Parks— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more natural and grammatically correct: use past tense consistently, avoid vague phrases, and give one specific memory. Keep to 2–3 sentences. Use linking words like “and” or “because” to connect ideas.

Exemplo: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I remember my family picnicking under a big tree and hearing children’s laughter all afternoon, which made those days feel very happy.

Sugestão: Make the sentence structure simpler and correct: avoid contradictory connectors like “even though... but”. State a clear topic sentence and give a short reason. Use linking words such as “because” or “and”.

Exemplo: Yes, I still enjoy visiting parks because they are great places to meet friends and talk. Also, the fresh air and green space help me relax after a busy week.

Sugestão: Be concise and use precise vocabulary: replace unclear phrases like “bring a collection for people” with concrete benefits (community space, exercise). Limit to 2–3 sentences and add a brief reason with an example.

Exemplo: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide community space for exercise and social activities. For example, a new park could host weekend markets and outdoor fitness classes that bring neighbors together.

Sugestão: Clarify what you mean by “parks” (regular parks vs amusement parks) and use consistent tense. Give one clear example and a reason for visiting. Avoid short, choppy sentences; combine into 2–3 sentences with linking words.

Exemplo: Yes, I would like to visit a large amusement park such as Disneyland because I enjoy the rides and lively atmosphere. However, I also appreciate simple city parks for peaceful walks and picnics.

× I did enjoy going to parks where I was a child.

✓ I enjoyed going to parks when I was a child.

Use simple past 'enjoyed' rather than 'did enjoy' for a general past habit; 'where I was a child' is unnatural—use 'when I was a child' to indicate time. Suggestion: Use simple past for past habits and use 'when' for time references.

× I remember that moment when I hear laughters from every person and honestly it paid by day.

✓ I remember moments when I heard people laughing, and honestly it made my day.

Errors: 'moment' vs 'moments' (plural) and tense: 'hear' should be past 'heard'; 'laughters' is incorrect—'laughter' is uncountable; 'paid by day' is wrong phrase—use 'made my day.' Suggestion: Use past tense for past memories, use uncountable 'laughter,' and standard idiom 'made my day.'

× I love going to parks because even though the fact that I grew up, but because I like to socialize with people.

✓ I love going to parks because even though I have grown up, I still like to socialize with people.

Problems: incorrect combination 'even though the fact that' and incorrect tense 'grew up' (simple past) for effect—use present perfect 'have grown up' to relate past to present; remove redundant 'but' after 'even though.' Suggestion: Use 'even though I have grown up' and avoid double connectors.

× I love to see more parks in my city because I feel like they bring a collection for people and everyone stays connected because everyone craves human connection.

✓ I would like to see more parks in my city because they bring people together and help everyone stay connected since people crave human connection.

Problems: 'love to see' is awkward for desire—use 'would like to see'; 'bring a collection for people' is incorrect—use 'bring people together.' Repetition 'everyone stays connected because everyone' is repetitive—use 'help everyone stay connected since people.' Suggestion: Use natural collocations like 'bring people together' and avoid repetition.

× Yes. I will love the simple ones like the huge ones like Disneyland.

✓ Yes. I would love the simple parks, but also large amusement parks like Disneyland.

'I will love' is incorrect for expressing preference—use 'I would love' or 'I'd love.' Sentence structure unclear: 'the simple ones like the huge ones like Disneyland' contradicts; clarify contrast using 'but also' and specify 'amusement parks like Disneyland.' Suggestion: Use 'would' for polite preference and structure contrasts clearly.

× It's more of an amusement park rather than a regular park.

✓ It's more of an amusement park than a regular park.

Use 'than' with comparisons, not 'rather than' in this comparative structure. 'It's more of an amusement park than a regular park' is concise and correct. Suggestion: Use 'more ... than' for comparisons.