Parks— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more concise and structured: start with a clear topic sentence stating whether you liked parks, then give one or two specific supporting reasons. Avoid fillers (umm) and grammar mistakes (tense consistency, word choice). Use linking words like 'because' and 'also' correctly.

Exemplo: Not really. As a child I preferred staying at home because I loved getting lost in books and playing with my cousins. Also, there were few parks near our area, so I rarely had the chance to visit one.

Sugestão: Use correct tense and clearer phrasing; avoid awkward expressions like 'unfetter all the negative thoughts'. Begin with a direct topic sentence and give 1–2 specific reasons using linking words ('because', 'so').

Exemplo: Yes, definitely. As an adult I prefer visiting parks to indoor activities because green spaces help me relax and clear negative thoughts, and they give me a break from my busy schedule.

Sugestão: Avoid repetition and informal phrases like 'to be honest' and 'I wish, I wish'. State your opinion clearly then add specific reasons and examples. Use precise vocabulary (avenue instead of 'Ave.' is fine in context).

Exemplo: Definitely. I wish the government would create more parks because they provide peaceful places to relax and unwind, and they offer families a safe avenue to bond and spend time together.

Sugestão: Good content and clear intention. Improve fluency by trimming repetition and adding a brief specific reason why you want to visit (features, activities). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

Exemplo: Yes. I would love to visit famous parks like Central Park in New York because I have seen it in films and heard about its lakes, walking paths and concerts. If I visit New York, I would certainly spend a day exploring it.

× I would much rather stay at home umm while getting lost and reading books.

✓ I would much rather stay at home, getting lost in and reading books.

The original sentence uses 'while getting lost and reading books' which is awkward. Using the gerund phrase 'getting lost in and reading books' connects the two actions properly after 'stay at home'. Keep the verb in -ing form to express simultaneous activities. Also add a comma for clarity.

× I also love playing with my cousins and friends umm and our house and apart from that there there were not many parks near our area so I didn't get any chance of enjoy.

✓ I also loved playing with my cousins and friends at our house, and apart from that there were not many parks near our area, so I didn't get any chance to enjoy them.

Multiple issues: 'love' should be past 'loved' to match 'when I was a child' (tense consistency). 'and our house' was unclear; 'at our house' corrects preposition use. 'any chance of enjoy' is incorrect; use 'any chance to enjoy' or 'any chance of enjoying' and include object 'them' (parks). Fixed duplicate 'there there' and added commas for clarity.

× Now that I am an adult, I preferred going to parks instead of doing indoor activities because I like to go to green spaces.

✓ Now that I am an adult, I prefer going to parks instead of doing indoor activities because I like to go to green spaces.

Mixing present ('I am') with past 'preferred' is inconsistent. Use present simple 'prefer' to match the current state 'Now that I am an adult'. This corrects tense agreement between clauses.

× Just to unfetter all the negative thoughts that I have and also to just get away with my busy life.

✓ I go there to free myself from the negative thoughts I have and to get away from my busy life.

The original fragment lacks a main verb appropriate to the sentence and uses 'unfetter' awkwardly. Use 'to free myself from' or 'to clear' and 'get away from' for natural preposition use. Also make it a full clause 'I go there to...' to fix sentence structure.

× Definitely, to be honest, it is something that I wish, I wish our government would establish because parks are a very good place to relax and unwind.

✓ Definitely. To be honest, I wish our government would establish more parks because parks are a very good place to relax and unwind.

Redundant phrases 'it is something that I wish, I wish' are unnecessary. Use 'I wish our government would establish more parks' — 'would' is acceptable for expressing desire about the future; add 'more' for clarity. Also split into clearer sentences.

× Also, it is one of a good Ave. for families to bond and catch up.

✓ Also, it is a good avenue for families to bond and catch up.

'one of a good Ave.' is ungrammatical. Use 'a good avenue' (avenue fully written) meaning a means or opportunity. Avoid abbreviations and incorrect article phrase.

× I've just seen it in movies and I think it's really cool.

✓ I've only seen it in movies, and I think it's really cool.

'Just' can mean 'recently' or 'only'; context implies 'only seen it in movies' so 'only' is clearer. Present perfect 'I've only seen' is appropriate for past experiences affecting present.