Bike— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: 첫 문장에서 질문에 직접 답한 점은 좋습니다. 하지만 두 번째 문장이 “because when I wanted to ride the bike”에서 중단되어 문법적으로 완성되지 않았고, 아버지가 자전거를 사 준 이유도 명확하게 전달되지 않았습니다. “because I wanted to learn how to ride”처럼 완전한 절을 사용하고, 자전거를 어디에서 탔는지 또는 얼마나 자주 탔는지 구체적인 세부사항을 한 문장 추가하세요. “Also”나 “For example” 같은 연결어를 사용하면 답변이 더 자연스럽습니다.

Exemplo: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My father bought it for me because I wanted to learn how to ride. I often rode it around my neighborhood with my friends after school.

Sugestão: 과거와 현재를 비교하고 “however”를 사용한 점은 효과적입니다. 다만 “digital entertainments”는 일반적으로 셀 수 없는 명사인 “digital entertainment”가 더 자연스럽고, 마지막 문장이 “so fewer people”에서 끝나 답변이 불완전합니다. “fewer people ride bikes for fun”처럼 결론을 완성하고, 현재에도 자전거가 운동이나 출퇴근 수단으로 인기가 있다는 예외를 덧붙이면 내용과 어휘가 더 풍부해집니다. 원인과 결과를 연결할 때는 “As a result” 또는 “Therefore”를 사용할 수 있습니다.

Exemplo: Yes, bikes are still fairly popular in my country, although they were more common among children in the past. When I was young, we had fewer forms of digital entertainment, so many children rode bikes outside with their friends. Nowadays, video games and streaming services are more popular, but adults still use bikes for exercise and commuting.

× When I was a child, bikes were very popular because we didn't have much digital entertainments.

✓ When I was a child, bikes were very popular because we didn't have much digital entertainment.

Entertainment is an uncountable noun when referring to this activity in general, so it should not be pluralized. Use much digital entertainment, not much digital entertainments.

× Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My father bought the bike because when I wanted to ride the bike

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My father bought me the bike because I wanted to ride it.

The clause because when I wanted to ride the bike is grammatically incomplete and uses because and when incorrectly together. Use because I wanted to ride it to express the reason clearly. The pronoun it also avoids unnecessarily repeating the bike.

× Nowadays, however, digital entertainment like video games and streaming services has become more common so fewer people

✓ Nowadays, however, digital entertainment like video games and streaming services has become more common, so fewer people ride bikes.

The sentence ends with an incomplete clause because fewer people has no verb or complete idea. Add the verb ride and the object bikes to complete the sentence. A comma before so also helps separate the two clauses.