Parks— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more concise and fix grammar and repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler sounds (uh) and correct word order (e.g., “picnics in the park”).

Exemplo: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, my family often had picnics there, and I enjoyed renting the free bicycles because they let me explore the whole park.

Sugestão: Give a direct answer, then provide a clear reason with correct tense and avoid repeating words. Use linking words (however, because) and be specific about when and where.

Exemplo: Yes, I still like parks. However, the park near my house was replaced by a playground a few years ago, so I rarely visit parks now; if a nearby park reopened, I would definitely go more often.

Sugestão: Use clearer vocabulary (e.g., 'burned out' instead of 'burned') and a logical connection between idea and reason. Keep sentences concise and avoid hesitations. Provide one specific benefit.

Exemplo: Yes, I would. Cities need more green spaces because they help people relax and reduce stress; for example, students and workers can clear their minds by spending time in a park.

Sugestão: Be specific and correct word choices (e.g., 'breathtaking', 'a nearby park called Parish'). Remove filler words and make one or two precise details about why you want to visit (types of trees, activities).

Exemplo: Yes. In the future I would like to visit a nearby park called Parish because I’ve seen breathtaking photos of its many different tree species and the small flower beds that make it very peaceful.

× Yes, I did as I remember when I was a child I was obsessed with going to parks and we usually had a picnic and the park with my family.

✓ Yes, I did. I remember that when I was a child I was obsessed with going to parks, and we usually had a picnic in the park with my family.

Run-on and tense clarity: The original mixes past reference without clear sentence boundaries and uses 'at the park' incorrectly as 'and the park'. Split into two sentences, add 'that' for clarity, and change 'and the park' to 'in the park' to indicate location. Use simple past consistently ('did', 'remember', 'was', 'had'). Suggestion: Pause between sentences and use prepositions for locations ('in the park').

× Uh, one thing that I found interesting and uh, uh, really enjoyable is that it has so many bicycles that you can rent for free.

✓ One thing I found interesting and really enjoyable was that it had so many bicycles you could rent for free.

Tense and modifier placement: The question asked about childhood, so past tense 'was' and 'had' are appropriate rather than present 'is'/'has'. Remove filler 'uh' and combine adjectives smoothly. Use 'you could' (past) to match timeframe. Suggestion: Match verb tense to the time frame and avoid filler words for clarity.

× Yes I do. As I said before I loved going to parks but unfortunately a few years ago the nearby park near my house was removed to make way for a playground.

✓ Yes, I do. As I said before, I loved going to parks, but unfortunately a few years ago the nearby park by my house was removed to make way for a playground.

Redundancy and preposition choice: 'Nearby park near my house' is repetitive. Use 'by my house' or 'near my house'. The rest is past tense and fine. Add commas for readability. Suggestion: Avoid repeating the same meaning and choose one preposition ('near' or 'by').

× So I cannot go to the to the park anymore, but if I could have a chance I would go.

✓ So I cannot go to the park anymore, but if I had the chance I would go.

Conditional form: The original mixes present inability with an incorrect conditional clause 'if I could have a chance'. Use the correct second conditional for unreal present situations: 'if I had the chance I would go'. Remove duplicated 'to the'. Suggestion: Use 'if I had the chance' for hypothetical situations and proofread for duplicated words.

× Yes I would, from my perspective cities should have more green spaces like parks because uh when you work and you are doing your studies you can easily get burned.

✓ Yes, I would. From my perspective, cities should have more green spaces like parks because when you work or study you can easily get burned out.

Word choice and parallel structure: 'work and you are doing your studies' is awkward; use 'work or study' for parallelism. 'Get burned' is incorrect idiom; use 'get burned out' or 'become exhausted'. Remove 'uh' and add commas. Suggestion: Use parallel structures ('work or study') and correct idioms ('burned out').

× So it will it is the best way to relax and the refresh your minds.

✓ So it is the best way to relax and refresh your mind.

Redundancy and article/pronoun agreement: The original has duplicated words 'will it is' and incorrect article 'the refresh' and plural 'minds' inconsistent with general advice. Use 'it is' once, remove 'the', and use singular 'your mind' for general statements. Suggestion: Keep sentences concise, avoid duplications, and use consistent pronouns.

× Yes, Sir. Ah, I've seen so many birthstaking photos online of the parks, though I'll say that in the future I'd like to see uh nearby Park to Parish, which is known for its diversity of, uh, trees and the surrounded by little green flowers.

✓ Yes, sir. I've seen so many breathtaking photos online of parks; in the future I'd like to visit Nearby Park to Parish, which is known for its diversity of trees and is surrounded by little green flowers.

Multiple errors: 'birthstaking' is misspelled (breathtaking) — spelling not in list but affects clarity. Capitalization: 'Sir' should be lowercase in mid-sentence. Article and structure: 'see nearby Park to Parish' is awkward; use 'visit Nearby Park to Parish' (proper noun kept). 'the surrounded by' is incorrect structure; use 'is surrounded by'. Remove fillers 'uh'. Suggestion: Use verbs that fit the action ('visit'), correct verb 'is surrounded by' for passive description, and avoid fillers. Proofread proper nouns and spelling.