Tiredness— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details (what tasks and how they cause tiredness). Use linking words like “because” or “so” to connect ideas and keep it within 3–4 sentences.

Exemplo: Yes, I often feel tired. Recently I moved into a new place, so I have been organizing my belongings and handling household chores, which is time-consuming. Because of these responsibilities, I usually feel mentally and physically drained by evening.

Sugestão: Give a clear topic sentence and one specific reason with a linking phrase. Avoid redundant phrases like “my the time” and try to be precise about timing and activities.

Exemplo: I usually feel tired in the mid-afternoon. At that time my energy dips after doing morning tasks, especially after cleaning the house, so I start to feel sluggish and need a break.

Sugestão: Improve grammar and choice of verbs, avoid slang like “rot in my bed,” and organize into two short sentences: one stating the main action and one giving a specific, relevant detail. Mention a healthier or varied coping strategy to show range.

Exemplo: When I feel tired, I usually rest for a short while. For example, I lie down and watch short videos on my phone to relax, or sometimes I take a 20-minute nap or go for a short walk to refresh myself.

× Yes, I do feel tired often.

✓ Yes, I often feel tired.

The original sentence uses an unnecessary emphatic 'do' with the simple present. Use 'I often feel tired' for natural present-tense habitual expression. Suggestion: remove 'do' unless adding emphasis; place the adverb 'often' before the verb phrase for typical word order.

× I often feel tired because I have a lot of things to do and since I recently moved out, I have to organize a lot of things and prioritize.

✓ I often feel tired because I have a lot to do, and since I recently moved out I have to organize many things and set priorities.

The original is wordy and repeats 'a lot of things.' Also comma placement around 'since' is awkward. Streamline by using 'a lot to do' and 'many things' or 'organize my things'; 'set priorities' is natural. Ensure correct comma usage: no comma after 'moved out' necessary for this short clause.

× That's why I feel tired and I have a lot of responsibility.

✓ That's why I feel tired and have a lot of responsibilities.

Parallel structure is improved by omitting the repeated subject 'I' after 'and.' Use plural 'responsibilities' to refer to multiple duties, matching meaning. Keep present tense consistent.

× I feel tired when it's afternoon because that's my the time where my energy is low and I feel all the tiredness from the things that I did, especially when cleaning the house.

✓ I feel tired in the afternoon because that is the time when my energy is low and I feel tired from the things I did, especially when cleaning the house.

Multiple issues: 'it's afternoon' can be cleaner as 'in the afternoon.' Remove extra 'my' before 'the time.' Use 'when' instead of 'where' for time. 'All the tiredness from the things that I did' is awkward; use 'tired from the things I did.' Keep past actions referenced briefly; present result uses present tense 'feel.'

× When I feel tired, I take a rest I rot in my bed and use my phone to watch Tiktok videos to make my feel at ease or to remove the tiredness I felt from.

✓ When I feel tired, I rest in bed and use my phone to watch TikTok videos to help me relax and get rid of the tiredness.

The original has several errors: 'take a rest' is acceptable but 'rest in bed' is more natural; there's a missing conjunction or punctuation between clauses ('I take a rest I rot in my bed' is run-on). 'I rot' is incorrect word choice (likely meant 'rot' as typo for 'rest' or 'lie'); replace with 'rest.' 'Tiktok' capitalization: 'TikTok.' 'to make my feel at ease' has pronoun error and awkward phrasing; use 'help me relax.' 'Remove the tiredness I felt from' is ungrammatical; use 'get rid of the tiredness.' Use commas to separate clauses properly.