Opportunities— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: 질문에 직접 답한 점은 좋지만, 두 문장을 연결할 때 마침표나 접속사가 필요합니다. “Korea curriculum”보다는 “the school curriculum in Korea”가 자연스럽고, “floorboard or poof”는 의미가 불분명하므로 실제 종목명인 “floorball”이나 “table tennis”처럼 정확한 단어를 사용해야 합니다. 또한 활동을 많이 했다는 내용에 구체적인 경험이나 느낌을 한 문장 덧붙이면 답변이 더 효과적이고 풍부해집니다.

Exemplo: Yes, I did. The school curriculum in Korea offered many sports activities, so I tried basketball, floorball, and table tennis. I especially enjoyed basketball because I liked playing with my classmates.

Sugestão: 의견을 먼저 제시하고 개인적인 경험을 근거로 든 점이 좋습니다. 다만 “when I was a young child” 앞뒤에 쉼표가 필요하고, “take care of plant”는 “take care of plants”, “got interest in planting”은 “became interested in gardening”이 자연스럽습니다. “rendescaper”는 일반적으로 사용되지 않으므로 “landscaper” 또는 “a gardener at a botanical garden”을 사용하세요. 또한 다양한 경험이 새로운 진로를 발견하는 데 도움을 주었다는 결과를 명확히 연결하면 논리와 어휘 사용이 향상됩니다.

Exemplo: Yes, I think people should try different things because it helps them discover their interests and talents. When I was young, I took care of some plants as a hobby. I eventually became interested in gardening, and this experience inspired me to consider becoming a gardener at a botanical garden.

× Yes, I did there are many sports activities in Korea curriculum so I tried many sports such as basketball, floorboard or poof.

✓ Yes, I did. There are many sports activities in the Korean curriculum, so I tried many sports, such as basketball, floorball, or golf.

The original answer contains several independent clauses joined without appropriate punctuation. Use a full stop after 'did' and a comma before 'so' to make the sentence structure clear. 'Floorball' and 'golf' are used as the likely intended sports names; spelling or word-choice corrections are included only to make the answer understandable.

× Yes, I did there are many sports activities in Korea curriculum so I tried many sports such as basketball, floorboard or poof.

✓ Yes, I did. There are many sports activities in the Korean curriculum, so I tried many sports, such as basketball, floorball, or golf.

Use 'the' before 'Korean curriculum' because the answer refers to a specific national curriculum. The adjective 'Korean' should also modify 'curriculum' directly.

× I'd like to say yes because in my case when I was a young child I tried to take care of plant as a hobby. Eventually I got interest in planting so I decided to be a rendescaper at a botanical garden.

✓ I'd like to say yes because, in my case, when I was a young child, I tried to take care of a plant as a hobby. Eventually, I became interested in gardening, so I decided to become a landscaper at a botanical garden.

'Plant' is a singular countable noun, so it needs the article 'a': 'a plant.' The sentence also needs 'a' before 'landscaper' because it refers to one person with a profession. Use 'a botanical garden' because this is an indefinite reference to one botanical garden.

× I'd like to say yes because in my case when I was a young child I tried to take care of plant as a hobby. Eventually I got interest in planting so I decided to be a rendescaper at a botanical garden.

✓ I'd like to say yes because, in my case, when I was a young child, I tried to take care of a plant as a hobby. Eventually, I became interested in gardening, so I decided to become a landscaper at a botanical garden.

After 'become,' use the adjective 'interested,' not the noun 'interest.' The correct expression is 'become interested in gardening.' Also, 'become a landscaper' is more natural than 'be a landscaper' when describing a decision about a future career.