after 'would'. Use 'a job' not 'some type of job' for concision. 'Should be a creative' is incorrect; use 'needs to be creative' and 'creating thinking skills' should be 'creative thinking skills'.

× So I think I would love my job if I would choose the best one.

✓ So I think I would love my job if I chose the best one.

In conditional sentences, use 'would' in the main clause and past simple in the if-clause: 'If I chose the best one.' Using 'would' twice is incorrect. This is the second conditional structure for hypothetical situations.