Parks— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Сократите повторы и уберите запинки. Начните с чёткой темы, затем добавьте одно или два конкретных воспоминания. Используйте связки (for example, because, and) чтобы сделать ответ более плавным и логичным. Постарайтесь не превышать 3–4 предложений и избегать слов-паразитов («umm», «well», «to be honest»).

Exemplo: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child, especially amusement parks because they had carousels and fun rides. For example, I remember spending whole afternoons on the swings and riding the carousel with my friends. Even now I still enjoy visiting them when I get the chance.

Sugestão: Упростите фразы и исправьте грамматику. Дайте короткое прямое утверждение, затем укажите причину и одно конкретное действие (например, как часто или с кем вы ходите). Избегайте путаных оборотов («due to my business and I have to study work sometimes»).

Exemplo: Yes, I still enjoy going to amusement parks. However, because of my busy work and study schedule I can’t go often, so I usually plan visits on weekends and ask friends to join me.

Sugestão: Улучшите ясность и лексику: назовите город правильно, избегайте повторов и бессвязных фраз. Дайте прямой ответ, затем приведите конкретную причину и пример (сколько парков, почему нужны ещё). Используйте связки (but, because, for example).

Exemplo: I live in Minsk, which already has many parks and green spaces, so I don’t need more regular parks. However, I would like more amusement parks because the city is large and currently has only two, which are often crowded.

Sugestão: Сделайте ответ более структурированным: начните с краткого утверждения о планах, затем укажите конкретное место и причину, и закончите замечанием о компании. Избавьтесь от грамматических ошибок и разговорных сокращений («wanna»).

Exemplo: Yes, I want to visit a new amusement park I recently discovered in Minsk. I have only been to one before, so I’d like to try a different park with more rides. My boyfriend is not very keen on parks, but I hope he will come with me.

× Well when I was young enough I really enjoyed parks, especially amusement ones because they had some umm carousels and places where I could just have fun.

✓ When I was young I really enjoyed parks, especially amusement parks, because they had carousels and places where I could have fun.

The original sentence has redundancy and awkward phrasing ('young enough', 'amusement ones') and filler 'umm'. Simplify to 'When I was young' and use 'amusement parks'. Remove unnecessary 'just' and 'umm' for clarity. Use commas to separate clauses.

× And to be honest I really enjoyed them that back then.

✓ To be honest, I really enjoyed them back then.

Beginning a sentence with 'And' is informal and 'that' is unnecessary. Remove 'that' and place a comma after 'To be honest' for correct punctuation and natural flow.

× But however I can add one thing that even being an adult one, I would love to go there.

✓ However, I should add that even as an adult I would still love to go there.

Using both 'But' and 'however' is redundant. 'Being an adult one' is incorrect; use 'as an adult'. 'I can add one thing that' is awkward—use 'I should add that'.

× Absolutely, whenever I have a chance to visit these amusement parks, I would definitely go there.

✓ Absolutely, whenever I have a chance to visit these amusement parks, I will definitely go there.

'Would' suggests conditionality or a hypothetical; the intended meaning is future intention when a chance occurs, so use 'will'.

× Even now, however, due to my business and I have to study work sometimes, unfortunately, I cannot visit this kind of frequently, but I always ask some people to come with me to have fun in the amusement park.

✓ However, even now, because of my business and studies, I cannot visit these parks frequently; unfortunately, I sometimes have to work. I always ask friends to come with me to have fun at the amusement park.

The original mixes ideas and has word order and word choice errors ('due to my business and I have to study work'). Clarify with 'because of my business and studies' and separate sentences. Use 'these parks' or 'the parks' instead of 'this kind', and 'friends' is more natural than 'some people'. Use 'at the amusement park' for location.

× Well The thing is I live in Minx and Winx is well for a well filled with parks and trees and walls.

✓ Well, the thing is I live in Minx, which is well filled with parks and trees.

The sentence has many errors: capitalization ('The'), repetition ('Winx is well for a well'), and 'walls' is likely incorrect or unnecessary. Use a relative clause 'which is well filled with parks and trees' and correct punctuation.

× So I wouldn't say I would like to see more parks.

✓ So I wouldn't say I want to see more parks.

Using two 'would' verbs is awkward. 'I wouldn't say I want to see more parks' is more natural and matches the speaker's meaning.

× But I need to add that I would love to see some more amusement parks because in my in my city means we only have two amusement parks but the city is really huge and the biggest one in my country.

✓ But I should add that I would love to see more amusement parks, because in my city we only have two, yet the city is very large and is the biggest in my country.

Remove repetition ('in my in my') and awkward 'means'. Use 'should add' and clarify contrast with 'yet'. Add commas and correct adjective order 'very large' and complete the comparison 'the biggest in my country'.

× Well I've through all my life I've been only to 1 amusement park.

✓ Well, throughout my life I've been to only one amusement park.

'I've through all my life' is incorrect; use 'throughout my life'. Word order should be 'I've been to only one amusement park' and write numbers as words in formal speech.

× But I just recently found out that there is another amusement park.

✓ But I recently found out that there is another amusement park.

'Just recently' is redundant; choose 'recently' or 'just'. Also move adverb placement to natural position before the verb.

× They are in Minsk.

✓ It is in Minsk.

'They' refers to plural but 'another amusement park' is singular, so use 'it'.

× So I guess me and my boyfriend we would love to visit that.

✓ So I guess my boyfriend and I would love to visit it.

Use subject pronoun order 'my boyfriend and I' and avoid repeating the subject ('we'). Use 'it' to refer back to 'the amusement park'.

× Mostly it's it is my idea because he's not really into parks but I wanna just see another amusement park in my city.

✓ Mostly it is my idea because he's not really into parks, but I just want to see another amusement park in my city.

Remove duplication ('it's it is') and replace informal 'wanna' with 'want to' for correct grammar. Place 'just' before 'want' for natural emphasis and add a comma before 'but'.