Study— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more concise and use correct prepositions and tense. Start with a clear topic sentence (I have just graduated) then add one short supporting detail. Fix grammar: 'I've just received my bachelor's degree' and 'preparing my materials for a postgraduate application to UH.'

Exemplo: I have just graduated with a bachelor's degree this June. Right now I am preparing my application materials for a postgraduate program at UH, including my transcript and personal statement.

Sugestão: Use present and future consistently and give one specific detail about the institutions or reasons. Start with a topic sentence: where you studied and where you will study next. Use 'I studied' not 'I had.'

Exemplo: I studied for my bachelor's degree in Shanghai, China at [University name]. Next year I will continue my studies in Dubai, UAE at a university focusing on financial technology.

Sugestão: Answer directly and avoid repetition. Use a clear reason and a concrete example: mention libraries, research centers, internships. Correct word choice: 'career assistance.'

Exemplo: Yes, Shanghai is a great place to study because it has many universities, extensive research libraries, and strong connections with companies that provide internships and career assistance to students.

Sugestão: This answer does not address whether you want changes and is repetitive and unclear. First state whether you would like changes, then give one specific change and explain why using linking words. Avoid fillers and repetition ('when when').

Exemplo: I would like some changes in Dubai's universities, such as more affordable housing for students, because lower living costs would allow international students to focus more on their studies and internships.

Sugestão: Clarify the course name and organize ideas into one clear topic sentence plus specific subjects. Use correct terms and link ideas: 'I am applying for a postgraduate program in Financial Technology.' Then list relevant modules or skills you want to study, using commas and conjunctions.

Exemplo: I am applying for a postgraduate program in Financial Technology. I plan to study commercial risk management, computer programming, and financial reporting to build technical and analytical skills for a career in fintech.

× I just, I've just gotten my bachelor's degree this June and I'm now preparing on the materials for UH postgraduate application.

✓ I have just gotten my bachelor's degree this June and I'm now preparing the materials for UH postgraduate application.

The sentence mixes informal 'just' placements and an incorrect preposition 'on'. Use present perfect 'have just gotten' to indicate a recent event; remove 'on' and use 'preparing the materials' to correctly express working on application materials. Also keep consistent tense and formal phrasing: 'I have just obtained my bachelor's degree this June' is an alternative.

× I had my bachelor's degree in Shanghai, China and will further my study in Dubai, UAE.

✓ I obtained my bachelor's degree in Shanghai, China and will further my study in Dubai, UAE.

The original 'had my bachelor's degree' is awkward; use simple past 'obtained' or 'earned' to state when the degree was received. 'Had' can imply possession rather than the action of graduating. This keeps tense consistent with the future 'will further my study'.

× I think it's a good place for students to study because it offers many educational resources and career assist assistance.

✓ I think it's a good place for students to study because it offers many educational resources and career assistance.

The word 'assist' is redundant before 'assistance' and creates an incorrect phrase. Remove 'assist' so that 'career assistance' correctly expresses help with careers. This fixes word choice and eliminates repetition.

× I wanna talk about Dubai.

✓ I want to talk about Dubai.

'wanna' is informal spoken contraction; in formal or test settings use 'want to'. This corrects register and verb phrase usage.

× I used to spend my early life and study in Shanghai, China. Like moving when when I moved to Dubai, I view myself as an international talent person, which broadened my eyes.

✓ I spent my early life and studied in Shanghai, China. After moving to Dubai, I see myself as an international person, which broadened my horizons.

Multiple issues: 'used to spend my early life and study' is awkward—use simple past 'spent' and 'studied'. Remove filler 'Like'. 'When when' is repeated. 'I view myself as an international talent person' is unnatural; say 'international person' or 'an international professional'. 'Broadened my eyes' is incorrect idiom; use 'broadened my horizons'. These corrections fix tense, repetition, word choice, and idiomatic expression.

× I'm now applying for financial technology for posters.

✓ I'm now applying for a postgraduate program in financial technology.

'For posters' is unclear and likely incorrect. Use 'applying for a postgraduate program in financial technology' to clearly state the intention. Include the article 'a' and correct noun phrase.

× I want commercial risks. Management, computer programming and financial reports in my postgraduate.

✓ I want to study commercial risk management, computer programming, and financial reporting in my postgraduate studies.

Original sentence is fragmented and unclear. Combine items into a parallel list and use correct terms: 'commercial risk management' (not 'commercial risks. Management'), 'computer programming', and 'financial reporting' (not 'financial reports'). Add 'studies' to complete the noun phrase. This fixes sentence structure, parallelism, and terminology.