Parks— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers, correct tense and possessive errors, and give one specific supporting detail. Use linking words if needed.

Exemplo: To be honest, I didn't enjoy going to parks as a child. My retired father used to take me there and make me draw trees in a notebook, which I found boring, so I preferred staying at home and reading instead.

Sugestão: Good content and relevance, but improve natural phrasing and reduce redundancy. Use a clear topic sentence, link supporting details, and replace awkward expressions (e.g., "one of my amusement things").

Exemplo: Yes, I do. I enjoy visiting parks with my husband; we often buy ice cream and talk about our day, which helps us relax and catch up.

Sugestão: Clarify meaning and fix unrelated phrase ("because I sing" seems out of place). Begin with a direct answer, then give two specific reasons connected with linking words. Avoid long, run-on sentences and grammatical errors.

Exemplo: Yes, I would. Parks are important because they encourage people to exercise and provide a peaceful place to relax and breathe fresh air, which is beneficial for both physical and mental well-being.

Sugestão: Avoid hesitations and incorrect word choice ("perks" -> "parks"). Start with a clear topic sentence naming the place, then give specific reasons and an example. Keep sentences short and grammatical.

Exemplo: Yes, I would like to visit Disneyland with my husband. It has many attractions and shows, and I think experiencing the rides and themed areas together would be a fun and memorable trip.

× Umm, to be honest with you, I didn't like to go to parks.

✓ Umm, to be honest with you, I didn't like going to parks.

Use the -ing form after like when referring to general preferences in the past; 'didn't like to go' is not wrong but 'didn't like going' is more natural and consistent with habitual or repeated activities in the past.

× Uh, actually my, when I was child, my father was retired and he, uh, took me to the parks and he forced me to paint the trees, uh, on my notebook and I didn't like that task.

✓ Uh, actually, when I was a child, my father had retired and he took me to the park and he forced me to draw the trees in my notebook and I didn't like that task.

Several errors: 'when I was child' needs the article 'a child' (article error). 'was retired' is odd for a person's status—use 'had retired' or 'was retired' but 'had retired' fits a past background. 'the parks' should be 'the park' if referring to a specific park; context suggests singular visits. 'paint the trees on my notebook' is unnatural: 'draw the trees in my notebook' is clearer. Also commas and word order were adjusted for clarity.

× Yes, actually it's one of my amusement things.

✓ Yes, actually it's one of my amusements.

'amusement things' is ungrammatical; use the noun 'amusements' to refer to leisure activities. This corrects word choice and noun formation.

× I'm fond of going to parks with my husband and we go there and buy ice cream and talk about what happened in the day for us.

✓ I'm fond of going to parks with my husband; we go there, buy ice cream, and talk about what happened during our day.

Use 'during our day' or 'what happened during the day' rather than 'in the day for us'. Also add commas and conjunction 'and' for a natural compound sentence.

× So it's interesting for me and I like that.

✓ So it's interesting to me and I like that.

'interesting for me' is acceptable but 'interesting to me' is more natural collocation in English; this fixes preposition collocation impacting subject-verb sense.

× Sure, I'd like to see more parks because I sing.

✓ Sure, I'd like to see more parks because I think so.

'I sing' is likely a mispronunciation or error; context suggests 'I think' or 'I agree'. Replacing with 'I think so' makes the sentence logical. If the student meant something else, choose an appropriate verb.

× They play an important role in everyone's life because they encourage people to do exercise and some people come and relax in the parks and breathe fresh air that it's important to well-being.

✓ They play an important role in everyone's life because they encourage people to exercise, and some people come to relax in parks and breathe fresh air, which is important for well-being.

Fixes article and preposition use: 'do exercise' -> 'exercise'; 'relax in the parks' -> 'relax in parks' or 'relax in the park'; 'that it's important to well-being' -> 'which is important for well-being' to form a correct relative clause.

× Uh, yes, actually, uh, I have a list of interesting perks and one of them is Disneyland that I like to go with my husband.

✓ Uh, yes, actually, I have a list of interesting parks and one of them is Disneyland, which I would like to visit with my husband.

'perks' should be 'parks' (word choice). 'that I like to go with my husband' is ungrammatical: use 'which I would like to visit with my husband' to express desire and correct relative pronoun and verb form.

× I, I think there is full of attractions and, umm, I think it would be great experience if I go there.

✓ I think it is full of attractions, and I think it would be a great experience if I went there.

'there is full of attractions' is incorrect: use 'it is full of attractions' when referring to Disneyland. Also 'would be great experience' needs the article 'a great experience.' For the conditional, 'if I went there' (second conditional) matches 'would be.'