工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid fragmented sentences and tense errors (use past simple for finished actions).

示例: I’m currently neither working nor studying. I graduated last year in aircraft maintenance engineering, but I haven’t looked for a full-time job because I’m caring for my sick grandparents. I did, however, work for one month as a part-time sales assistant at a New Balance shop.

建议: Answer directly with past tense and clearer sequencing. Use linking words (because, so, when) to show reasons and time. Correct verb forms and avoid repetition.

示例: I worked as a part-time sales assistant at the New Balance store in Mitsui Mall for about a month. They were having a big sale and needed extra staff, so I applied after seeing the job advertised on social media.

建议: Give a clear evaluation with specific reasons and avoid filler words. Use two or three concise points and link them logically (for example: although... , but...).

示例: Yes, it was a good place to work. The staff were friendly, the pay was reasonable for short-term work, and there was no overtime required. However, they did not provide meals or other benefits.

建议: If you don't understand a question, briefly ask the examiner to repeat or rephrase. Practice a short polite response to request clarification.

示例: Pardon, could you repeat that question, please? / Do you mean whether I liked working there?

建议: State your plans directly, then add specific details like role, study plans, and timeline. Use confident language and avoid hesitation sounds. Link sentences to show progression (first, then, finally).

示例: I plan to work in the aviation industry. I completed a diploma in aircraft maintenance engineering and intend to pursue a degree in the same field. After graduating, I hope to work as an aircraft maintenance engineer or technician, preferably with a commercial airline within two to three years.

× At the moment I'm neither working nor studying.

✓ At the moment I'm neither working nor studying.

No correction needed; sentence is correct. Present continuous correctly describes a current ongoing situation.

× I graduated in active maintenance engineering UH last year and since then I have not been able to look for jobs because I'm taking care of my ill para grandparents.

✓ I graduated in Aircraft Maintenance Engineering last year, and since then I have not been able to look for jobs because I'm taking care of my ill grandparents.

Original sentence had word choice and structure issues: 'active' should be 'Aircraft', 'UH' and 'para' are unclear or extraneous. Use a comma before 'and' when joining two independent clauses. Remove unnecessary words to improve clarity.

× So I did had a chance to work.

✓ So I did have a chance to work.

After the auxiliary 'did' the main verb should be in base form, not past tense. 'Did had' is incorrect; use 'did have' for emphasis in past.

× As a part timer in A at a retailer.

✓ I worked as a part-time employee at a retailer.

Fragment lacking a main verb and unclear phrasing. Convert to a full sentence with subject and verb; use 'part-time' as adjective and 'employee' as noun for clarity.

× It was a New Balance shop and I work for a month as a part time.

✓ It was a New Balance shop and I worked there for a month as a part-time employee.

Talking about a past event requires past tense 'worked'. Also add 'there' for clarity and hyphenate 'part-time' when used as adjective.

× When I was a part timer, I work at New Balance uh at Mitsui Kia.

✓ When I was a part-timer, I worked at New Balance in Mitsui Mall.

Use past tense 'worked' for past actions. Use 'in' for locations like a mall, and correct 'part-timer' hyphenation. 'Mitsui Kia' seemed incorrect; 'Mitsui Mall' or the correct location should be used.

× It was I worked there for about a month so that it was a sale.

✓ I worked there for about a month because there was a sale.

Remove redundant 'It was' and use past tense consistently; 'because' clarifies cause. The original had awkward structure and unnecessary words.

× There was a sale and they were looking for a part time uh.

✓ There was a sale, and they were looking for a part-time salesperson.

Provide the noun 'salesperson' after 'part-time'; hyphenate 'part-time' and add a comma before conjunction joining clauses.

× and I happen to be I happen to saw the advertisement in a in social media.

✓ and I happened to see the advertisement on social media.

Use past tense 'happened' for a past occurrence and the base form 'see' after verbs like 'happen to'. Use preposition 'on' with 'social media'.

× Yes, I believe it's a good place to work.

✓ Yes, I believe it's a good place to work.

Sentence is correct; pronoun usage is appropriate.

× The staff were nice and, uh, although they don't provide food or anything like that, but they paid a good amount of uh, salary and, and.

✓ The staff were nice, and although they didn't provide food or anything like that, they paid a good salary.

Mixing 'although' and 'but' is redundant; use one conjunction. Maintain past tense 'didn't' and 'paid' to match the event. 'A good amount of salary' is unnatural; 'a good salary' is concise.

× There's no overtime or or they don't, uh.

✓ There was no overtime, and they didn't ask us to work extra hours.

Original is a fragment and repeats words. Use past tense and complete the idea by specifying 'ask us to work extra hours' for clarity.

× I plan to work at in the aviation industries.

✓ I plan to work in the aviation industry.

Use 'in' for fields or industries and the singular uncountable form 'industry' is idiomatic. Remove extra 'at' and plural 'industries' unless referring to multiple industries.

× I took UMM Aircraft Maintenance Engineering for my diploma and I am planning to take a degree in that course as well.

✓ I took Aircraft Maintenance Engineering at UMM for my diploma, and I am planning to pursue a degree in the same field as well.

Place institution 'at UMM' correctly and use 'pursue a degree' for natural collocation. 'In that course' is acceptable but 'the same field' is clearer.

× So I plan to work as an engineer or a technician in. Aircraft uh, industries or work with aircraft or anything related to the aviation uh sectors.

✓ So I plan to work as an engineer or a technician in the aircraft industry, or work with aircraft or anything related to the aviation sector.

Remove incorrect period causing sentence break. Use singular 'industry' or 'sector' for general fields, and be consistent: 'aviation sector' is preferred. Clean filler words for clarity.