工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise, avoid fillers (uh, um), and present a clear topic sentence followed by one concise supporting detail. Keep within 1–2 sentences and use linking words if needed.

示例: I’m not working at the moment; I recently completed an executive master’s course, so I’m between-study and employment right now.

建议: Start with a direct topic sentence about your past job, then give a specific reason for the career change using a linking word (e.g., because, so). Reduce hesitation and avoid repeating filler words.

示例: I previously worked as an accountant for seven years. Because I became interested in technology and cybersecurity, I decided to switch careers and I’m currently looking for a job in IT.

建议: Give a clear evaluative topic sentence, then support it with specific reasons using linking words (however, although, because). Replace vague phrases with concrete examples (e.g., limited promotion opportunities).

示例: Overall, it was a good place to work; however, I hit a glass ceiling and couldn’t get promoted further. On the positive side, my colleagues were supportive and the daily tasks were interesting.

建议: Give a direct response and include one or two specific details. Use smoother phrasing and remove hesitations. Link the reason to your preference with words like because or so.

示例: Yes, I liked my office because it was next to a pleasant park, so I could enjoy nature during breaks and relax between tasks.

建议: State your plan clearly in one sentence and add a specific, realistic goal or timeline in a second sentence. Remove filler words and use linking phrases like because or in order to to explain your motivation.

示例: I plan to find a job in the IT sector, specifically in cybersecurity. To achieve this, I am gaining relevant certifications and applying for entry-level cybersecurity roles over the next six months.

× Umm, I'm not working right now.

✓ I'm not working at the moment.

Use of 'right now' is acceptable conversationally, but 'at the moment' is more appropriate in this formal exam context; this is a stylistic present tense preference. Use a consistent present continuous time expression.

× And uh, I, uh, just finished, uh, the executive master's course, Uh, so I can say that for now, I'm not, uh, a student and I'm not working.

✓ I have just finished the executive master's course, so for now I am neither a student nor employed.

The original mixes tense and has awkward filler words. Use present perfect 'have just finished' to link a recent past action to the present. Use 'neither...nor' to join two negative states and 'employed' as a concise alternative to 'not working.' Remove fillers for clarity.

× I used to work as an accountant, uh, for seven years and, uh, I decided to switch my, uh, career to IT and cybersecurity.

✓ I worked as an accountant for seven years, and I decided to switch my career to IT and cybersecurity.

'Used to' is acceptable but 'worked' is cleaner; main issue is unnecessary fillers. Maintain simple past for finished past employment ('worked', 'decided').

× So I hope to find a job in this area.

✓ So I hope to find a job in this area.

Sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. It uses the infinitive 'to find' correctly after 'hope.' Included here to follow instruction #2 (only correct items that match the list) — this item requires no correction.

× Uh, talking about my previous job, uh, yeah, I think it was, uh, quite nice, but uh, I met, uh, glass ceiling so I couldn't move anywhere.

✓ Talking about my previous job, I think it was quite nice, but I encountered a glass ceiling, so I couldn't progress.

'Met glass ceiling' is incorrect collocation; use 'encountered a glass ceiling.' 'Move anywhere' is informal and vague; use 'progress.' Remove fillers and extra commas.

× Umm, but I, I liked my colleagues, my team and, uh, my work as well.

✓ However, I liked my colleagues, my team, and my work.

Redundant repetition 'I, I' and filler 'uh' should be removed. 'However' fits contrast. The pronoun usage is fine but the sentence needs smoothing and punctuation.

× Uh, I like to my office, uh, uh, where I worked and uh, it was uh, next to the nice park.

✓ I liked my office where I worked; it was next to a nice park.

'Like to my office' is incorrect; use 'liked my office' (past). Use article 'a nice park' instead of 'the nice park' unless the park is already identified. Remove fillers and correct tense consistency.

× Uh, I could enjoy, uh, the nature during the breaks.

✓ I could enjoy nature during my breaks.

'The nature' is incorrect in this context; use 'nature' without 'the.' 'During the breaks' is awkward; 'during my breaks' is clearer. Remove fillers.

× Uh, I want to find a job in, uh, IT sector, umm, so I hope just to, to switch and, uh, find, uh, myself there.

✓ I want to find a job in the IT sector, so I hope to switch careers and find my place there.

Add definite article 'the' before 'IT sector.' 'Hope just to, to switch' is ungrammatical; use 'hope to switch careers.' 'Find myself there' is colloquial; 'find my place there' is clearer. Remove fillers and ensure parallel structure.

× I like technologies, I like, uh, uh, cybersecurity.

✓ I like technology, especially cybersecurity.

Use the uncountable noun 'technology' rather than plural 'technologies' for general interest. Combine the ideas for smoother expression and remove fillers.