Tiredness— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more concise and natural: give a clear topic sentence then one or two specific reasons or examples. Avoid filler words and repetitions. Also correct small grammar points (e.g., “I often feel tired, especially when I come home from school or after big events”).

Exemplo: I often feel tired. For example, I usually feel exhausted after a long day at school or after attending large events because I’m on my feet all day and it drains my energy.

Sugestão: Answer directly with a clear time frame and avoid unrelated comments. Use linking words to connect ideas and correct word choice (e.g., “relaxing” instead of “soxy”).

Exemplo: I usually feel tired in the late afternoon or after a long day of work or school. However, I sometimes feel refreshed if I go outdoors for a short walk, because the fresh air helps me recharge.

Sugestão: Begin with a direct topic sentence, use correct verb forms and grammar, and add one specific reason or effect to make it more informative. Limit to 2–3 sentences.

Exemplo: When I feel tired, I usually lie down on my bed and scroll through my phone while watching funny videos to relax. I prefer not to be disturbed because I need that quiet time to recover.

× Yes, I often feel tired especially like coming back home or after school or after some big events or and then I'll often feel tired. Exhausted.

✓ Yes, I often feel tired, especially when I come back home, after school, or after big events; I then often feel exhausted.

The original has tense and sentence structure issues: 'coming back home' should be a clause with subject to match present habitual action: 'when I come back home.' 'I'll often feel tired' uses future 'will' incorrectly for habitual present; use present 'I often feel.' Also run-on fragments and redundant 'or and then' were cleaned up. Suggestion: use consistent present tense for habitual actions and connect ideas with conjunctions or punctuation.

× Maybe like during the after school or after a long day or some big events I often feel tired but like for me going outdoors is a very soxy thing to do.

✓ Maybe during or after school, after a long day, or after big events I often feel tired, but for me going outdoors is a very soothing thing to do.

Problems: 'the after school' incorrectly uses definite article and extra 'the'; use 'during or after school.' 'soxy' is not a word — likely intended 'soothing.' Tense is present habitual so maintain present 'I often feel.' Also punctuation added to separate clauses. Suggestion: choose correct adjective and remove unnecessary articles.

× When I feel tired I just lay on my bed and scrolling my phones and watching some funny videos and don't want to anyone to bother me.

✓ When I feel tired, I just lie on my bed, scroll through my phone, watch funny videos, and don't want anyone to bother me.

Errors: 'lay' is incorrect; use intransitive 'lie' for reclining. 'scrolling my phones' mixes verb forms; use base verbs in parallel: 'scroll' and 'watch.' 'my phones' should be singular 'my phone' unless multiple are intended. 'don't want to anyone to bother me' has incorrect word order and unnecessary 'to'; correct is 'don't want anyone to bother me.' Suggestions: use correct verb 'lie' for reclining, keep parallel verb forms, and correct pronoun placement.