Parks— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Your answer is natural, coherent and gives specific personal details, but it is slightly long (five sentences is the maximum) and contains a minor tense/wording issue (‘elder brother’ is fine but ‘brought us ice creams’ could be more concise). To improve, shorten slightly by combining similar ideas, vary vocabulary a little (e.g., use ‘refreshing’ instead of ‘sense of refreshment’), and ensure each sentence adds new information.

Exemplo: Yes, I did. My father used to take my elder brother and me to the local park on weekends, which was a refreshing break after a week of studying. We played on the slides and swings and ran around the grass, and on the way home he often bought us ice cream. That simple routine is one of my happiest childhood memories.

Sugestão: Good emotional connection and clear reason, but there are small grammatical errors (‘children's running’ should be ‘children running’), some repetition (‘go to parks’ twice), and one sentence is wordy. Improve by fixing grammar, reducing repetition, and using a linking phrase to show contrast concisely.

Exemplo: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because seeing children running and laughing reminds me of my own childhood. However, life is much busier now, so I don’t go as often; I try to visit whenever I have some free time.

Sugestão: Clear opinion with reasons, but phrasing can be tightened and some word choices are awkward (‘in here’, ‘blank spaces’). Use more natural collocations (e.g., ‘green spaces’), and add a linking word to strengthen the explanation. Keep it concise and specific about effects of the shortage.

Exemplo: Yes, I would. There is a severe shortage of decent playgrounds and green spaces in my city. Because it’s rapidly developing, many empty plots are being used for new buildings and offices, which reduces opportunities for outdoor recreation.

Sugestão: The idea is fine—naming a famous amusement park—but there are several language errors and odd phrases (‘Disneyland into kitchen’, ‘centre of traction’, ‘lucrative rights and facilities’) which make the response unclear and unnatural. To improve, correct the park name, use common collocations (e.g., ‘major attraction’, ‘unique rides and facilities’), and add a concise reason why you want to visit. Keep it to two or three sentences.

Exemplo: I would love to visit Disneyland if I get the chance. It’s a major tourist attraction with unique rides and themed areas that appeal to all ages, and I’d like to experience the atmosphere and shows there.

× It has been a wonderful memory that I cherish from my childhood.

✓ It was a wonderful memory that I cherished from my childhood.

The student is describing a past experience (childhood) so the past simple tense is appropriate. 'Has been' (present perfect) connects past to present and conflicts with 'from my childhood.' Use past simple 'was' and 'cherished' to keep tense consistent. Suggestion: Use past simple when referring to completed experiences in the past (It was a wonderful memory I cherished).

× Yes, I still love going to parks now because whenever I see children's running and giggling around, I can picture myself and my brother from our childhood.

✓ Yes, I still love going to parks now because whenever I see children running and giggling around, I can picture my brother and me from our childhood.

Two issues: 'children's running' incorrectly uses possessive; the correct form is the plural noun 'children' followed by the participle 'running' (Grammar problem type 11 and 10), but per instructions we only correct items matching listed types; here main problems align with 'Incorrect use of pronouns' and 'Verb in the present participle form'. Also 'myself and my brother' is incorrect object pronoun order and form; use 'my brother and me'. Suggestion: Use 'children running' and 'my brother and me' when they are objects of 'picture.'

× As life has become more hectic and busy, I have less time to go to parks now, but whenever I get free time, I try to go to parks.

✓ As life has become more hectic and busy, I have less time to go to parks now, but whenever I get free time, I try to go to a park.

Repetition and article use: 'go to parks' is grammatical but sounds odd when referring to visiting a park in general; use 'go to a park' for a single visit. Also refine redundancy 'hectic and busy' but that is stylistic. Suggestion: Use 'a park' when speaking of going to one park for leisure.

× there is a massive shortage of decent playgrounds and parks in here.

✓ there is a massive shortage of decent playgrounds and parks here.

The preposition 'in here' is redundant/incorrect in this context; use 'here' alone. Suggestion: Say 'in my city there is a massive shortage' or simply 'there is a massive shortage here.'

× As it is a developing city, most playgrounds and blank spaces are being reserved for buildings and offices.

✓ Because it is a developing city, most playgrounds and vacant spaces are being reserved for buildings and offices.

'Blank spaces' is awkward; 'vacant spaces' or 'open spaces' is more natural. The structure 'As it is' is acceptable but 'Because it is' clarifies cause-effect. Suggestion: Use 'vacant' or 'open spaces' and keep cause 'Because it is a developing city.'

× I would love to go to the Disneyland into kitchen if I ever get the opportunity.

✓ I would love to go to Disneyland if I ever get the opportunity.

The phrase 'the Disneyland into kitchen' is ungrammatical and unclear. 'Disneyland' does not require 'the' and 'into kitchen' appears to be erroneous insertion. Suggestion: Remove the incorrect phrase and say 'go to Disneyland' or a specific park name correctly.

× It is considered one of the most popular amusement parks in the whole world and it has always been a centre of traction for people of every age group.

✓ It is considered one of the most popular amusement parks in the world and has always been a centre of attraction for people of every age group.

Use 'the world' rather than 'the whole world' (concise) and correct collocation 'centre of attraction' not 'centre of traction.' Also combine clauses by dropping the repeated subject 'it' for smoother flow. Suggestion: Use standard collocations: 'centre of attraction.'

× It has lucrative rights and facilities that cannot be found in any other parks in the world.

✓ It has lucrative rides and facilities that cannot be found in any other parks in the world.

'Lucrative rights' is incorrect word choice; likely intended 'lucrative rides' or 'unique attractions.' 'Lucrative' means profitable; better to use 'unique' or 'exciting' depending on meaning. Suggestion: Use appropriate adjective-noun collocations: 'unique attractions' or 'exciting rides.'