Opportunities— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more natural and concise, correct vocabulary, and add one specific supporting detail. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct the sport name, and use a linking phrase before the example. Avoid repetition and keep to about 2–4 sentences.

Exemplo: Yes. I had several opportunities to try new activities, especially sports. For example, I tried rugby and judo at school, which helped me become more disciplined and learn to work in a team.

Sugestão: Give a direct topic sentence, use linking words to organize reasons and an example, and be more specific about difficulties. Reduce filler phrases and avoid vague clauses. Keep to 2–3 sentences and use varied vocabulary (e.g., 'beneficial' instead of 'very important').

Exemplo: Yes, I believe people should try different things because it helps them learn about themselves and others. For instance, learning a musical instrument can boost confidence and social skills; however, some people may find it hard due to time constraints or lack of resources.

× In this case I will talk about sports activities because for example, when I was young, I tried a lot of sports like rudeby or Judo.

✓ In this case I will talk about sports activities because, for example, when I was young, I tried a lot of sports like rugby or judo.

The word 'rudeby' is a misspelling of 'rugby' and 'Judo' should be lowercased as a common noun in this sentence. This is categorized under incorrect use of adjectives/adverbs because it relates to incorrect word form/choice. Suggestion: proofread for correct spellings and follow capitalization rules for sports names (lowercase unless starting a sentence).

× Yeah, I really think people should try different things because when you do new things you discover more about the world, yourself, other people around you.

✓ Yeah, I really think people should try different things because when you do new things you discover more about the world, yourself, and the people around you.

The original sentence omits the conjunction 'and' before the final item in the list and omits the article 'the' before 'people around you', causing awkward parallelism. This falls under incorrect conjunction use/sentence structure. Suggestion: use 'and' before the last list item and include 'the' to specify 'people around you' for clarity: 'yourself, and the people around you.'

× However, for some people, it's difficult to take in these new activities.

✓ However, for some people, it's difficult to take up these new activities.

The phrase 'take in these new activities' is incorrect collocation; the correct phrasal verb is 'take up' meaning to begin an activity. This relates to present tense usage and article/collocation choice. Suggestion: use 'take up' when talking about starting activities: 'it's difficult to take up these new activities.'