Parks— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details (who you went with and what you did). Use linking words like "because" or "so" for coherence and avoid listing too many people in one clause.

Exemplo: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My grandfather often took me and my cousins there, and we spent hours playing on the swings and having picnics because my parents were usually busy.

Sugestão: Reduce repetition and correct grammar (verb forms and articles). Begin with a clear statement about current preference, then explain difference with a reason. Use linking words such as "now" and "because". Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

Exemplo: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, but for different reasons now. Nowadays I prefer sitting under a tree and reading a book to relax because it helps me unwind after a busy day.

Sugestão: Avoid filler words and repetition. Make the point clearly: you want more parks and there are safety concerns. Correct grammar ("there are not many parks", "they are not safe") and give a specific reason or example of safety issues. Use linking words like "because" and "for example."

Exemplo: Absolutely. I would like to see more parks in my hometown because there are currently few, and many are not safe for children and young people. For example, poor lighting and lack of security make me, as a woman, feel uncomfortable staying there.

Sugestão: Be direct and avoid hesitation words and repetition. Start with the park name, then state why you want to visit with specific details. Use correct conditional phrasing ("if I go" or "if I have a chance to go"). Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

Exemplo: Yes, I have always wanted to visit Central Park in New York because I want to see its lakes and famous walking paths. If I have the chance to go in the future, I would love to spend a whole day exploring and relaxing there.

× my grandpa took me, my cousins, my brothers to the park and we loved spending hours playing here.

✓ my grandpa took me, my cousins, and my brothers to the park and we loved spending hours playing there.

Comma splice and missing 'and' in a list; 'here' should be 'there' when referring to past location. Also ensure parallel list with 'and' before last item. Improve by using commas to separate items and include 'and' before final item; use 'there' for past reference.

× Actually yes I love I love going to the park now but for not but not for the same reasons in the past.

✓ Actually, yes, I love going to the park now, but not for the same reasons as in the past.

Repetition 'I love I love' is redundant. Use commas for clarity and the comparative phrase should be 'for the same reasons as in the past.' Remove duplicate words and use correct comparative structure.

× I I prefer going to park and sitting under a tree and reading a books for relaxing.

✓ I prefer going to the park, sitting under a tree, and reading a book to relax.

Articles: 'the park' needs definite article; 'a books' is incorrect — use 'a book' (singular) or 'books' without 'a'. Also 'for relaxing' is awkward; use 'to relax.' Remove duplicate 'I' and add commas for list clarity.

× I would like to see more parks in my hometown because they they are not too many parks.

✓ I would like to see more parks in my hometown because there are not many parks.

Use 'there are' to state existence (There be issue) and avoid repeating 'they they.' The original had wrong word order 'they are not too many parks.' Use 'there are not many parks' or 'there aren't many parks.'

× Yeah, actually they are a few, but they are not safety for children and you young people, especially as a woman, I don't feel safety spending time here.

✓ Yes, actually there are a few, but they are not safe for children and young people; as a woman, I don't feel safe spending time there.

Use 'safe' (adjective) not 'safety' (noun). Replace 'they are a few' with 'there are a few.' Remove 'you' before 'young people.' Use 'there' for location reference. Improve punctuation for clarity.

× Actually, there's a park I have always wanted to see to spend time here, the Central Park in New York.

✓ Actually, there's a park I have always wanted to visit and spend time in: Central Park in New York.

Phrase 'see to spend time here' is awkward. Use 'visit' and 'spend time in.' Also 'the Central Park' should be 'Central Park' without 'the' when naming the park commonly. Use colon or dash to introduce the park name.

× I have never been in New York before, but if in in the future I can go there, if I can go there, I'll I would love to be here.

✓ I have never been to New York before, but if in the future I can go there, I would love to be there.

Use 'been to' (correct preposition for visiting places) not 'been in.' Remove duplicate 'in' and duplicate conditional 'if I can go there.' Choose 'I would love to be there' for conditional mood; remove extra 'I'll.' Simplify the conditional clause for clarity.