工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence first, then add one or two relevant details. Avoid filler words and small grammatical errors (e.g., 'completed my degree' instead of 'completed my graduation').

示例: I’m currently working. I graduated two years ago with a degree in Chemical Laboratory Analysis, and now I work as the manager of a bar and grill.

建议: Start with a direct topic sentence stating the workplace name, then give one specific location detail. Remove hesitations and repeated phrases and link ideas with a short connector (e.g., 'and').

示例: I work at Chuck’s Roadhouse Bar and Grill, which is a popular restaurant. It’s about a 35-minute drive from my home and is located in the city centre of Mississauga.

建议: Give a clear opinion sentence first, then support it with specific reasons. Correct vocabulary (e.g., 'staff' not 'stuff') and avoid fillers. Use a linking word like 'because' to connect opinion and reasons.

示例: Yes, it’s a great place to work because the front-of-house and kitchen staff are very cooperative and the owners are supportive.

建议: Give a direct answer and then two concise supporting points. Fix grammar and word choice (e.g., 'they pay us well' not 'very good'). Avoid repeating reasons already mentioned earlier by adding one new detail, such as working hours or benefits.

示例: Yes, absolutely. I enjoy working there because the staff and owners are very supportive, and the pay and tips are good.

建议: Begin with a clear topic sentence about your plan, then give specific reasons and a brief detail about the kind of job you want. Correct articles and phrasing (e.g., 'a job with daytime hours' and 'mostly desk-based').

示例: In the future I plan to leave the restaurant industry and find a daytime, desk-based job because I prefer sitting work and a more regular schedule.

× I have completed my graduation two years ago in Chemical Laboratory analysis.

✓ I completed my graduation two years ago in Chemical Laboratory Analysis.

Using 'have completed' with a specific past time expression ('two years ago') is incorrect in English; the simple past tense should be used. Use 'completed' for actions finished at a definite time in the past. Also capitalize the field name consistently as 'Chemical Laboratory Analysis'. Suggestion: Use simple past when you mention a specific time: 'I completed my graduation two years ago.'

× It's it's name is Chuck's Roadhouse Bar and Grill.

✓ Its name is Chuck's Roadhouse Bar and Grill.

The phrase 'It's it's name' misuses the contraction 'it's' (it is) and repeats it. The correct possessive form is 'its' (without apostrophe). Use 'Its name is...'. Suggestion: Use 'its' for possessive, 'it's' only for 'it is' or 'it has'.

× Umm, it's actually like, it's actually like a 35 minutes drive from my house.

✓ It's actually about a 35-minute drive from my house.

Use 'about' instead of repeated 'it's actually like' which is colloquial and redundant. '35 minutes drive' needs the compound adjective form '35-minute' before 'drive'. Keep present simple 'is' for general facts. Suggestion: Say 'It's about a 35-minute drive.'

× It falls in the city center of, uh, Mississauga.

✓ It is in the city center of Mississauga.

The verb 'falls in' is awkward here; use 'is in' or 'is located in' to describe location. Also remove unnecessary filler words. 'City center of Mississauga' is acceptable; 'in the city center of Mississauga' is clearer. Suggestion: Use 'is located in the city center of Mississauga.' for formal speech.

× Is definitely it's uh, I think it's the best place to work because all the stuff at the front of our house and in the kitchen area are very cooperative and understanding.

✓ It certainly is; I think it's the best place to work because all the staff at the front of the house and in the kitchen are very cooperative and understanding.

The original starts with 'Is definitely it's' which is ungrammatical; use 'It certainly is.' Also 'stuff' is incorrect for people; use 'staff'. Subject-verb agreement: 'all the staff ... are' is acceptable if 'staff' considered plural; keep 'are'. Remove redundant fillers. Suggestion: Begin with 'It certainly is.' and use 'staff' not 'stuff'.

× Umm and the even the owners are nice as well.

✓ Even the owners are nice as well.

The sequence 'Umm and the even the owners' has misplaced words; remove extra 'the' and 'and' to form 'Even the owners...'. Also avoid double qualifiers 'nice as well' could be simplified to 'are nice'. Suggestion: Say 'Even the owners are nice.'

× Yes, absolutely. I love the place where I work umm because all the staff at the front desk and the kitchen are very supportive and understanding.

✓ Yes, absolutely. I love the place where I work because all the staff at the front desk and in the kitchen are very supportive and understanding.

This sentence is mostly correct but missing preposition 'in' before 'the kitchen' for parallel structure. Keep 'staff' and verb agreement; no other quantifier error. Suggestion: Maintain parallel prepositions: 'at the front desk and in the kitchen.'

× It's been they pay us very good.

✓ They pay us very well.

'It's been they pay us very good' is ungrammatical. Use 'They pay us very well.' 'Good' is an adjective; use adverb 'well' to modify the verb 'pay'. The phrase 'It's been' is unnecessary and incorrect here. Suggestion: Say simply 'They pay us very well.'

× In my future, I really want to leave the restaurant industry that I'm currently working in.

✓ In the future, I really want to leave the restaurant industry I'm currently working in.

'In my future' is awkward; 'In the future' is the normal expression. The relative clause 'that I'm currently working in' is acceptable but can omit 'that'. Also avoid ending with 'in' in formal writing but acceptable in speech; keep structure consistent. Suggestion: Use 'In the future' for general plans.

× I would like to get an job which has only daytime hours and it's mostly a sitting job because I don't like to stand all day.

✓ I would like to get a job that has only daytime hours and is mostly a seated job because I don't like standing all day.

Use 'a job' not 'an job'—'job' begins with a consonant sound. Use 'that' instead of 'which' in defining clauses in spoken English; 'it's mostly a sitting job' is clumsy—use 'is mostly a seated job' or 'mostly involves sitting'. Also 'I don't like to stand all day' -> 'I don't like standing all day' is more natural. Suggestion: 'I would like to get a job that has only daytime hours and mostly involves sitting, because I don't like standing all day.'