Parks— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more concise and reduce hesitations and repetitions. Start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid filler words (uh, actually) and fix grammatical issues (tense and word order).

Exemplo: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. Although there were few parks in my busy city, my family took me to the small park beside my school, where I often played games with my father and made lasting memories.

Sugestão: Answer directly and avoid repeating phrases like 'actually'. Use linking words to organize reasons and be specific about how parks help you (activities or feelings). Fix awkward phrasing such as 'peaceful mental view' and 'survive even our nature'.

Exemplo: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they calm my mind and reduce stress. For example, I often sit by the pond to watch birds and listen to the wind, which helps me relax and feel connected to nature.

Sugestão: Make your response clearer and more organized: state your main opinion, then give two concise, specific reasons with examples. Avoid incomplete sentences and vague phrases like 'something like that'. Use precise vocabulary (recreation, outdoor exercise).

Exemplo: Yes, I would. More parks would give residents easy access to green space for relaxation and observing wildlife. In addition, parks could host recreational facilities such as outdoor gyms and yoga areas, which would encourage healthy activities for all ages.

Sugestão: Be specific about which parks or features you want to visit and remove fillers. Give one concrete example of a country or feature and explain why it appeals to you. Keep it to two or three sentences.

Exemplo: Yes, I would like to visit national parks abroad, such as Japan’s Shinjuku Gyoen or New Zealand’s Abel Tasman, because they offer well-maintained walking trails, visitor centers, and diverse wildlife. Experiencing these facilities would teach me new conservation ideas that could improve parks at home.

× So as a child, there were not many parks available around us because I live in the bustling city of Taka.

✓ So as a child, there were not many parks available around us because I lived in the bustling city of Taka.

Tense inconsistency: the sentence begins with 'as a child' (past context) but uses present tense 'I live'. Change to past tense 'I lived' to match the time frame and keep the 'there were' construction correct.

× So whenever I get got the chance, my family did actually take me quite to quite a few parks that are available in our city.

✓ So whenever I got the chance, my family actually took me to quite a few parks that were available in our city.

Mixed and incorrect verb forms: 'get got' is incorrect and redundant; use simple past 'got'. 'Did actually take' is an unnecessary emphatic past; use simple past 'took'. Also correct word order 'took me to quite a few parks' and match tense with 'were available'.

× It's something that really, uh, triggers my memory is probably the park beside my school where I often used to play with my father.

✓ What really triggers my memory is probably the park beside my school, where I often used to play with my father.

Awkward sentence structure and redundancy: original mixes two clause forms. Rephrase to a clear subject 'What really triggers my memory' followed by a defining clause. Keep past habitual 'used to play' to match childhood context.

× I do actually like going to parks because it helps me to actually calm my mind as well as create a. Peaceful mental view.

✓ I do like going to parks because they help me calm my mind and create a peaceful mental state.

Pronoun and noun issues and punctuation: 'it helps' should refer to 'parks' (plural), so use 'they help'. 'Create a. Peaceful mental view' has incorrect punctuation and unnatural phrase; replace with 'create a peaceful mental state'.

× Moreover, it helps me to actually absorb how nature actually works and the different animals that survive even our nature.

✓ Moreover, they help me understand how nature works and the different animals that live in our environment.

Pronoun agreement: 'it' should be 'they' to match plural 'parks'. Word choice: 'absorb' is uncommon here; use 'understand'. 'Survive even our nature' is ungrammatical; replace with 'live in our environment'.

× Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city as it will help people to go to a place where they can observe nature and how it actually revolves.

✓ Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city as they would give people a place to observe nature and how it works.

Modal consistency and wording: 'it will help people to go to a place' is awkward; use 'they would give people a place'. 'How it actually revolves' is unnatural; 'how it works' is clearer. Use conditional 'would' to match 'would love'.

× Moreover, it can help there. There can be many recreational activities in the parks which can allow people to enjoy themselves like gym or yoga center or something like that where people.

✓ Moreover, parks can offer many recreational activities that allow people to enjoy themselves, such as gyms, yoga centers, and similar facilities.

Fragmented and repetitive sentence: original has a stray 'it can help there.' and ends abruptly. Combine ideas into one sentence, use plural nouns ('gyms, yoga centers') and remove filler 'or something like that' for clarity.

× Yes, I want to go to parks that are, uh, certainly abroad because those parks tend to have a lot of features that, uh, parks in my country lag behind on.

✓ Yes, I want to visit parks abroad because those parks often have many features that parks in my country lack.

Verb choice and phrasing: 'want to go to parks that are abroad' is wordy; use 'visit parks abroad'. 'Lag behind on' is informal and slightly incorrect; use 'lack'. Keep present tense for general truth.

× So I want to experience those facilities that other, uh, countries parks actually provide people in order to help them as well as, umm, make their life more helpful.

✓ So I want to experience those facilities that parks in other countries provide to help people and make their lives better.

Possessive and plural noun placement: 'countries parks' should be 'parks in other countries' or 'other countries' parks' with an apostrophe. Pronoun agreement: 'make their life' should be 'make their lives' (plural). 'Helpful' is awkward here; 'better' is more natural.