Work— Part 1 Báo cáo

Gợi ý: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (I work) then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid redundancy (e.g., "for the future time that I'll be a student"). Use linking words to connect ideas logically.

Ví dụ: I work full-time. I have been employed at a private corporate firm for two years, where I gained practical experience in software development. Because of this experience, I plan to pursue a master’s degree to deepen my knowledge.

Gợi ý: Lead with a direct answer then give one or two specific reasons. Avoid repeating "I work" and reduce vague statements. Use linking words (for example, because, so) to connect the location, role and effect on your motivation.

Ví dụ: I work at the Bank of New York Mellon in Pune as a software developer. Because Pune has pleasant weather and a relaxed atmosphere, I feel more motivated and productive at work.

Gợi ý: Start with a clear opinion, then give concrete supporting details about what makes it good (leadership, teamwork, projects). Avoid vague phrasing like "a lot in mind" — be specific about initiatives or culture. Use linking words to structure your points.

Ví dụ: Yes, it is a good place to work. For example, leadership has a clear vision for innovation, and my team in the AI Hub collaborates closely with the data team to build practical solutions for clients.

Gợi ý: Answer directly and clearly (Yes, I do.), then explain briefly why and add one specific reason for wanting change. Avoid repetition and awkward phrasing like "I already do" and "when I pursue a master's degree." Use linking words (however, because).

Ví dụ: Yes, I enjoy working there because of the supportive team and interesting projects. However, after two years I want greater challenges, so I plan to pursue a master’s degree to learn advanced skills.

Gợi ý: Begin with a clear topic sentence about short-term and long-term plans. Use precise language (e.g., "I plan to pursue" not "pursue to be employed"). Give specific fields or roles if possible and use linking words (first, then, after that).

Ví dụ: In the short term, I plan to pursue a master’s degree to deepen my knowledge in AI and machine learning. After that, I aim to work at a reputable firm in the European Union where I can apply and expand my expertise.

× Yes, I work and I've been employed at a corporate private firm for two years.

✓ Yes, I work, and I've been employed at a private corporate firm for two years.

The original sentence is generally understandable but has awkward word order 'corporate private firm'; correct adjective order is 'private corporate firm'. Also add a comma before 'and' joining two independent clauses. Improve flow by keeping standard adjective order.

× I really enjoy working there and it has given me some professional experience I will carry with me for the future time that I'll be a student when I pursue my masters.

✓ I really enjoy working there, and it has given me professional experience that I will carry with me when I become a student and pursue my master's degree.

Problems: incorrect phrase 'for the future time that I'll be a student' and missing article in 'masters'. Use 'when I become a student' or 'when I pursue my master's degree'. Add possessive and singular form 'master's degree'. Use comma before coordinating conjunction joining clauses.

× I work at the Bank of New York Mellon in Pune, Maharashtra.

✓ I work at Bank of New York Mellon in Pune, Maharashtra.

Corporate names may or may not require 'the'. In common usage 'Bank of New York Mellon' is used without 'the'. Removing 'the' makes the sentence more natural.

× I work as a software developer and the city I am in really influences how I work because the weather is so good here in Pune.

✓ I work as a software developer, and the city I'm in really influences how I work because the weather is so good here in Pune.

Style improvement: contract 'I am' to 'I'm' acceptable in speaking; add comma before 'and' joining independent clauses. No major grammar error beyond style.

× I really love living here and it motivates me to wake up the next day and go to work.

✓ I really love living here, and it motivates me to get up each morning and go to work.

Use 'get up each morning' or 'wake up in the morning' for natural spoken English; add comma before 'and'. 'The next day' is awkward in a habitual context; use 'each morning'.

× I believe BNY is a great place to work.

✓ I believe BNY is a great place to work at.

Both versions are acceptable; adding 'at' is optional. Original is fine; suggested alternative maintains preposition use. Marked because preposition choice can affect naturalness.

× The CEO, Robin Vince, has a lot in mind for the future of the firm and all employees work directly towards it.

✓ The CEO, Robin Vince, has many plans for the firm's future, and all employees work directly toward them.

'A lot in mind' is informal and vague; 'many plans' is clearer. 'Work directly towards it' has pronoun-number mismatch: 'plans' (plural) requires 'them', and American English prefers 'toward' not 'towards'. Also add comma and possessive 'firm's'.

× I work in the AI Hub department where we are collaborating with the data team and building solutions for everyone.

✓ I work in the AI Hub department, where we collaborate with the data team and build solutions for everyone.

Maintain simple present tense for habitual actions: 'we collaborate' and 'build' rather than present continuous unless emphasizing ongoing projects. Add comma before 'where' for clarity.

× I already do, I like the place that I work, but it's been 2 years and I feel it's time I pursue greater challenges and find out what else I can learn when I pursue a master's degree.

✓ I already do; I like the place where I work, but it's been two years and I feel it's time to pursue greater challenges and find out what else I can learn by doing a master's degree.

Run-on sentence issues: replace comma with semicolon or split. Use 'where' instead of 'that' for place. Write out numbers in words in formal speech 'two years'. Use 'time to pursue' rather than 'time I pursue' and 'by doing a master's degree' or 'when I pursue a master's degree' for clarity. Add possessive 'master's'.

× My immediate future plan is to expand my skills and pursue a master's degree so that I have more depth of knowledge in the field of my choice.

✓ My immediate plan is to expand my skills and pursue a master's degree so that I will have more depth of knowledge in my chosen field.

Tense consistency: 'so that I have' is acceptable but 'so that I will have' better expresses a future result. 'Field of my choice' is awkward; 'my chosen field' is more natural.

× After that, I pursue to be employed at a good firm in the European Union where I can contribute my expertise.

✓ After that, I intend to work for a good firm in the European Union where I can contribute my expertise.

'I pursue to be employed' is ungrammatical. Use 'I intend to' or 'I hope to be employed' or 'I plan to work for'. 'Work for a firm' is natural collocation. This corrects verb pattern and provides clear future intention.