Tiredness— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence that answers the question, avoid unnecessary phrases (e.g. “That is an interesting question”), reduce hesitations and incorrect expressions (e.g. “work a gym”). Use specific reasons and linkers to make it coherent. For example, say you rarely feel tired, give one clear reason, then mention the exception with a linking phrase like “except” or “only when.”

Exemplo: I rarely feel tired because I exercise regularly and maintain a healthy lifestyle. However, I do feel tired after particularly intense gym sessions, especially when I train for long periods.

Sugestão: Provide a clear, well-structured answer: topic sentence + specific supporting details. Remove fillers (umm, like) and correct grammar (e.g. “it’s hard for me to do those workouts”). Use linking words such as “because” and “so” to connect cause and effect and give concrete details (how often, what type of workout).

Exemplo: I usually feel tired after long gym sessions because I sometimes work out for two hours straight. For example, on days when I do intense cardio and weight training back-to-back, my legs and shoulders feel exhausted afterwards.

Sugestão: Organize your answer: start with a topic sentence stating what you do, then list specific actions with linking words (first, then, also) and correct grammar (e.g. “stretch my legs and arms,” “other thing I do”). Avoid fillers and vague phrases; give brief reasons why these actions help you.

Exemplo: When I feel tired, I first do some light stretches for my legs and arms to relieve muscle tension. Then I usually go to a nearby park to get fresh air and relax, which helps clear my mind and restore my energy.

× my body is kind of strong and my mental health can uh, defend from every disease.

✓ my body is kind of strong and my mental health can, uh, defend against every disease.

Use 'defend against' not 'defend from'; 'defend against' is the correct preposition for protection. Also add commas around 'uh' for natural pauses.

× Umm, but I only feel tired when I have to work a gym.

✓ Umm, but I only feel tired when I have to work at a gym.

The verb phrase 'work a gym' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'at' (work at a gym) to indicate location. This fixes sentence structure and meaning.

× After the gym I feel very tired because I have to work out for like umm 2 hours straight and it kind of hard for me to do those workout.

✓ After the gym I feel very tired because I have to work out for, like, two hours straight and it is kind of hard for me to do those workouts.

Use 'it is' for present tense linking verb and agreement ('it is kind of hard'). Spell out numbers in speech-friendly text ('two'). 'Workout' as noun plural is 'workouts'. Add commas around 'like' for natural speech.

× When I feel tired I stress in my body like umm stretching my legs, my arm and one another Things is I usually go to the park where I can refresh my brain and umm breathe some fresh air it can helps me a lot.

✓ When I feel tired I stretch my body, like stretching my legs and arms. Another thing is I usually go to the park where I can refresh my mind and breathe some fresh air; it helps me a lot.

Many issues: 'stress in my body' is incorrect; use 'stretch my body' or 'I do stretches'. 'my arm' should be plural 'arms' for consistency. 'one another Things is' is ungrammatical; separate ideas into sentences: 'Another thing is...' 'refresh my brain' is better as 'refresh my mind'. Use a semicolon or period to separate clauses and correct verb agreement 'it helps me' (not 'helps me' with extra 'can'). Also remove filler 'umm' or place with commas if needed.